Monday, August 31, 2009

bullshitting 101~#12

hmmm...
haihhh....
hishhh....
why?
why am i still hoping that my dumb bloody weird ungrateful idiotic ex boyfriend wud come back to me???
URGHHH!!!
-xoxo-

bullshitting 101~#11

somehow, 
im wishing hard that you cud be you, but a total different you..
im wishing you wud change..
im wishing you cud not be what you are now..
im wishing to see great big changes in you..
but then.......
i think again,
once, when i was being asked to change, i felt so wrong..
so, i shouldnt ask you to change..
cause if u wanna change, then you gotta change for yourself ..
its ok, its alright...
i guess,
i just have to forget my feelings for you...
i guess, i'll change....

-xoxo-

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

bullshitting 101~#10

hatiku kecewa,
aku semakin gila...

oh dang it, see right, im having this mega huge deal problem right now..for the 1st time in my life, im finding it so effing hard to forget a guy..why owh why?
it's killing me..it's killing me so fast that i don't even have time to pause to breathe..urghh..it's a disgusting feeling..i shouldnt have started it all..i shouldnt have fell in love with him..
so what if he's a sexy inspector,nathra? so what? he treated you like you don't exist..like you're some dirt just hanging around in his life and when he noticed it,he just dust u away...ARGHH!!!bullocks!!

i, need to find a way, to forget him, to have every single bad/sweet memories away from my mind, to forget the feeling of his sweat dropping onto my skin, to forget his smell, to forget where he lives, to forget every single thing he has ever said to me..DANG IT!!!
at the end, this is all making me go crazy..owh dear mind, please stay away from iedrus..please mind, please forget him...
-xoxo-

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

bullshitting 101~#9

my owh my, i really dont know where to start..hmmm...oh well,here it goes...
1st: it's the fasting month..i fast for 2days..now i cant,for about a week..but still,i was so proud..hehe..coz ive been skipping all the fasting month for few years..hehe..been a bad girl..haha..
2nd: 1st day of fasting, as usual,the day that i was so scared to go through, coz the same thing happens every single year of the 1st fasting day, my sister will fight with me right before eating...haihhh...well that's one fear i have..urghh!!
3rd: my client canceled with me...she said her husband already have a photographer booked...owh man,this suck,but its ok,its alright, im gonna have more clients someday...hehehe...plus,wedding photographer isnt really my thingy anyway..
4th: now, if u guys wanna see my photography album,or any of my artwork,add me up in facebook..look up for Nathra Nd ..ok?hehehe...
5th: bloody hell i miss nix(my craziest fren ever) like crazy...feels damn weird having to live without a day seeing her..urghhh!!!hahaha...
6th: been having a biggggg prob with my anger problem..hehe...but my 'me and men' problem is doing soo goodd!!!im finally taking cautious movement....hehehe...
7th: been missing ied alottttt....been praying hard so that God helps me to forget him...urghhhh!!!
8th: cant think of what to write here..hurmppp....maybe i shud stop, for now..
so,yeah...that's a lil bit and a lil bit of that laa..hehehe...will update soon..love ya all!!
-xoxo-

Monday, August 17, 2009

bullshitting 101~#8

i have recently decided..
im done being hurt..
im done with men and their idiotic attitude..

im putting a full stop to it all,
no more men,
no more!!!

MEN SUCK BIGTIME!!

they are all fucking idiotic lying piece of shit...

hello men,
women has feelings ok!!

so,
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

-xoxo-

bullshitting 101~#7

well,
just like u,
i am also who i am.

and,
what i've learned before,
don't change yourself for someone else.

and,
if you can't accept a person the way they are,
then back out while you can.

so,
yeah,
i can't accept the way you are,
and you can't accept the way i am,
so, let's back out now,
coz before, we did'nt take that chance to back out..
and look how far we have came now...

bad, bad, bad...

i am bad influence for you,
and you are bad influence for me,
so, here we are,
it's over.

IT'S FUCKING OVER!!!

im gonna play cold now...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

bullshitting 101~#6

mistakes,
one can never run from it,
and i, have done so many mistakes,
mistakes that have left me feeling dirty and cheap at the end of the day,
but yet,
i can never run from that mistake...

help,
one always need it,
and i, needed help so badly,
help that could actually make me feel better than what i am feeling,
but yet,
no help has reached out to me so far...

self realization,
one must always have it,
and i, have my self realization all these while,
self realization about the way i am,
but yet,
some people doesnt have self realization...

stupid,
one can always be stupid no matter how smart they are,
and i, have been stupid alot in life,
doing stupid things has always been in my blood,
but yet,
some of my stupidity actually makes people happy...

love,
one can be in and out of love,
and i, has been hurt alot because of love,
i dont think love is a beautiful thing,
but yet,
i gain alot of experience from my love life...

amazing,
once you realize and come to your senses,
you will finally open your eyes and see,
you will see and learn things you never expect before,
and i, have learned that you and me are two different people,
and i, have learned that the world is not actually round as they say it is,
and i, have learned so much, that somehow, it makes me better than you...

