why ya?

i have everything..i got a family,my babies,my best frens(pern n nix),my car,my new laptop,my ipod,my bf,basically,EVERYTHING...but....why am i still unhappy?why am i feeling like its not what im hoping for?why am i feeling like i want something else?hmmm...

Pern passed the letter to DL...

OMG OMG OMG....
PERN passed the letter to DLGUY...waaa...so scared...wat will d reply be ya?hopefully positive!!!arghhhhhhhhhhh................

i miss him...

can i get married?hmm...stupid question...but,ya,i wanna get married...its not because of sex...but,its because i wanna live with him,sleep with him,sit n watch tv with him,see him everyday,breath the same air with him,share the same bed,do everything with him...well,most of u might say 'cheh,not getting married oso can do maaa'...yes...so true..but...try having a parents who dont want/dont let u have a bf eventhough u r 22years old..and when u wanna go out with him,having ur chest being so pain,u have to lie to ur parents about ur whereabouts...hmmm...sad ya...so...yeah...OH MAMA SAYA MAHU KAWIN,OH MAMA SAYA MAHU KAWIN...LALALALA....
-bye-

lappie lappie toppie...

uh la la....so happie...my new toy...aaaa...yeay...tasha promised me my 'june' birthday present will be a laptop,just delayed,but yeay,now i got it...this is the best birthday present ever!!!thanks alot sista!!!!

DLGUY..moving out!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!!red alert!!!
i have been hanging out at my fren's house,pern,to chill with her...andddd....to spy on her neighbour whom i have gave a nickname-->DLGUY coz he,use to,drink Dutch Lady strawberry..so gay..but...still...i like him..but..i dont know..i just wanna make frens with him laa...
then one day,like a stupid retard,i asked his name,he said his name is idrus...
then merdeka day,he finally ACTUALLY talked to me..wow..he ask where i went and wat time i went home n he said he bertugas at dataran merdeka..then i ask bertugas what??he said he's a polis...owhhhh...so hot!!!MEN IN UNIFORM ARE SOOOO SUPER HOT!!!*nix will agree with me,TOTALLY!!*
neway,recently,pern called me..she said...he talked to her..he said he's transferring to sabah...bloody sabah..so far...we will be separated by the sea!!arghhhhhhh....worst nightmare!!so...now...my task!!to get his number no matter how!!see,its hard to see him,coz he's always not at home..the time he comes back,very not reliable...so..i told pern..i asked her actually..if she wud pass a letter to dlguy if i write a letter for him..she said yes..of course she also said its like "zaman percintaan dulu2 yg guna surat menyurat"-->sentence not exact as hers la..
neway...isnt this great...but the scary part is the waiting for the reply part..hmmm...but,hopefully the letter im gonna write wont be too berbunga2..hahaha...but i hope i will score it!!to get his phone number..haha....
*shhhhhh....dont tell my boyfriend,after he jealous....HAHAHAHAHA....

aiyoyoo...

"dead...let me be dead...shoot me..."
why must i be tortured with figure studies?i hate humans..and i have to learn to draw them?oh man...so messed up!!the worst part is,they tricked me..usually the name of the subject shud be figure studies..but now they changed it to visual fundamentals...that name sounds like it got nothing to do with figure la...ishh...darn that college arr...hmmm...klaa...nothing else to tell...

insecure??

im having this major feeling this pass few days..
ok..let me tell u y i have this major prob,its because of my bf,wen we go out,he looks at girls,other girls,like he wants them or sumthing(that's wat i feel laa)...
and this past few days,in my head,i have been having images of my bf looking at other girls...
im so tired of picturing it!!arghhh
i tried to not think that way...but it aint stopping...hmm...
so,im trying to figure out if it is ok to feel insecure of my bf..or its totally wrong??
well,i did ask a wise one(tasha,my sister)..she said he shouldnt be looking at other girls if he really love me...
but neway,i trust him,i know he's not capable of cheating towards me..i just kno la,dont ask me how i knoe!!
gosh...i know nix and pern will be mad at me...pls dont..im already goin nutz trying to get rid of this stupid images...
oh ya,forgot to mention...i did tell him all this..of how i feel...so far,the last i went dating with him,i didnt really notice him looking at other girls..hmm...did it work??hmmm...
oh..then yesterday i told him bout me having pictures of him looking at girls in my head,he said im thinking of nonsence..hmmm.....
BUT WHATEVER PUN,I STILL FUCKING FREAKING LOVE HIM!!!HAHAHHA...(now night time,not puasa time,can swear,hahaha)

i guess,that's how i had to....

sometimes,i wish mum cud be my bestfriend.
actually,i wish she was,a mum who was also a bestfriend.
like for instance,the gilmore girls,or like nix n her mum or like ruby n her mum..
it's so cool,their mums are so cool.
they talk bout lotsa stuff--men.
well,im not saying here that i wish her mum was mine,but im just wishing my mum cud be so open n cool with me.
but to them,most of the choices i made is wrong,maybe that's why i let my mum choose my education choice--college and the course.
i wish i cud tell mum that even at this age of 22,i still havent figured out with what i want in life,but i just wanna enjoy but do nothing.
and i wish i cud tell her i have a boyfriend who is a really great to me,he's nobody special in his life,but he understands me,treat me right,well,eventhough he has no education background and just being a chef,but he makes me happy,isnt that's what important?
i wish,mum cud read my blog,all the stuff i wrote,oh yeah,she will,definately will,but only the day i draw my very last breath,if i go b4 her,i will tell her to check out my blog.
but really,i dont wanna and im sick of having to lie to my own parents about the stuff i do,or about who im going out with if im going dating.
im sick of lying,but,really,at this very moment,i still have/had to keep on lying...i guess,that's how i had to.....

avril's concert...

I SHUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
I WUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
I CUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
--it was a be there or be dead thing..
but i wasnt there,fact that maybe if i had rich parents,i could have gone for it,or if i gotten to study straight after quitting limkokwing or if i didnt quit limkokwing,i wud have gotten a job by now and wud have had $$ to get the tickets..but too bad,just not my luck,i didnt get to go for it...
now,watching all those 'recaps' on tv,bout the concert,'DANG IT!!'..IT HURTS BADLY..its all coming back to me!i thought i got over it after shopping with mum on friday,d day d concert was held...
i really feel so sad,depressed,my head is burried below the earth now(wow,im becoming deep),wishing badly that it didnt passed yet or if only she was gonna come after 'Raya'(so that i go duit raya) or sumthing...oh gosh...Life is one hell of a pathetic poece of shit!!