DLGUY..moving out!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!!red alert!!!
i have been hanging out at my fren's house,pern,to chill with her...andddd....to spy on her neighbour whom i have gave a nickname-->DLGUY coz he,use to,drink Dutch Lady strawberry..so gay..but...still...i like him..but..i dont know..i just wanna make frens with him laa...
then one day,like a stupid retard,i asked his name,he said his name is idrus...
then merdeka day,he finally ACTUALLY talked to me..wow..he ask where i went and wat time i went home n he said he bertugas at dataran merdeka..then i ask bertugas what??he said he's a polis...owhhhh...so hot!!!MEN IN UNIFORM ARE SOOOO SUPER HOT!!!*nix will agree with me,TOTALLY!!*
neway,recently,pern called me..she said...he talked to her..he said he's transferring to sabah...bloody sabah..so far...we will be separated by the sea!!arghhhhhhh....worst nightmare!!so...now...my task!!to get his number no matter how!!see,its hard to see him,coz he's always not at home..the time he comes back,very not reliable...so..i told pern..i asked her actually..if she wud pass a letter to dlguy if i write a letter for him..she said yes..of course she also said its like "zaman percintaan dulu2 yg guna surat menyurat"-->sentence not exact as hers la..
neway...isnt this great...but the scary part is the waiting for the reply part..hmmm...but,hopefully the letter im gonna write wont be too berbunga2..hahaha...but i hope i will score it!!to get his phone number..haha....
*shhhhhh....dont tell my boyfriend,after he jealous....HAHAHAHAHA....

aiyoyoo...

"dead...let me be dead...shoot me..."
why must i be tortured with figure studies?i hate humans..and i have to learn to draw them?oh man...so messed up!!the worst part is,they tricked me..usually the name of the subject shud be figure studies..but now they changed it to visual fundamentals...that name sounds like it got nothing to do with figure la...ishh...darn that college arr...hmmm...klaa...nothing else to tell...

insecure??

im having this major feeling this pass few days..
ok..let me tell u y i have this major prob,its because of my bf,wen we go out,he looks at girls,other girls,like he wants them or sumthing(that's wat i feel laa)...
and this past few days,in my head,i have been having images of my bf looking at other girls...
im so tired of picturing it!!arghhh
i tried to not think that way...but it aint stopping...hmm...
so,im trying to figure out if it is ok to feel insecure of my bf..or its totally wrong??
well,i did ask a wise one(tasha,my sister)..she said he shouldnt be looking at other girls if he really love me...
but neway,i trust him,i know he's not capable of cheating towards me..i just kno la,dont ask me how i knoe!!
gosh...i know nix and pern will be mad at me...pls dont..im already goin nutz trying to get rid of this stupid images...
oh ya,forgot to mention...i did tell him all this..of how i feel...so far,the last i went dating with him,i didnt really notice him looking at other girls..hmm...did it work??hmmm...
oh..then yesterday i told him bout me having pictures of him looking at girls in my head,he said im thinking of nonsence..hmmm.....
BUT WHATEVER PUN,I STILL FUCKING FREAKING LOVE HIM!!!HAHAHHA...(now night time,not puasa time,can swear,hahaha)

i guess,that's how i had to....

sometimes,i wish mum cud be my bestfriend.
actually,i wish she was,a mum who was also a bestfriend.
like for instance,the gilmore girls,or like nix n her mum or like ruby n her mum..
it's so cool,their mums are so cool.
they talk bout lotsa stuff--men.
well,im not saying here that i wish her mum was mine,but im just wishing my mum cud be so open n cool with me.
but to them,most of the choices i made is wrong,maybe that's why i let my mum choose my education choice--college and the course.
i wish i cud tell mum that even at this age of 22,i still havent figured out with what i want in life,but i just wanna enjoy but do nothing.
and i wish i cud tell her i have a boyfriend who is a really great to me,he's nobody special in his life,but he understands me,treat me right,well,eventhough he has no education background and just being a chef,but he makes me happy,isnt that's what important?
i wish,mum cud read my blog,all the stuff i wrote,oh yeah,she will,definately will,but only the day i draw my very last breath,if i go b4 her,i will tell her to check out my blog.
but really,i dont wanna and im sick of having to lie to my own parents about the stuff i do,or about who im going out with if im going dating.
im sick of lying,but,really,at this very moment,i still have/had to keep on lying...i guess,that's how i had to.....

avril's concert...

I SHUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
I WUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
I CUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
--it was a be there or be dead thing..
but i wasnt there,fact that maybe if i had rich parents,i could have gone for it,or if i gotten to study straight after quitting limkokwing or if i didnt quit limkokwing,i wud have gotten a job by now and wud have had $$ to get the tickets..but too bad,just not my luck,i didnt get to go for it...
now,watching all those 'recaps' on tv,bout the concert,'DANG IT!!'..IT HURTS BADLY..its all coming back to me!i thought i got over it after shopping with mum on friday,d day d concert was held...
i really feel so sad,depressed,my head is burried below the earth now(wow,im becoming deep),wishing badly that it didnt passed yet or if only she was gonna come after 'Raya'(so that i go duit raya) or sumthing...oh gosh...Life is one hell of a pathetic poece of shit!!

29th AUGUST 2008-MOST TRAGIC DAY FOR ME!

OMG OMG OMG...ITS 9.11PM NOW...THE THING THAT I WANT TO BE MOSTTT AT,AT THIS VERY MOMENT OF TIME IS....AVRIL LAVINGE LIVE IN MALAYSIA CONCERT!!!!ARGHHHH.....IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ IM TOO POOR....IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ OF THOSE FREAKING PEOPLE WHO WANTED THE CONCERT TO BE BANNED,IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WROTE NEGATIVE THINGS BOUT HER IN THE PAPERS 'avril is a punk'????WHAT WERE THEY THINKING BOUT??!!!MY DAD IS INFLUENCED BY IT!!DAMN IT!!
see....when avril started out being famous,owhhhh....the papers wrote all those SWEET NICE DELICIOUS things about her...now they wrote bad stuff??!!??very fickled minded stupid idiotic bloody fucking piece of shit bastards!!!arghhh...and owh yeah...how bout those people who wanted the concert to be banned??owhh....how bout PUSSY FREAKING CAT DOLLS???they didnt mind that..wow...avril is not punk!!ok stupitos!!!she's cool...pink princess!!!she write beautiful songs that not even any of those uneducated artist in this country cud write!!arghhh!!!!IM TURNING INTO HULK NOW!!GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!SO SO SUPER ANGRY!!!!

MERDEKA!MERDEKA!MERDEKA!

owh yeah....independence day,is just few days away..so cool..im gonna go out on the eve of independence,celebrating....BUTTTTTT.........I ACTUALLY REALLY STILL DONT GET IT...
DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT MERDEKA MEANS?WHAT DOES INDEPENDENCE DAY MEAN?WHAT DOES THE 31ST AUGUST 1957 MEAN TO YOU GUYS?
seriously man...almost all teenagers these days,people of malaysia these days,actually dont know what independence mean...they will all giv the sameeeeee answer to it 'its d day when malaysia is free from colonization n bla bla bla'.....but...come on...dont u guys think,the education of history of malaysia in malaysia is not good enough for those kids these days?the world is becoming to modern,and the people,of course,want to be modern too...but...no history is installed in them...
well,what i think is that maybe,they shud teach more bout independence day to the school kids...then maybe,they cud understand more...what do u guys think of this??hmmmmmm...just wondering....

flushed away...

