OMG OMG OMG...ITS 9.11PM NOW...THE THING THAT I WANT TO BE MOSTTT AT,AT THIS VERY MOMENT OF TIME IS....AVRIL LAVINGE LIVE IN MALAYSIA CONCERT!!!!ARGHHHH.....IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ IM TOO POOR....IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ OF THOSE FREAKING PEOPLE WHO WANTED THE CONCERT TO BE BANNED,IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WROTE NEGATIVE THINGS BOUT HER IN THE PAPERS 'avril is a punk'????WHAT WERE THEY THINKING BOUT??!!!MY DAD IS INFLUENCED BY IT!!DAMN IT!!
see....when avril started out being famous,owhhhh....the papers wrote all those SWEET NICE DELICIOUS things about her...now they wrote bad stuff??!!??very fickled minded stupid idiotic bloody fucking piece of shit bastards!!!arghhh...and owh yeah...how bout those people who wanted the concert to be banned??owhh....how bout PUSSY FREAKING CAT DOLLS???they didnt mind that..wow...avril is not punk!!ok stupitos!!!she's cool...pink princess!!!she write beautiful songs that not even any of those uneducated artist in this country cud write!!arghhh!!!!IM TURNING INTO HULK NOW!!GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!SO SO SUPER ANGRY!!!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
MERDEKA!MERDEKA!MERDEKA!
owh yeah....independence day,is just few days away..so cool..im gonna go out on the eve of independence,celebrating....BUTTTTTT.........I ACTUALLY REALLY STILL DONT GET IT...
DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT MERDEKA MEANS?WHAT DOES INDEPENDENCE DAY MEAN?WHAT DOES THE 31ST AUGUST 1957 MEAN TO YOU GUYS?
seriously man...almost all teenagers these days,people of malaysia these days,actually dont know what independence mean...they will all giv the sameeeeee answer to it 'its d day when malaysia is free from colonization n bla bla bla'.....but...come on...dont u guys think,the education of history of malaysia in malaysia is not good enough for those kids these days?the world is becoming to modern,and the people,of course,want to be modern too...but...no history is installed in them...
well,what i think is that maybe,they shud teach more bout independence day to the school kids...then maybe,they cud understand more...what do u guys think of this??hmmmmmm...just wondering....
DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT MERDEKA MEANS?WHAT DOES INDEPENDENCE DAY MEAN?WHAT DOES THE 31ST AUGUST 1957 MEAN TO YOU GUYS?
seriously man...almost all teenagers these days,people of malaysia these days,actually dont know what independence mean...they will all giv the sameeeeee answer to it 'its d day when malaysia is free from colonization n bla bla bla'.....but...come on...dont u guys think,the education of history of malaysia in malaysia is not good enough for those kids these days?the world is becoming to modern,and the people,of course,want to be modern too...but...no history is installed in them...
well,what i think is that maybe,they shud teach more bout independence day to the school kids...then maybe,they cud understand more...what do u guys think of this??hmmmmmm...just wondering....
flushed away...
-CREEP by radiohead-
"i wish i was special,
so fucking special,
but im a creep,
im a weirdo,what the hell am i doing here?
i dont belong here..."
that song is the perfect song to describe me..i dont have the perfect body,i wish i had..i dont have a perfect soul,i wish i had..and all my life,i was told to do things,well,maybe im the youngest,but,i have feelings too,but my family dont seem to see all that..its always me..'nathra do this,nathra do that'..always me gets the 'doings'..maybe thats one reason y i dont seem to see the point of me being here in this world.i just wanna be all by myself,living my own life,where i cud just do my own thing,in my own perfect little world of mine.
how many of u in this world who has life like mine?a life that is planned by not u,but ur parents.a life where u are told to do things,by ur family,not by ur own head.what can we do about this?
if i should go talk to them,tell them how i feel,they are just gonna say that im thinking to much..as it is,mum already did call me 'a spoilt brat', and that im troublesome to her, and indirectly calling me 'stupid'...it hurts..badly..it effects me!!why do my family,the one i loved the most have to do this to me?i feel unwanted,feel like,im not part of them..that's why,my love for them,are FLUSHED AWAY!!!
