bullshitting 101~#38 - Lyrics for Mr.M...

My number 1 song for him is, Smile, by Uncle Kracker...Coz no matter what, Mr. M always, ALWAYS made me smile...

~SMILE~

You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that's right)
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Let's me know that it's okay (yea, it's okay)
And the moments when my good times start to fade....
You make me smile like a sun, Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird, Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile....
Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like a flower pokin through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain
And just like that...
Don't know how I lived without you
'Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile...
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh you make me smille
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh you make me smille....

 :)

Brian McKnight songs are really good for a person who's still in love eventhough he/she was dumped/broke up..Here are my selected song lyrics for him...All from Brian McKnight...

~Still In Love~

I think I must be dreaming
That you are here with me
Must have died and gone to heaven
And it's all that I hoped it would be..
When the eagles forget how to fly
When it's twenty below in July
And when violets turn red
And roses turn blue
I'll be still in love with you..
I live to be around you
You take my breath away
Can't help but talk about you
Every night and day...
When eagles forget how to fly
And it's twenty below in July
And when violets turn red
And roses turn blue
I'll be still in love with you...
All I need is you
Need you just to hold me, console me
Over and over.......I love you...
When the eagles forget how to fly
And it's twenty below in July
And when violets turn red
And roses turn blue
I'll be still in love with you
Still in love with you...

~Kiss Your Love Goodbye~

Tell, tell me it isn't so
You say you have your reasons for leaving
You have to go
I watch you turn and walk away
And I'm searching to find
The right words to say
Hoping and praying you'll stay...
So I'll kiss your love goodbye
I guess it wasn't meant to be
I gave my all, you've tried
And now I see
The love caught my eye
I went blind
And now it makes me cry
The only thing I can do
Is kiss your love goodbye...
Why, why should I look deep inside
To find where I went wrong, girl
'Cause after all, you'll still be gone
Oh how I've tried
Though I gave my best to you
You were determined to leave
And there's nothing I can do
Guess that none of my dreams won't come true...
I won't ask you why
(I won't ask you why)
Give me back my pride
'Cause time will mend
The heart that you've broken, baby
I'll let you go
Though I love you so
I'll find a way to kiss your love goodbye...
I guess it wasn't meant to be
I gave my all, you've tried
And now I see
The love caught my eye
I went blind
]Now it makes me cry
The only thing I can do
Is kiss your love
Is kiss your love
Is kiss your love goodbye
Goodbye...

~Till I Get Over You~

I remember the way you used to
Touch me all time
I told you how I was
The luckiest man alive
And now I hear you showin' off
Your new boy, frontin'
Like everything's all right
I'll be damned if I let you know
That I still
Find it hard to sleep at night...
[1] - Outside I'm smiling
Inside I'm crying
I just keep denying
Till I get over you...
Endless times I stayed up
All night, waiting for you to call
Lying to myself
'Cause, you aren't thinking 'bout me at all
My eyes are holding back the tears
My pride won't let you see me act a fool
Cuz I'll be damned if I let you know
That I still feel something for you...
Can't forget the way we touched
(Every day, every night, baby)
And the way we used to make love
(I still remember how it feels)
Baby, but now it's over and you're gone
(I've got to say goodbye)
Because I know, I can't go on without you...

~Show Me The Way Back To Your Heart~
I remember days and nights were never cold
Had you in my life, I had you there to hold
And I remember love warm as a summer day
But I lost you
And I lost my way
Now I'm in the rain
Begging you please, please
Baby, won't you show me the way back to your heart
Let me see a sign to know if I'm close or far
Lead me back to the road
That leads back to your arms
Every night another lonely street
I walk down alone
Searching for a light
Your light to lead me home
Leave a candle in the window
And let it shine for me
Take my hand and take these tears away
I can't take the pain
I'm on my knees begging you please...
Take my hand
Take me in your arms
I'm out in the dark
Down on my knees, begging you please 

~Can You Read My Mind~

When I'm all alone at night
I can hear the beating of your heart
I should tell you and I might
Before you tear me apart
You're all I ever think about
All I ever dream about
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
Oh when I look at you
I probably should go
Cause I wanna be with you
More than you'll ever know
Hmm for a taste of you
I could calm my desire
Baby you blow my mind
You light my fire, oh
I want you (yeah)
Need you (yeah)
Can't live without you
When I'm all alone at night
I can hear the beating of your heart
I should tell you and I might
Before you tear me apart
You're all I ever think about
All I ever dream about
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
Is it the way I feel?
The curiosity or the things you do
That brings out the lust in me
The thought of me and you, drives me wild
Come close to me
Can you stay awhile?
Hold you, need you
Can't live without you
When I'm all alone at night
I can hear the beating of your heart
I should tell you and I might
Before you tear me apart
You're all I ever think about
All I ever dream about
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
When I'm all alone at night
I can hear the beating of your heart
I should tell you and I might
Before you tear me apart
You're all I ever think about
All I ever dream about
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
Yeah
Hold you, need you
Can't live without you
When I'm all alone at night
I can hear the beating of your heart
I should tell you and I might
Before you tear me apart
You're all I ever think about
All I ever dream about
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