-CREEP by radiohead-
"i wish i was special,
so fucking special,
but im a creep,
im a weirdo,what the hell am i doing here?
i dont belong here..."

that song is the perfect song to describe me..i dont have the perfect body,i wish i had..i dont have a perfect soul,i wish i had..and all my life,i was told to do things,well,maybe im the youngest,but,i have feelings too,but my family dont seem to see all that..its always me..'nathra do this,nathra do that'..always me gets the 'doings'..maybe thats one reason y i dont seem to see the point of me being here in this world.i just wanna be all by myself,living my own life,where i cud just do my own thing,in my own perfect little world of mine.
how many of u in this world who has life like mine?a life that is planned by not u,but ur parents.a life where u are told to do things,by ur family,not by ur own head.what can we do about this?
if i should go talk to them,tell them how i feel,they are just gonna say that im thinking to much..as it is,mum already did call me 'a spoilt brat', and that im troublesome to her, and indirectly calling me 'stupid'...it hurts..badly..it effects me!!why do my family,the one i loved the most have to do this to me?i feel unwanted,feel like,im not part of them..that's why,my love for them,are FLUSHED AWAY!!!

for my late fantasy baby,RIP!!

dear dearest fantasy,
since u left me,on 30th may 2008,i miss u very much.i miss u jumping on my lap and sleep for a long time,i miss u standing by the kitchen window waiting for left overs,i miss u tagging along with me when i walk front&back outside the house,i miss your 'meow's..i miss u sitting & hiding under my blanket..tasy,i miss u so much..u left me,but i made u promise me that u'll never leave me,remember? will i ever see u again?having to face the fact that i was gonna wake up everyday knowing u're not around anymore and everything's just different without u was painful.i called u just now,while i was on the swing,i wonder if u cud still hear me?cuz i really still feel ur presence.i miss u tasy...i miss u very much..i love u and not in a single second that i will stop missing and loving u...
lotsa loads of love,
nathra najmie devarajah

me and zul...

im back again with zul..gosh...we broke up bout 2 months ago..very complicating...in july 2006 we started dating..then broke up in feb/mac 2007..then i was single for a year plus because i love zul so much n cant seem to wanting to replace him with another guy..hmmm...then in april 2008 we coupled back..then in june 2008 we broke up...then now..august 2008..2days ago,we coupled back..i cant get him outta my mind..i just,want him..he's different than any other guy in this world that i've known...soon,i will post up a story bout all the 20++ men i've dated..hahaha....thanks for reading..till then....
*btw,im so influenced by 'gossip girl',the tv drama...where it always end with.....

XOXO

LOVE 2

if u had one person that u loved very much, that u somehow, had to let go off, would u do that? i actually did let this one person that i very much loved. twice,i had to let him go twice, i did let him go because i've learnt that "if u love a person, you've got to learn to let the person go"..ok, that is about love, a different type of love.but what if, u love something, so much, that u wud die for it,but,God love it more than u do,will u let it go?i couldnt.i still havent.i cant.im afraid that i might forget it.im scared and i just couldnt let it go.what if,one day,i try to remember it,but i cant?that's y i cant let it go.and also i love him, too much,he's my baby,and he's still is,and i cant let it go,eventhough he's gone now,for quite sometime.but yet,i still feel him,his presence..i know he is still around.
now,back to reality..that's two difference i found out about love,apart from the 'complicating' things..love..it's a disease..a disease that weakens a body, killing the weak,softly and slowly inside,eating up bits and pieces of the weak's heart.then,the next thing you know................
*now,'weak' here means, a weak person,whom has been over powered by the disease.

The Devil That Killed Me Softly..

as i stand still,
looking at the things around me,
everything's moving fast,
i tried to move,
but my feets are locked,
i tried to scream,
but i can't hear my voice,
then i realized,my lips are shut,
i struggle to move,
but i can't,
i tried,over and over again,
then,everything turned black,
i can't see,
everything is dark,
i'm straining my eyes,
but i still can't see,
then,my heart stopped,
that morning,i wake up,
knowing that i died night before,
but if i died,
who is that person living in my body,
is it,the devils?

something,nothing...

words,
they are only words,
meaning,
it comes straight from the heart,
understand,
that's what the brain will do,
love,
its a kind of feeling that the heart feels,
thoughts,
that's when the brain thinks,
tired,
it's when the body runs out of battery,
politics,
it is a very stupid matter,
time,
is when the clock goes 'tick-tock',
humans,
they are born with different characters,
life,
everyone wants it to be 'purr'-fect,
food,
too much of it makes a person fat,
death,
is when someone's time is over,
goodbye,
is when i end this poem...

What if,one day,u found out that you are adopted?

see,im different from my family...im crazy..i love arts...i LOVE animals...im weird...i LOVE meeting new people...but they are so different..i often think of this..what if i am adopted?how will i react to that?hmm...will i go crazy and mad at the people who brought me up?or will i be glad that they told me?and...am i going to go find my biological parents?or am i gonna be satisfied with the one i have?hmmm...what wud u do?and how many people are there in this world who was adopted and knew about it..and how many didnt know they were adopted?hmm...so weird...and how wud those people who brought them up,who didnt tell them that they were adopted,how wud they feel?guilty?relief?what?im sorry readers,i am a person who thinks alot...ALOT!!really...even when im doin my 'business',even when im asleep i think...i think so..hehe...but really,WHAT IF,ONE DAY,YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU ARE ADOPTED??

Do You Actually Know The People You Live With?

so,i've been thinking..who are those people i live with?those people whom i call mom and dad..those people whom i call sisters..are they really who they are?are they those people whom i know 22years ago?or were they actually being themselves or they are just pretending to be who they are?
maybe dad is being who he is....maybe he isnt..(definately!!)
maybe mum is being who she is...maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
maybe nadia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..
maybe natassia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
there you go...the answers to the question..they are not those people i grew up with..they are not the person i lived with for 22years..who r they?its like they are being possessed by some "evil and crazy demon".....i repeat,"EVIL AND CRAZY DEMON"....that's what they are acting now...my mom wud rather loose her own daughter than letting her marry who she wants to..my dad wud rather spend time with his 90++ years old mother than spending time with his own family..my sister,tassia wud rather marry some guy and dump her family who has been with her since the day she was born...
its so weird...and the worst part is,i am the only one realizing all this..hmmm...im the onli one who thinks my family is broken up...or maybe,going to....
so now...how bout u guys?do you actually know those people you call mum,dad,sister,brother,lover,husband,child...do you actually know them?take a minute to think...who are they?are they the people u knew long time ago?are they?DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH?

love?

this man,named zul khairulzaim...i swear i will never be with him ever again even if he's d only guy left in this world!!he's an ass...and me,im stupid to have gotten back with him again!!gosh...he just dumped me..just like that...gosh...so now im single again....but so not available!haha...but yeah...now it makes me think..over n over again...how many people in this world have been hurt by their loved ones?loved ones here doesnt have to be boyfren/girlfren..it cud be parents,best fren and so on...it really hurts to be hurt by these people that we 'love'...now..my mind is questioning:"what is love?"...wat is love?hmm...is it when we have feelings for a person?or we care for a person?love is damn complicating wehhh!!!hmmm....

parents and kids these days

parents this days...they say:its not easy to be a parent...
kids this days...they say:when im a parent,im so not gonna giv hard time to my kids..