"i wish i was special,
so fucking special,
but im a creep,
im a weirdo,what the hell am i doing here?
i dont belong here..."
that song is the perfect song to describe me..i dont have the perfect body,i wish i had..i dont have a perfect soul,i wish i had..and all my life,i was told to do things,well,maybe im the youngest,but,i have feelings too,but my family dont seem to see all that..its always me..'nathra do this,nathra do that'..always me gets the 'doings'..maybe thats one reason y i dont seem to see the point of me being here in this world.i just wanna be all by myself,living my own life,where i cud just do my own thing,in my own perfect little world of mine.
how many of u in this world who has life like mine?a life that is planned by not u,but ur parents.a life where u are told to do things,by ur family,not by ur own head.what can we do about this?
if i should go talk to them,tell them how i feel,they are just gonna say that im thinking to much..as it is,mum already did call me 'a spoilt brat', and that im troublesome to her, and indirectly calling me 'stupid'...it hurts..badly..it effects me!!why do my family,the one i loved the most have to do this to me?i feel unwanted,feel like,im not part of them..that's why,my love for them,are FLUSHED AWAY!!!
for my late fantasy baby,RIP!!
dear dearest fantasy,
since u left me,on 30th may 2008,i miss u very much.i miss u jumping on my lap and sleep for a long time,i miss u standing by the kitchen window waiting for left overs,i miss u tagging along with me when i walk front&back outside the house,i miss your 'meow's..i miss u sitting & hiding under my blanket..tasy,i miss u so much..u left me,but i made u promise me that u'll never leave me,remember? will i ever see u again?having to face the fact that i was gonna wake up everyday knowing u're not around anymore and everything's just different without u was painful.i called u just now,while i was on the swing,i wonder if u cud still hear me?cuz i really still feel ur presence.i miss u tasy...i miss u very much..i love u and not in a single second that i will stop missing and loving u...
lotsa loads of love,
nathra najmie devarajah
since u left me,on 30th may 2008,i miss u very much.i miss u jumping on my lap and sleep for a long time,i miss u standing by the kitchen window waiting for left overs,i miss u tagging along with me when i walk front&back outside the house,i miss your 'meow's..i miss u sitting & hiding under my blanket..tasy,i miss u so much..u left me,but i made u promise me that u'll never leave me,remember? will i ever see u again?having to face the fact that i was gonna wake up everyday knowing u're not around anymore and everything's just different without u was painful.i called u just now,while i was on the swing,i wonder if u cud still hear me?cuz i really still feel ur presence.i miss u tasy...i miss u very much..i love u and not in a single second that i will stop missing and loving u...
lotsa loads of love,
nathra najmie devarajah
Sunday, August 24, 2008
me and zul...
im back again with zul..gosh...we broke up bout 2 months ago..very complicating...in july 2006 we started dating..then broke up in feb/mac 2007..then i was single for a year plus because i love zul so much n cant seem to wanting to replace him with another guy..hmmm...then in april 2008 we coupled back..then in june 2008 we broke up...then now..august 2008..2days ago,we coupled back..i cant get him outta my mind..i just,want him..he's different than any other guy in this world that i've known...soon,i will post up a story bout all the 20++ men i've dated..hahaha....thanks for reading..till then....
*btw,im so influenced by 'gossip girl',the tv drama...where it always end with.....
XOXO
*btw,im so influenced by 'gossip girl',the tv drama...where it always end with.....
XOXO
LOVE 2
if u had one person that u loved very much, that u somehow, had to let go off, would u do that? i actually did let this one person that i very much loved. twice,i had to let him go twice, i did let him go because i've learnt that "if u love a person, you've got to learn to let the person go"..ok, that is about love, a different type of love.but what if, u love something, so much, that u wud die for it,but,God love it more than u do,will u let it go?i couldnt.i still havent.i cant.im afraid that i might forget it.im scared and i just couldnt let it go.what if,one day,i try to remember it,but i cant?that's y i cant let it go.and also i love him, too much,he's my baby,and he's still is,and i cant let it go,eventhough he's gone now,for quite sometime.but yet,i still feel him,his presence..i know he is still around.
now,back to reality..that's two difference i found out about love,apart from the 'complicating' things..love..it's a disease..a disease that weakens a body, killing the weak,softly and slowly inside,eating up bits and pieces of the weak's heart.then,the next thing you know................
*now,'weak' here means, a weak person,whom has been over powered by the disease.
now,back to reality..that's two difference i found out about love,apart from the 'complicating' things..love..it's a disease..a disease that weakens a body, killing the weak,softly and slowly inside,eating up bits and pieces of the weak's heart.then,the next thing you know................
*now,'weak' here means, a weak person,whom has been over powered by the disease.