-xoxo-

Friday, August 07, 2009

bullshitting 101~#5

in life, before you start talking and pointing at other person's mistake,
take a minute and look in the mirror first,
look at yourself first,
what makes you better than that person you are talking about?

maybe, you are just a spoilt stupid brat,
maybe, you are really better,
maybe, you are too stupid to see,
maybe, you are just a pretender,
or maybe, you just can't and won't accept the fact, that you have mistake just as much as that person have.

readers, always remember,
if the person, obviously bravely come up and talk, and knowing his/her mistakes(serba kekurangan), but you, just being so stupid thinking about your own feelings and not accepting the fact that you have mistake as much as that person has, don't you ever try talking to that person, because, at the end, it will make you look stupid to the world.

p/s: readers, if you feel like this post was meant for you, sorry. like in malay say 'siapa makan cili,terasa pedasnya'. but then again, hey, it's my blog, and it's a free country!!and this blog was written at a peaceful state of mind, and a neutral feeling. thank you.

love,
-xoxo-

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

life..

every morning, as i open my eyes, i question my self, will today be better than yesterday?
every night, as i shut my eyes, i question my self, will tomorrow be better than today?

as life goes on, i realize that i've been seeing things that i choose to see.

readers, there's actually more to life than what we see today, open your heart, open your eyes, and see, that there is something more beautiful to life than crying and whining over something stupid. everything that happens in life, happens for a reason. Life is a piece of white cloth, we are the ones who colour it to a beautiful piece of wonderful and pretty colours. So start grabbing ur brushes, paint it beautiful. Be wild and free(in a good way). Don't just get stuck to something that u choose to only see. Explore..

REMEMBER, EXPLORE!!We are the ones who control it all, it's all in our hands(and God's of course..)

yes yes yes-no...

YES, i fucking miss him alot,
i fucking miss him so much!!!
and YES, deep down inside of me,
i am praying hard that he will come back to me,
YES, im wishing he will come back to me,
NO, i still havent forgotten of him...

every second of every minute of everyday, im wishing u would come back to me...

bits and pieces that's happening in my life..

well, me and iedrus, we broke up..
actually, he dumped me..
and maybe, because of the stalking..
but hey, nevermind, i learn through mistakes..
it is all done, i got dumped HARD, but its ok..
im fine..yes i miss him,the old him,not the new him...
but, everything happens for a reason...
well well, i have his tshirt,i wonder if i shud give it back,or just forget about it...hmmm...
so, im single now..this time, i think i just have no feelings..
maybe because of all the dumps i get in life..haha..it somehow gives me strength..

neway,
there's another thing that im ok with...
im used to it..
and if it get back like before, i might have troubles with it..
i even feel awkward thinking of hanging out with her..
i guess, this is it..the space she wanted..it was too long..
too long till i just have no interest anymore..
yes, i feel sad..so sad because i miss her and what we had..but also sad because she chose to bring old bad memories back over the relationship we had..i was angry too,i was pissed too,i was hurt too,but,i know whats the meaning of forgive and forget..
then i tried..i did try..and now,when i dont care anymore,she still havent even tried...so,i know from there...maybe i misjudge it,but,its ok,we are better of this way..

hmm..well,now,happy things??
wellll,i coloured my hairrrrrr.......hehehehe...
andddd,im going for a concert this saturday, with my fren, as the media, im gonna be the photographer...how awesome is that?!?well,there is one reason for that,its because im trying to get a job as a part time photographer in her company..hehe..=)
anddddd...a fren of mine, wants me to take her wedding pictures in december...she wants to hire me as her photographer...ZOMG...i told N yesterday that if N gets her camera a.s.a.p,then we cud be partners in crime see...hehehe..meaning,we can start our own photography company laaa...weeeeeee...*jump up and down*

oh,sometimes,
i sit and just stop and think back,
i miss all those amazing things that happen back then,
with my parents and sisters,with my ex bestfren nurul, with my ex school mates, with my kindergarden friends, with my fren pern, everyone i knew before...
and im glad i have N,who just so far,clicks with my brains...
its like, we are twins or something..geeee...oh well,she's amazing...

you know you love me, xoxo...