basically,parents and kids these days,i think,they dont understand each other...hmmm..but then again,parents dont simply dont let their kids do things coz they wanna protect them..they love them...but kids,they want freedom..hmmm...two different minded people we have here...wat do u think of this?have u ever thought,who is right n who is wrong?and if u r a kid now,when u grow to be a parent,are u gonna do the same to ur kids?or the opposite?and if u r a parent now,what r u gonna do to ur kids?still love n protect them by not giving them the freedom they want?or love them by letting them do things which u know will eventually destroy ur kids life?

what does family mean?

what is a family?what does it mean?coz all i knoe is that,my family,taught me alot of shit..they make me think,if having a family,will end up like what my family is going through now,i dont want to start one.coz,i dont want my kids to suffer,like i am going through...so,what does family means?happy family?keluarga bahagia?kononnya la kan?family portrait,semua nampak happy,but look beyond the picture,are they really happy?are they what they potray?does a happy family really exist?question your self..is it worth it,to go through all the troubles,to start a family,then ending up to be not what u expect it to be?everyone doing their own thing,not thinking bout how others feel,not caring enough for each other..saying that i have ur back but the fact is...they cant even take care of them self...hmmm...think about it...just use ur brains,that god gave to all of u...and think...think of the future..the answer u get to it,its amazing...can be positive and can be negative..and,kononnya,its up to u to change it..wat if u tried and tried,but,yet,nothing happens...and u get sick of it..what do u do...u cant do anything anymore..can u...coz u r sick of it..tired...and u knoe,u cant do anything anymore if the others dont help each other..if they dont try,u try...but u fail..everything wont work if u tepuk sebelah tangan..right?hmm...think about all this...thank you for reading this...thank you...gracias...

love strikes again..

well,im back with my ex again..zul khairulzaim..so in love la..i love him so much...

100% legal

100% legal.....how great it feels....im 21 now...my mum present me a gold chain,a key with d number 21 on it...the key to my freedom.....but yet,i musnt waste it...i must use it well...but anyway,im 21 man......thats awesome...i can vote now...and i can club too...how cool is that..haha....but,i must be wiser in the things i do...i have to think well b4 i take actions...i must think what is right from wrong...yes...i must do that from now on....awesomeeeee.......

after so long...

wow...after so long..here i am again,writing...yet,no ideas coming out of my head...hmmm...thinking and thinking hard now,but still,ideas are all trapped in side my juicy brains..haha...gud stuff,bad stuff...bad stuff,lotsa shit happening in my life rite now....gud stuff,im single and im happy bout it..haha...yet,my eyes are still looking at cute guys,but,deep in my heart,i dont want to have a boyfriend..im happy being single..i save lotsa time..i dont waste money...i dont waste my feelings...the most important thing is,i dont have to lie to my parents..haha....ok..thats it..my head hurts now...got to stop writing...but y my fingers are still on the keyboard..haha...ok ok...enough now....i love my self...and love who ever who reads my blog..i appreciate it..hehe...tq.....owh,just in case,this is my myspace url www.myspace.com/princessnathra........huhu...tata...

-perhaps-

im sitting in the dark,
im trying to figure out this life,
i cant find my path,
i cant understand life,
i dont know what i want,
what i want to be,
if i ever know about it,
how am i going to complete it,
im normal..not disable,
then why cant i live normal?
why cant i be asured of my life?
maybe i should end this life,
but then,i still have my loved ones,
they are there for me..
my family,my pets,and my special friend..
perhaps i shall change,
i must try achieving dreams,
after all...i still have my loved ones...

-created on 8th june 2003-

-feelings-

i feel like im alone,
i dont know why,
i feel tired of this feelings,
i want to get away,
from this feelings that is creeping in me,
i cant concentrate in life,
i dont know what i want,
i cant sleep at night,
i cant live my life,
i feel alone,
i feel bored,
i hate this feelings,
i want to run away,
far away from this feelings,
maybe i should hide in the jungle,
or run away to the sea,
perhaps i will forget this feelings then,
i hate the way it comes in me,
it conquers my body and soul,
this feelings make me hate myself, people and the world,
i hurts me inside,
till i hate to live,
and i dont want to stay alive,
because i cant find my path,
i feel bored and tired of this feelings,
i want to run away,
away from this freaky feelings,
that has been in me for a long time...

-created by me on 8th june 2003 at 12.24am-

-confuse-

im just a girl,
who shares a part of this world,
with the people i dont even know,
with the animals i like..

but somehow,
i cant find my destiny,
i dont understand the world,
i cant find my path..

i dont know why im here,
in this world that will end,
why must i share this world,
what is the cause i am here?

but however,
i feel thankful to be here,
cause i can fight back,
for the rights of these animals..

maybe that's why i am here,
to fight for animals,
to stand by their sides,
when they are weak..

i really love them,
they are innocent,
they are just a part of this world,
and i believe that this world are theirs..

only humans who say,
as if this world is theirs,
as if they are greater than anything,
but actually,they are the weakest..

they are humans who dont realize,
with all the pleasures they have,
they forget who they are,
and tend to rule..

but i will somehow,
help these animals,
to carry on conquering,
this world of theirs...

-created by me on 3rd june 2003 at 11.05pm-

-mother-

mother...
you are my heaven,
you brought me up with tender care,
you shared all your tender love,
you put me in a safe condition,
you are always there to support me...

mother...
i know it was hard for you giving birth to me,
i know your kind heart cries when i hurt you,
i know deep in your heart,you suffer,
i realize the troubles i gave you,
but i still attempt to do it...

mother...
no matter how much you scold,
no matter whatever you do,
i know whatever you done is for me,
i remember all those times i used to hurt you,
i remember all those times i cheated you...

mother...
i just want you to know,
no matter how much i hurt you,
no matter how much i made you cry,
you are still my mother,
and no one can replace you...

mother...
you are the best,
you are more than a best friend,
i'm so sorry for what i've done all this years,
i want you to know that,
with all of my heart,i love you...

-created by me on 26/5/2003-

-once upon a time-

once upon a time,
it is very beautiful,
it is full of flora and fauna,
it is so clean..

once upon a time,
we breath clean air,
we drank clean water,
we listen to beautiful sounds..

once upon a time,
the rivers and seas was full of fishes,
the forest was full of creatures,
the sky was full of birds..

once upon a time,
it was a beautiful place,
it was the heaven for humans,
but now,what's left is more like hell...

-created on by me on 22nd may 2003-

-do you realize that?-

do you realize that,
that they are dying,
they are suffering,
and it is all because of you?

do you realize that,
you took away their home,
you took away their family,
you ruin everything in their life..

do you realize that,
that we need tghem,
that they are part of our life?
but you capture them..

do you realize that,
you treat them badly,
you hurt them,
you kill them..

do you realize that,
they are part of this world,
we share the world with them,
you suppose to protect them...

do you realize that..
they need our love,
they need our care,
they need freedom...

do you realize that,
you are hurting them,
you are losing them,
and you will regret when they are gone...

-this poem is for all humans-
-stop cruelty to animals-
-created by me on 20th may 2003 at 9.05pm-

-teacher-

dear teacher..
in class,
you are the rose among the thorns,
because you are the smart one,
and we are the inarticulate,
you are like our mother,
who always cared and understand,
you never get tired teaching us,
you never get sick of our attitude,
you are always there when we needed you...
this day comes only once a year,
we will never get to do this next year,
as we will not see you again,
as we step into the world for a new challenge,
we would like you to know that,
we really appreciate you,
from the bottom of our heart,
we will always remember you...
happy teacher's day...

-created by me,specially for teacher's day on the lastyear b4 i graduated in highschool,on 12th may 2003-

-the world-

the world is a beautiful place,
it is where we live on,
it is full of nature,
it is full of joys...

the world was once full of happiness,
but now is has turned into a disaster,
it has been destroyed totally,
destroyed by our own hands...

we are running out of time,
to be in this world,
so come and join our hands,
to save this polluted world...