The Devil That Killed Me Softly..
as i stand still,
looking at the things around me,
everything's moving fast,
i tried to move,
but my feets are locked,
i tried to scream,
but i can't hear my voice,
then i realized,my lips are shut,
i struggle to move,
but i can't,
i tried,over and over again,
then,everything turned black,
i can't see,
everything is dark,
i'm straining my eyes,
but i still can't see,
then,my heart stopped,
that morning,i wake up,
knowing that i died night before,
but if i died,
who is that person living in my body,
is it,the devils?
looking at the things around me,
everything's moving fast,
i tried to move,
but my feets are locked,
i tried to scream,
but i can't hear my voice,
then i realized,my lips are shut,
i struggle to move,
but i can't,
i tried,over and over again,
then,everything turned black,
i can't see,
everything is dark,
i'm straining my eyes,
but i still can't see,
then,my heart stopped,
that morning,i wake up,
knowing that i died night before,
but if i died,
who is that person living in my body,
is it,the devils?
something,nothing...
words,
they are only words,
meaning,
it comes straight from the heart,
understand,
that's what the brain will do,
love,
its a kind of feeling that the heart feels,
thoughts,
that's when the brain thinks,
tired,
it's when the body runs out of battery,
politics,
it is a very stupid matter,
time,
is when the clock goes 'tick-tock',
humans,
they are born with different characters,
life,
everyone wants it to be 'purr'-fect,
food,
too much of it makes a person fat,
death,
is when someone's time is over,
goodbye,
is when i end this poem...
they are only words,
meaning,
it comes straight from the heart,
understand,
that's what the brain will do,
love,
its a kind of feeling that the heart feels,
thoughts,
that's when the brain thinks,
tired,
it's when the body runs out of battery,
politics,
it is a very stupid matter,
time,
is when the clock goes 'tick-tock',
humans,
they are born with different characters,
life,
everyone wants it to be 'purr'-fect,
food,
too much of it makes a person fat,
death,
is when someone's time is over,
goodbye,
is when i end this poem...
Friday, August 15, 2008
What if,one day,u found out that you are adopted?
see,im different from my family...im crazy..i love arts...i LOVE animals...im weird...i LOVE meeting new people...but they are so different..i often think of this..what if i am adopted?how will i react to that?hmm...will i go crazy and mad at the people who brought me up?or will i be glad that they told me?and...am i going to go find my biological parents?or am i gonna be satisfied with the one i have?hmmm...what wud u do?and how many people are there in this world who was adopted and knew about it..and how many didnt know they were adopted?hmm...so weird...and how wud those people who brought them up,who didnt tell them that they were adopted,how wud they feel?guilty?relief?what?im sorry readers,i am a person who thinks alot...ALOT!!really...even when im doin my 'business',even when im asleep i think...i think so..hehe...but really,WHAT IF,ONE DAY,YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU ARE ADOPTED??
Do You Actually Know The People You Live With?
so,i've been thinking..who are those people i live with?those people whom i call mom and dad..those people whom i call sisters..are they really who they are?are they those people whom i know 22years ago?or were they actually being themselves or they are just pretending to be who they are?
maybe dad is being who he is....maybe he isnt..(definately!!)
maybe mum is being who she is...maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
maybe nadia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..
maybe natassia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
there you go...the answers to the question..they are not those people i grew up with..they are not the person i lived with for 22years..who r they?its like they are being possessed by some "evil and crazy demon".....i repeat,"EVIL AND CRAZY DEMON"....that's what they are acting now...my mom wud rather loose her own daughter than letting her marry who she wants to..my dad wud rather spend time with his 90++ years old mother than spending time with his own family..my sister,tassia wud rather marry some guy and dump her family who has been with her since the day she was born...
its so weird...and the worst part is,i am the only one realizing all this..hmmm...im the onli one who thinks my family is broken up...or maybe,going to....
so now...how bout u guys?do you actually know those people you call mum,dad,sister,brother,lover,husband,child...do you actually know them?take a minute to think...who are they?are they the people u knew long time ago?are they?DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH?
maybe dad is being who he is....maybe he isnt..(definately!!)
maybe mum is being who she is...maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
maybe nadia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..
maybe natassia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
there you go...the answers to the question..they are not those people i grew up with..they are not the person i lived with for 22years..who r they?its like they are being possessed by some "evil and crazy demon".....i repeat,"EVIL AND CRAZY DEMON"....that's what they are acting now...my mom wud rather loose her own daughter than letting her marry who she wants to..my dad wud rather spend time with his 90++ years old mother than spending time with his own family..my sister,tassia wud rather marry some guy and dump her family who has been with her since the day she was born...
its so weird...and the worst part is,i am the only one realizing all this..hmmm...im the onli one who thinks my family is broken up...or maybe,going to....
so now...how bout u guys?do you actually know those people you call mum,dad,sister,brother,lover,husband,child...do you actually know them?take a minute to think...who are they?are they the people u knew long time ago?are they?DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH?
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