-created by me on 7th may 2003-

baby arrow n bunnie..

once upon a time,there lived a huge cat named arrow.he was so sweet,and one day,he fell in love with a bunnie..they played all day and all night,running around freely across the field..then,they both climb a mountain,and found an old wooden house..arrow told bunnie not to go in,but bunnie was anxious to find out what was in there..arrow forced bunnie to go home with him,so they left for home..the next morning,arrow woke up from sleep and couldnt find bunnie anywhere,and he guessed that bunnie had went to the old wooden house..bunnie did went to the old wooden house..bunnie was walking in and saw a witch casting spells on little 7dwarfs..bunnie got shock and accidently shouted.the witch heard her and cast a spell on her turning her into a teddybear..the witch then threw bunnie outside the door..arrow otherwise,rushed to the mountain and was heading to the old wooden house..he then found bunnie,on the road,turned into a teddy bear..arrow was so sad....he then brought the bunnie back home...arrow lived with bunnie and never let bunnie out of his sight...even when he is sleeping.....-the end-

p/s:this is a picture i captured while arrow sleeping with the bunnie...so sweet right?poor bunnie....

hahaha...funnie story...huhu....

-created by me on 20th november 2006-

-all my life-

all my life,
i only wanted happiness,
all my life,
must be full of fullfillness,
i was just hoping,
for a miracle to happen,
that would probably change my life,
that would probably make things better,
when i think about it,
what i know is that,
all my life,
it has been full of tears,
it's sad and i feel like a stranger,
a stranger to this world...

-created by me on 27th april 2003-

guess that's how break up ends...

i broke up....at last...im happie...but i dont know y,i just feel so sad deep inside me...i dont love him anymore...but,y am i feeling so shitty rite now?y?i wish i wuz sent into a time demention where i can turn everything around...back to my childhood days...and make everything right....be smart at school,never have a bf at all,make my parents save up 4 my studies...haha....easy 4 me to say all that,but,never easy 4 it to be done...haha...funnie ekk how life cud be....wow....rite now,im just thinking,thinking hard bout what happen....y am i regretting breaking up...hmm....stupid shit laa...shitty shit...fuckin shit...gosh...bloody hell....owh no,y am i cursing rite now...gosh...nutcase..ahahhaha....see,now i feel like laughing at all that has happen...it all happen in this past 20 years...damn..i shouldnt have been born...haha...im such a nutcase....huhu...i wasted all my life wasting time...haha...wow,that's d best sentence ever made by me..huhu....see,im going gaga...aiyoyoo...owh,yesterday,i watched free willy...damn i wish i had a whale...and the whale wud be my best friend...or a horse...but by best friends are all cats...i dont really have a human fren...my sister only,she's my best bestest fren ever...wow...i love her....she's d best...tassia...goshh...amazing person..the rest of my family,hmm...i rather not start shit bout them....that's it...no more shit to write...guess that's it...maybe,break up ends with sadness....rite?guess that's how break up ends.........

-written by the complicated me,on 19th november 2006-

-everyday life-

im sitting outside my house,
watching the outmosphere of life,
this what happens in everyday life,
kids with their football lessons,
skaters with their skating sessions,
and me, doing nothing except watching,
all i wanted was nothing but to play,
i'm an adult on the outside,
but i'm a kid in the inside,
im sick of this heavy life,
just waiting for the time,
the moments of my life,
to enjoy in my own ways of life...

-created by me on 27th april 2003-

-if-

if only i was a bird,
living outside the window,
chirping all day long,
flying freely across the country..

if only i had wings,
i would fly everywhere,
meeting new people and places,
that would be a great explore..

if only i was a fish,
swimming freely in the oceans,
with no place to go,
and no one to face..

if only i had fins,
i would swim everywhere,
meeting new species,
that would change my whole life..

if only i were to be what i wanted to be,
i would be free from paranoids,
i would probably have a better life,
the life that would set me free...

-created by me on 27th april 2003-

-miserable life-

i've been crying all day,
in this rainy evening of friday,
there's not much days left,
to step on a new stage of life,
i've been looking for a chance,
to be loyal to God,
but i often fail the course,
so,i would perhaps be,
much of the old me,
who will die in pain,
suffer all day and night,
i tried to think about the last time,
when i last had a good time,
but at this moment,
my life is already miserable...

-created by me on 27th april 2003-

-life-

i'm sitting here in the dark,
all alone in my room,
i'm thinking about life,
that will soon be doomed..

my life was once great,
it was once a happy story,
but now what's left is,
nothing but misery..

i'm waiting here all alone,
waiting for someone to save me,
i need to be free,
to feel what's left for me..

i feel like i'm paralysed,
my body is tied up,
i cant bear the pain,
to suffer again and again..

-created by me on 27th april 2003-

-sisters-

sisters..
they are there always,
they will always be around you,
they share your joys and pains..

sisters,
no matter how much you hate them,
you will always love them,
you will always praise them..

sisters,
they will be there when you are sick,
they will also be there when you are dying,
they will share the pain with you..

sisters,
if they are far away,
on a holiday or studies,
we will then be apart,
but they will always remain in my heart..

sisters,
they will help you in all ways,
even if they have to lie,
even lying to parents,
they will be there,
FOREVER...

-created by me on 18th april 2003-

-love-

love..
it is a beautiful feeling,
it is romantic,
it comes when we fall for a living creature,
it can be humans,
it can be animals..

love..
it can destroy a person,
in just a flash of light,
it can cause death,
to a person who suffers,
from an unreciprocated love..

love..
when the beloves leaves and never returned,
it is to be an absurd,
it is a feeling that will capture us,
and drown a person in love..

love,
it can be sweet,
it can be nice,
but remember,
it can be harmful..

-created by me on 17th april 2003-

-Friends-

friends..
havings friends sometimes are troublesome,
we fight among ourselves,
like kinder kids,
but somehow,
we will get back together..

friends..
they are there when i am sad,
they are there to share my joys,
they lend me their shoulders,
when i shed my tears..

friends..
we spend our mornings in school,
we spend our evenings together,
only at night we dont see each other,
we spend our weekends together,
we entertain ourselves forever,
and we will be friends forever..

but suddenly..
it suddenly changes into fear,
when we dont see each other,
we have our own paths,
to plan our own future..

but no matter how far we are,
i will always remember,
those times we spent together,
those memories we shared together,
it will always be with me,
FOREVER...

-created by me on 17th april 2003-

Sometimes...Life...

Sometimes...
Sometimes I feel like running away,
Running away from parents,
Running away from friends,
Running away from problems and troubles,
Running away from life,
Keep on running forever..

But all this is a part of life,
Facing all the problems,
Solving all this games of life,
Completing the whole course of life,
Living out this hard life..

Sometimes..
Sometimes I feel like dreaming,
Dreaming about a great life,
Dreaming about a big house,
Dreaming about a great family,
Dreaming about great days,
Keep on dreaming..

But to think about all this,
This is just games of life,
About God's games,
About God's tests,
And we got to end it in God's way..

-created by me on 17th April 2003-

wow...unbelievable but somehow,its true...

hmm....well...its done...im really goin to uk this time....unbelievable....scary...but...its true...omg...im scared...but cant wait to go...but i feel sad having to leave my babies...im gonna miss my 9 babies...arrow,fantasy,misse,soxy,rasta,smeagol,teddie,maddox and muffin....goshh...and my parents...mummy and daddy...my sisters..nadia and natassia...my love bed..huhu....i wish i cud talk to someone bout this...my sis or somebody...but...no one will hear me...they will say choose 1...future or the loved ones...damn...y must human make such devistating decisions?it unfair..isnt it?i wish i have an alien fren who wud listen and gimme gud ideas..maybe like doraemon or something...then he cud open a door which wud lead me straight home without having to take a flight back to malaysia...damn it...but of course...that's all just phantasies....rite...it cant be true...coz...if it is true..then people might kidnapp it to use it for some other reasons...hmm...well maybe it is like what i have said...if u love a person,u must learn to let them go...so...in order to have a better future(which i must have education),i have to leave everything behind...aint that true...goshh...but...i dont wanna be all alone in some country whom i dont knoe anyone...that's so cruel...celebrating your birthday alone,celebrating raya alone,if u r sick u bear it alone...aint fair at all...damnnn....y cant things be easy and fair...??god oh god....u r great...

-scared-
princess nathra

wow...here i am again...thinking...whut shud i write this time....i left all my poems at home..so..no poems for now...hmm...well,well...let's see...maybe i shall talk bout...how much i love my babies...my cats...i have 9 of them...oh gosh...i have so much to say bout them...just cant stop..so i better not start..huhu...owh..i just think there's sumthing bout me and animals...its like..i have a connections with them or sumthing...hmm..wow wii junior jucci...wkakakka....klaa...damn bored...dont think i have anything interesting to say anymore....so...thnx 4 reading my blog yahh...huhu....love u all...muahhhxxx....

love,
-princess nathra-

hmmm....its been months...now..leaving it...

wow....started work on the 20th january 2005.....and 30th june will be my last day....damn....cant believe it laa....topshop midvalley is like part of my blood now...they r my family.....omg....time flyz by so fast ekkk....hmm....felt like i just started work yesterday...sad to leave work....but cant help it...need to continue study....hmm...well,i hope they will always be part of me....hmmm....love all d topshop peeps!!!

omg....friends??

have u guys ever felt like u guys have a so called nice,funnie,best friend?but they turn out to be......total shit??i have a fren...whom i like to be close with....but....since i introduced her to some other frenz....she backstabbed me by taking all my frenz away...man she's full of shit...she's a bitch!!!!SHE SHALL BURN IN HELL!!!shit...i so have to learn how to do voodoo...then just do it on her.....muahahahahhahahahhaha.....................................u bitch!!!fyruz!!!go to hell!!!!u shud burn in hell!!!

natassia...

as i sit alone in this cold,lonely night,
i feel like the time has stopped,
everything is on pause mode,only me still left breathing here,
there's nothing i can do,
but somehow,memories of you are playing on my mind,
i wonder,are you ever coming back in my life,
or are you just gonna be in my memories forever,
wondering if we are gonna build new memories together,
like we used to,having so much fun,holding hands,
lying on a bed together with so much laughter,all that fun,i miss...
all those laughter,i cherish...
no matter what,you will always be mine...

egoku...egomu jua....

selalu aku terbayang,
setelah kini kita tidak bersama,
adakah kau gembira tanpaku di luar sana,
adakah kau mampu mencintai orang lain,
sebagaimana aku mencin tai dirimu,
pernah juga aku terfikir,
adakah kau teringatkan diriku ini,
adakah kau merindui belaianku,
sebagaimana aku merinduinya,
atau adakah kau juga masih mencintaiku,
sebagaimana aku masih mencintai dan merindui dirimu itu,
setiap saat,setiap hari,
mungkin juga,
kau tidak teringatkan diriku,
atau kau membenci diriku,
atau kau tidak mahu mempunyai kaitan atau ikatan dengan ku lagi,
mungkin semua ini benar,
cuma aku yang tidak mahu percaya,
atau mungkin,
aku membiarkan egoku bertakhta.....

life....what it means to me...

wow...isnt is terrible to live in such world like we r on rite now?people are just extreamly cruel...and...i always imagine,the world wud break into pieces,and i ask myself,"where wud i fall?"..............

to be continued when i remember wat i thought of while i wuz in the car few days back.................

wow...kEwLLL!!!!

++OMG!!!I cant believe this...kak sharifah reads my blog too??og god...she's d coolest person i knew...i love her..goshh...she and her hubby,Amir,is just so nice...i really cant believe this...she reads my blog...ahahha...i am d luckiest person laa...hmmm....well...anyway..to all friends who reads my blog...im so sorrie for not writing poems these days...i do have tonnes of poems...i just dont have the time to write it into my blog...im sorrie...please accept my appologies...tq...take care!!love u all!!mUaHhHxXx!!!

my first endless love..

-this poem is not connected to me,or any humans or creature on earth.not even connected to the deads.it was made for fun and laughter-
-created on 11th august 2005-

its amazing the first time we met,
with just a smile we became friends,
our heart was meant to be together,
we were set to meet each other,
how you smiled to me,i could still remember,
how your friends looked at me,i couldnt even bother,
because that time,i still remember,
we were so into each other...
we were young,we were small,
so much fun we had together,
and now the time has come,
after years of growing up with fun and laughter,
we were forced to leave this nature,
our life has set our future,
we will never gonna see each other,
you went to LA,i went to UK,
we have then forgotten our times together,
years has passed,
we came back to Malaysia,
with a degree and a white lover,
so happen,we accidently bump into each other,
shocked,depressed and anger,
were all mixed up together for each other's white lover,
but we talked and got to know,that the white arent our lover,
we were meant to be together,
proposals were made,
at last,we lived happily ever after...

kenangan...

di saat tadi,
ku merenung pada kehidupan,
ku terkenang peristiwa lalu,
kenangan pahit dan manis,
kesedihan dan ke gembiraan,
semuanya terlintas di fikiran...
di saat ini,
ku kesepian,
ku tertanya-tanya,
ke mana perginya teman-temanku?
ke mana hilangnya mereka?
aku dilupakan...
di zaman sekolah,
mereka telah mencipta kenangan,
kini,mereka meninggalkan keperitan padaku,
aku berfikir sejenak,
mengapa harus aku kesepian?
mengapa harus aku menunggu mereka?
sudah menjadi adat dunia,
kawan makan kawan,
sudah menjadi adat dunia,
kawan membawa penderitaan,
sudah menjadi adat dunia,
kawan mencipta kesunyian,
jadi,apa guna aku menanti kepulangan mereka?
tetapi,kenangan kita bersama,
akan ku semadikan disini,
di dalam hatiku yang sepi ini...

this poems goes to my frenz...
-created on 11th August 2005-

-Nadia-

this special announcement i make to you my sister,
to speak the truth that lies in my cold heart,
i know you will be mad at me for this,
but i have to let u know,
that night i thought to myself,
for so many reasons i wanted to kill you,
for so many reasons i wanted you to change,
to learn to respect and have kind hearted feelings,
and to have a pinch of patiency in your heart,
but no,you never seem to understand...
you treat us(people) nice when u need help,
you treat us(people) bad when u have used us,
everynight i pray for u to change,
to stop hurting them(mom+dad),
to start changing your cold stoned heart,
but never had God listen to me,not even once,
and so today i wrote,
this 'unrythemic' poem for u,
hoping and praying for a change,but i doubt,all of this to play...

-this poem is written cuz of anger,sadness,pityness and so which is bursting in my heart,for so long i wanted to say it,i believe now the time has come..im sorrie if i hurt u..but wait,maybe im not..i cud have hurt u n do shit along time ago,but no,u were the onli sister i cud hang on to,and i didnt wanted u to hate me,but,i said sorrie every single time i hurt u,but did u ever,ever said sorrie when u hurt me?and how pain my heart was when u ungkit wat u paid for me b4 when we fight,u know how pain my heart was when u said bad things to me,and when u hurt mum n dad's feelings,they cried,THEY FUCKING CRIED,and how u cud just make a person shut,like forever n crying crazily in their heart..think again sis..owh,ya,maybe u dont want me as ur sis anymore..but remember,wat ever happens to u,who helps u?who sort things out?who cared for u?did ur frens came to help when u r in deep shit?wait,did they even give a damn?hmm...it wud take years if i wanna answer that..so,just think again and again,change..pls..just change..i thought u to be patient once,but u cant..maybe u have to do it urself..but pls do..do change fast cuz i want the sister i had before she started college....-

to whom this may concern!!

well,if u r reading this..i hope u get sick n die fast..that's my wish everynight..cuz i cant bear the pain of living in this world with such person like u in it!!you r cold stoned hearted,no respect for others,no brains,always talk big bout ur self when u r NUTTIN AT ALL...and serve u right fer everysingle shit that happened to u all your life...if u wanna hurt ur bloody fucked up self,go ahead but dont make people get hurt because of ur fucked up big headed self!!ya,i dont care who u r,what u r,how big u r,how fucked up u r,cuz whut i know is that,i dont mind seeing u die but i do mind seeing others suffer because of u!!so get that in ur head!!i hate u!!i never loved u before!!never!!not even a single mingle second of my life!!ever since i wuz born,i wuz born to hate u!!and im saying it again,I HATE U!!I WISH U WERE DEAD!!I WISH I NEVER KNEW U!!

-terpaku-

Aku terbaring layu,
Aku kaku,
Aku tidak bisa menggerakkan badanku,
Aku cuma mampu mengelip mataku,
Tetapi cahaya terang menyakiti mataku,
Aku cuba menjerit,
Tetapi suaraku tidak kedengaran,
Suaraku ditelan angin yang bertiupan,
Aku lemah,Aku layu,
Aku tidak bermaya,
Aku cuba bangkit,
Mengapa?Mengapa?
Aku tertanya-tanya,
Adakah aku akan terikat disini untuk selama-lamanya?
Adakah aku akan reput disini?
Tidak,Aku mahu pulang,
Aku mahu pulang...
Lepaskanlah diriku ini,
Lepaskanlah aku yang lemah dan tak bermaya ini,
Jangan biarkan diriku terpaku disini,
Kesunyian,tanpa sesiapa...

-created on 280705-

Terbang bebas...

Aku ingin terbang di awang-awangan,
Bawalah daku ke sana,
Terbang bebas bersama burung-burung,
Di awan yang biru dan luas,
Bagaikan berenang di lautan,
Aku ingin menari di udara,
Tinggi setinggi-tingginya,
Bukalah tangan seluas-luasnya,
Dan terbanglah bersama di udara,
Ikutlah irama merdu burung-burung,
Dan menarilah sebebas-bebasnya...

-created by me on 23 July 2005-

-Bunuh Diri-

Aku berdiri di hujung bukit,
Aku berfikir panjang,
Apa aku ini binatang untuk diperlakukan begini?
Sedangkan binatang pun mendapat layanan baik...
Masalah,Masalah,Masalah..
Itu saja yang ada di dalam hidupku,
Aku tidak mempunyai harta,
Aku akan kehilangan keluargaku suatu ketika nanti,
Jadi,apa guna aku berada di dunia?
Untuk melihat keperitan?
Untuk merasai kesakitan?
Setelah itu,
Aku mengangkat sebelah kakiku ke hadapan,
Lalu angin kencang meniup diriku dari depan,
Dan seketika itu,
Aku dibayangi kenangan-kenangan manis bersama keluargaku,
Dan ketika itulah,
Aku sedar apa yang bakal aku lakukan,
YA ALLAH...Aku menjerit,
Lalu aku mengundur dan rebah ke bumi yang nyata ini,
Aku berkata,
Walau seteruk mana sekalipun hidup ini,dunia ini,
Semua ini,tetap kurniaan Allah,
Dan Allah itu Maha Segalanya,
Maka saat itu,
Aku tersedar,
Aku dibuai mimpi ngeri yang benar...

-created by [princess nathra]-
-on 22 July 2005-

Kehidupan ini...

Apa benar semua ini?
Sampai bila harus ku menahan keperitan ini?
Sampai bila harus ku simpan duka di hati?
Mengapa terjadi sebegini?
Aku cuma hamba Allah yang tiada apa-apa,
Jadi mengapa harus ku dibuat begini?
Aku terseksa,
Aku dilukai,
Aku tidak bisa meneruskan begini,
Aku ingin maju ke hadapan,
Tetapi...
Aku disekat,
Disekat oleh keperitan hidup ini,
Aku tidak boleh terus begini...
Mengapa?Mengapa aku dijadikan seperti mainan?
Mainan untuk menguji kehidupan...
Apa salah aku berdiri di bumi yang nyata ini?
Apa harus aku saja yang diperbuat begini?
Mengapa?
Biarkanlah diriku ini,
Biarkan diriku sendirian sahaja,
Untuk mengenal dunia,
Dan kehidupan yang sebenar....

-created by [pRiNcEsS_nAtHrA]-
-on 22 July 2005-

Persoalan 2...

Apa yang telah aku lakukan?
Kesilapan yang tidak patut terjadi,
Mengapa?
Mengapa aku terseksa begini?
Mengapa harus berakhir begini?
Apa harus aku terima penghinaan ini?
Apa harus aku simpan dendam ini?
Dan biarkan diriku dibakar api yang membara didalamku?
Atau biarkan hati ini diguris lagi?
Walaupun aku lemah,
Tak bisa melangkah,
Tak bisa tersenyum,
Aku pasti dapat berdiri,
Tabah hati menghadapinya,
Kerna diriku amat berharga,
Kerna aku masih memiliki keluarga,
Kerna aku yakin,
Bahawa diriku,walaupun lemah,
Dengan semangat membara dan sokongan padu,
Aku pasti melangkah jauh ke hadapan...

Writen by,
-Nathra Najmie Devarajah-
-20 July 2005-

Persoalan..

Hari ini,
Hari yang telah menentukan segalanya,
Aku sedar,
Aku tak bisa menoleh kebelakang,
Aku juga tidak bisa,
Tidak bisa melangkah jauh ke hadapan,
Kerna aku terikat,
Terikat pada komitmen,pada perjanjian,dan pada keluargaku,
Aku tidak mampu berdiri teguh,
Aku lemah untuk meneruskan perjalanan,
Aku cuma mampu melihat,
Melihat apa yang menantiku dihadapan,
Apa yang telah ditetapkan?
Apa yang akan terjadi?
Di fikiranku cuma bermain seribu satu persoalan,
Persoalan yang tidak mungkin ku ketahui,
Atau tidak mungkin aku percaya,
Tetapi pasti dijawab...

Writen by,
-Nathra Najmie Devarajah-
-20 July 2005-

-memories of the good old days-

Two years has passed,
Since the last day i wore my uniform,
It's amazing how time passes by so fast,
Cuz it feels like it all happened yesterday.
I could still hear my friend's laughter,
Over a small piece of joke,
I could still remember all those silent noises we made,
How we use to talk while listening to the teacher's teachings,
And how the teachers reacted to it,
The voices of my teachers is also clear to my ears,
Like a radio wave,going up and down.
Not forgetting recess,
While we use to sit together,me and my friends,
Eating a piece of chocolate cake and some titbits,
While talking and laughing,
And we will take our own sweet time to get to the class,
Minutes after the bell rang.
And there we was,
Stuck in the class again,
But yet,the voices of laughter is still there,
And when the last bell rang,
You could see happinest in each face,
Waiting anxiously to go back,
And the silence of the classroom,when everyone leaves,
Its empty,waiting for the next day,
To fill with laughter and joy again,
Like a tree without flowers,
Or like the zoo without animals,
There it was,something missing in the room,
And all this is so clear to me,
Like it all happened yesterday...

-created by [pRiNcEsS_nAtHrA]-
-memories of the good old days-

my song...

I will love you all my life,
And always be there by yourside,
I would stay with you forever,
And i'll be right by yourside,
I will hold you in my arms,
And even till I die,
I would lay with you forever,
Don't break my heart again,
I would stay with you forever,
But you must stop giving me pain...

and so on...havent really created it yet...this is just part of it..hmm...havent felt the love mood yet...cuz im not in love...hmmm..yeah..not in love..love sux!!

so much for the day called "birthday"

wow...there i wuz,using the computer couple of days before my birthday,my sister came petting my head and calling me "sayang"..weird but true..hmm..she asked me if i wanted my present that day or on my birthday..i just smile and said,i dont know..so she just gave me the present there n then..i smelled it(always do when i get new things) and said i knoe wat this is..it is a book..a poem book i wanted so much..i wuz happie,of course..who wouldnt be happie receiving presents,rite?fine then...26june at midnite,i started receiving sms'es from frenz..not close frenz...i wuz happie...my so called my frenz,best frenz,never even remember...wow...that made me sad..so the day finally came,27th june...i woke up..took a shower,did everything and got ready to go out..told my mum i wanna go to my ex highschool..i went alone..none of my friends wanted to accompany me on that day...sad...but my ex wanted to meet me..fine..he's nice..so i went to school,met my favourite teacher n left her my poems for her to read n do some corrections..then i went to metro-->the only mall in kajang-->the city of hell...while waiting for him in a shop having a glass of syrup all alone,a guy from the next table came and ask for my name..he wanted to know me..owhhh...gatal..haha..i said no..but he ask me like he wuz begging for my name..so i told him the name..he left..then my ex came..it wuz 2 at that time..we sat there,talking and my phone rang,the name "muh crib" appears..and i wuz like,damn...whut do they want..and found out,my mom told me to come home at that very moment..it wuz 2.15..i had to say ok cuz i promised her i will be back bout 2...plus she dont knoe bout me meeting my ex...so safer if i'd leave at that very moment..so i went home after only 15minutes of hanging out with my ex..damn...and that's if for that day..nothing else..but happie to when tash(my sister who is stuck in uk) called to wish me and told me she bought a present for me..haha..but,otherwise,that's it...sad sad but all true..whut a day..so much for the day called "birthday"........

-written by princess nathra-

Writing in the afterlife-->by billy collins

I imagined the atmosphere would be clear,
shot with pristine light,
not this sulfurous haze,
the air ionized as before a thunderstorm.

many have pictured a river here,
but no one mentioned all the boats,
their benches crowded with naked passengers,
each bent over a writing tablet.

I knew I would not always be a child
with a model train and a model tunnel,
and I knew I would not live forever,
jumping all day through the hoop of myself.

I had heard about the journey to the other side
and the clink of the final coin
in the leather purse of the man holding the oar,
but how could anyone have guessed

that as soon as we arrived
we would be asked to describe this place
and to include as much detail as possible--
not just the water,he insists,

rather the oily,fathomless,rat-happy water,
not simply the shackles,but the rusty,
iron,ankle-shredding shackles--
and that our next assignment would be

to jot down,off the tops of our heads,
our thoughts and feelings about being dead,
not really an assignment,
the man rotating the oar keeps telling us--

think of it more as an exercise,he groansm
think of writing as a process,
a never-ending,infernal process,
and now the boats have become jammed together,

bow against stern,stern locked to bow,
and not a thing is moving,only our diligent pens.

-this poem is taken from the poem book "nine horses" written by Billy Collins,the author of sailing alone around the room-

someday..

someday..
i will be smart,
i will be rich,
i will be what i want to be..
someday..
i will be there,
i will waiting,
i will be calling,
my voice will be flying with the wind..
someday..
i will be proud,
i will be what u want me to be,
i will stand tall,
and speak for the world..
someday,
im sure of what i will say,
i wont be a tiny ants,shrinking,without anyone seeing,i will be a big,noticable human,
standing tall on this world..
someday,
wait for me there,
coz i will be coming,
to see u there.....

created by,
-princess_nathra- on 28thjune

27june!!

27 june a date to remember,
where a beautifool baby girl wuz born..
she wuz preety,cheerful,sophisticated and smart,
she wuz indeed the future's beauty queen,
but all of a sudden,
god wanted all that to change,
she became a cute,bassically a normal person..
god....i cant do this..im seriously running out of ideas now to write a poem...haha...by d way,the gurl was called nathra..and she wuz ME!!!hahaha....

for INDRA!!

bukan itu yg ku pinta..sayangku..
bukan itu yg ku mahukan...
tetapi keadaan yg memaksa ku memutuskan hubungan ini..
tetapi atas dasar cinta..
ku tidak ingin menyusahkan dirimu..
ku tidak ingin melihat mu susah kerna ku..
aku menyayangimu..aku mengasihimu..
aku ingin bersamamu..utk selamanya..
tetapi..ku ingin kau bergembira..
ku ingin kau hidup senang..
kau teruskanlah berusaha..
teruskanlah bekerja..mencari rezeki..
janganlah kau risaukan pasal daku..
janganlah bersedih kerna diriku..
janganlah berputus asa kerna keputusan ku..
aku pasti kejayaan akan kau bawa sama..
akan kau capai kejayaan itu!!

criminals??the guilt in me!!

wow..how stupid humans are this days??gosh...brainless stupid uneducated humans!!yesterday..i wuz walking down the street of my house with my fren..and we saw a box.."filled with 3 kittens!!"..gosh..y??y humans these days cud be so brainless..the kittens shud be bout 1 month old...poor cute little kittens..by d way..here goes the guilt storie...then i brought home the kittens and guess whut i got from my parents??-->a true shout and scolding..gosh...guess saving the kittens was wronmg to them rite??hmm..so my mum told me to send those kittens to the tnb cuz there's alot of kids n family people there..so i did..me and my fren walk to the tnb at the back of my house and left it in front of a house..which so happen the occupant of the house was going out and they were in the car waiting and watching wat me and my fren was doing...then they reversed the car and me and my fren ran home as fast as we cud...gosh..we so so lost our breathe...but that really made me feel guilty..i felt like i was the one throwing the kittens..i hope god wont blame me for doing that..i had no choice..my fren didnt want it..plus..im not the one who left those kittens in a box by d street..hmm...anyway..i really hope those occupants will take good care of the kittens...hmmm.... *sad*

No title yet!!

Sesungguhnya Tuhan itu maha berkuasa,
Sesungguhnya Tuhan itu pengasih dan penyayang,
Sesungguhnya Tuhan itu maha segala...
Mengapa oh mengapa?
Mengapa duniaku ini berbeza?
Mengapa diriku ini lemah?
Mengapa aku rebah ke bumi,
Dan tidak dapat merasa lagi?
Apa salahku di dunia?
Ya,aku memang bersalah,
Aku menipu orang dan diriku sendiri..
Aku tidak dapat melarikan diri,
Mahupun menukar emosiku ini...
Betapa bencinya hatiku pada diriku ini,
Aku menyalahkan diriku untuk segalanya,
Aku menagih simpati,belas kasihan,
padahal,aku sudah memiliki segalanya,
Segalanya yang lebih dari mencukupi,
Tapi,aku sedar,
Tuhan telah menjadikan manusia begini,
Manusia tidak pernah berpuas hati,
Mungkin kerna itu,aku benci akan diriku ini?
Tapi aku tahu,
Aku pasti akan dapat menyayangi diriku ini,
Bila tiba hari itu,
Aku kan bersyukur pada Tuhan,
Kerna segalanya yang telah diberikan...
Akan ku sedar...Akan ku sedar...

You...(my sisters)

Your eyes shines perfectly,
Your smile makes me happy,
The softness of your hair,
The fairness of your skin,
And the perfect shape of body,
Simply makes me crave for it,
Your kind heart,makes me cry,
And think how kind a person could be...
You, as a person,
Is so perfect to me..
How you earn for respect,
And how you respect your surroundings,
How cool you are going through life,
And how calm you handle this tough atmosphere..
That is why you are so perfect to me...
And I thank God,
For giving me a chance of life, an oppurtunity,
to know you, not as a friend,
but as my sister, my family...

-created on 22nd April 2005-

amazing...

who is funnie...but i think a lot like today..i watched "a lot like love" and "guess who"....guess love is a romantic movie which is so sweet...imagine 6years of love feelings kept in their hearts..and in the end they were together...its a nice movie..i love it!!its amazing how they can keep the feelings for 6 years..goshh...love is so amazing..i guess i havent got the true feelings of love then...haha...

Perasaanku....Untukmu sayang......

malam ini,
dapat kurasa,
kesepian yang menimpa jiwa..
dikala kamu sibuk bekerja,
dikala kamu sibuk mengisi masa,
aku telah pun sedar,
yang adakalanya aku tidak ingin bersamamu,
adakalanya,aku ingin sangat mengenali dirimu itu,
dan adakalanya bila aku menanya diriku,
"mengapa aku bersamamu?",
sudah penat aku pikirkan,
sudah penat aku renung-renungkan,
mungkin kita tidak berjodoh,
mungkin kita tidak harus bersama,
walaupun gitu,aku sentiasa ingin menemanimu,
bukan sebagai kekasihmu,bukan sebagai keluargamu,
tetapi sebagai kawanmu...

-created on 10/06/05-

A Poem For You-->sum1...

Another day is going by,
As I'm thinking bout you all the time,
My heart beats faster,
Everytime we meet each other,
So perfect, you are to me,
That's why I wrote this poetry,
I feel safe and secure when you're around me,
You simply makes me go crazy,
Right now, I know that it is true,
That I am so into you,
The way you smile,
Turns my head wild,
I'm hoping for things that just couldn't be,
I ask myself,"why can't you come and be with me?",
I hate to say goodbye,
Eachtime we say hie,
I don't know how long this feelings will stay,
But I hope it won't go away...

-created by me on 06/06/05-

-I don't care how long it takes,I don't care what you are,or who you are,cuz no matter what,I just wanna be with you..

how cud thiz be??

READ THIS TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, TERRIFYING STORIE!!

im in love...but i have a boyfriend..and d guy im in love with is not my boyfriend...how cud this be??the guy did culinary arts and he's 21..sweet..polite...nice..goshh...if my boyfriend is reading this..im sorrie sayang..i dunno y..but im so in love with him..wish u cud understand but u cant coz even i,myself dont understand..goshhhhh im so in love!!!!!

-confused-

-The Life Of A Mysterious Poet- >cReAtEd bY mE!!

Shall he work for money,
Shall he work for his needs,
Shall he potrey his winnings,
Shall he lay down and sleep..

Thou, the art is a beauty,
It comes from within,
To pen the art on to a paper,
Comes from the heart indeed..

Shall I put a puzzle together,
Nor shall I let it be,
Shall I fix the unsolving questions,
Shall I just wait and see..

Thou, I am not preety,
Nor I have the beauty,
Shall I be a brainy,
I shall let it be and see..

A poem,a poet and a writer..No one can understand them..But people can only feel their feelings..That's what I think people thinks bout me..Here is one poem,I myself created,and am sure that no one could understands it...

-cReaTeD oN 2nd JuNe 2005-

How cute a cat could be!!

Name: Iskandar Arrow
Nickname: Arrow @ Abang @ Son
Age: Not sure,should be bout 7/8 years
Body: Fat,like garfield,or even worse,Huggable,Loveble
Language: Cat language,which my family and I understands well indeed

About a cat called Arrow...
He is the sweetest,
He is the greatest,
He is my son indeed...
He is stubborn,
He is naughty,
He is still my son indeed...
He is the one who sleeps next to me,
He is the one who wakes up the same time as me,
He is, no matter what, my son indeed...

Storie about Arrow...
I wuz 14 back then when I ever first laid my eyes on him.He was just a stray cat pondering around in a school which i attended tuition once a weet at night.Sekolah Kebangsaan Kajang(SKK).Boy,lucky I was that night!!I'm sure you guys can imagine how a stray cat looks like right?Thin,Dirty and so...While I was in class,he came and slept on my bag.And me,rather than studying,was more interested in him and started to play with him.Plus,he looks exactly like my cat who just died due to sickness about a month before I saw Arrow.Except my cat wuz white with a lil brownish faded spots.So,when class ended,I waited for my mom and I actually hide Arrow in the class cuz I know mom will definately let me have him.But it is rude is I dont ask her,right?So as soon as she came,ran went in the car and told her "mum,there is this cat,male cat who looks exactly like Boboi(the cat I had b4),so cute,mum!!Can I have him?Please?"..And my mom actually say "YES"..Gosh,I wuz the happiest at that moment!!So,I ran back to the class that I locked Arrow in,and took him and hid him under my big wool jacket.And my friends looked at me weirdly coz I look like I'm stealing something.I wuz,I know,but..Arrow wuz all alone..Its no harm keeping him..Plus,look at him all grown and fat now..By the way,I got in the car then,and let him go(in the car),and my mom was shocked.She was like "Owh My God,He's big.I thought he is juat a little kitten"..But I said "I didnt tell you that"..But she let me keep him anyway..I love her for that..But now,with 6 cats at home,there's no way I could bring another "ANIMAL" home..As I'm only famous with bringing new animals home.HeHHeHe..But,Im very happy that I have Arrow in my life..He's nice n sweet but stubborn though.He loves car rides,he loves people chasing him around,he loves to go crazy and run all of a sudden like a mad dog..Gosh,he simply makes me laugh..No matter what,Arrow is the cutest creature I have ever seen.You will love him too,trust me.I brought him to college once for a presentation,gosh,everyone,guy and girls,were in love with him.He's so sweet,huggable,well trained(he sat quietly),good behaviour..I love him and I'll always will......
-The End Of The Storie-

27th JUNE-->tHe dAtE 2 rEmEmBa!!

Dear Lovely Readers Of My Blog,

On the 27th June 2005, there will be a rebirth of the princess.The new much much more interesting princess will be reborn into a "Beautiful","Gorgeous","Pretty,Hot And Tempting(PHAT)","Smart And Really Sexy(SARS)" and a whole lot more new characters!!So,please be sure you know her as she won't be the ugly reddish baby she was 19 years ago..Thank you.

Yours Truly,
[me]