~ONE LAST CRY~

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry...
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry...
Cry.....
I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry...
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Stop living a lie...
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on
And on ....
And on ....
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie...
I guess I'm down,
I guess I'm down,
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

Yeah..Im gonna back off now, stop haunting him and his life, stop sad pathetic messages begging him to come back..Im so tired...But if he could see, that Im just a girl, standing in front of him, asking him to be mine, even just for a while...and if he could see, that every second with him is a precious moment for me...But what can I say, I tried, I fought for this love, but now, I gave up...Im too tired...If it's writen that he'd be with me for a while more, then no matter what, he'd still be with me for a while more,But if it's writen that he will be gone, then he will be gone...So, I'll put it in God's hands...After all, he will always be in my heart..Everything happens for a reason, so, this break up, there must be a reason to it..But, no matter what happens in life, as long as we breathe, we must keep getting up, and move ahead for the future..:)

u know u love me,

x.o.x.o.

bullshitting 101~#37 - real bullshyt!!

I thought to myself,

Here I am,

Feeling so sad,

Unable to even have the feel of wanting to look at a man,

Unable to even think of the word fun,

And there he is,

Having fun..

Going ahead with his life...

Shit...

Then I tell myself, 

WTF?!?!

bullshitting 101~#35 - The YM note to my dearest love...

26.March.2010

i couldnt resist myself from not telling him what my heart feels.i didnt want to text or call him,so,through YM,i sent him this long message.it came from my heart.

yes,i still wish he'd come back to me for a while more. each time my phone rang, be it msg or phonecall,my heart beats faster than a F1 car.every morning when i wake up, i question myself if it was a dream or not.but, i realize, it was a reality. he will never come back to me. and i have to let him go. i am strong. i know i can do it.so nathra, let him go, kiss him goodbye.

hello,hi,i need to tell u d truth.the truth is,1st,im sorry,i was so angry bcoz u dumped me now,not b4 u leave to yemen.there is a big difference u dump me now n u dump me later.plus,i just wanted to feel love for a while more.but,its ok.im recovering now.but yes,i do miss u so much.n still love u so much.i kno u wont talk to me ever again.mayb that's d best.for me to forget u.but u kno what,i think u're a coward for not being able to go thru that pain,coz i took d challenge,but u didnt.and i think u dont love me anymore.and maybe,i wasnt even sure of wanting to marry u.but,i was sure that i did love u.but nvm,im sure God has plans for all of us.and im sure,i will get to go thru this,eventhough it hurts so much u leaving me just like that now.

 but,i want to assure u,coz i like to be assured,assure u that i would have totally be fine if u left me later,now,im hurt,yes,bcoz i didnt expect this at all.but i shud have seen it coming.all the signs,of u,wanting to break up with me.u wanted to break up a long time ago,am i right.haha.but whatever it is,i tried not to miss u,i tried not to love u,i tried not to think of u,i tried to be angry at u,but i just cant.n evryday,i pray,that u will change ur mind n come back to me for a while more,but i know,that is just my imagination,it wont happen.but,want u to kno,i miss ur smell,ur smile,the sex,ur love,ur skin,ur sweat,ur hands,ur hair,ur style,ur heart,ur voice,basically,i miss the whole u.take gud care of urself.remember,love ur wife no matter what,n never toy with her heart.

and thank u,for being the best boyfriend ever,thank u for giving me love when i needed it so badly,eventhough u taken it away frm me now(hehe),but the most is,thank u,for being u,for being happy.im glad at one point,i did make u happy n u made me happy.thank u.goodbye mohamed,goodbye baby.u'll always be in my heart.

u kno u love me,

x.o.x.o.

bullshitting 101~#34 - Live diary

18.January.2010.

~ A man, came into my life, gave me happiness, gave me love, changed my life, made me a whole new person, made me believe in love, made me change my perspective over sex, basically, he changed my life and made me smile again.

20.March.2010.

~ That man, whom was suppose to be with me a while more, before he get back to reality of marrying someone else(arranged marriage), DUMPED ME. He said, he could not lie to himself, lie to me. Eventhough I made my choice, knowing that he cant marry me, I told him, its occay, as I accepted that fact, I accepted the fact that, I only have appoximately 3more months to be with him, happily in love, but...he took it away. Cruel, evil, wishing badly to hate him, yet, I couldnt. But then, I tried and tried, I guess its no use. Maybe he didnt know, he was,to me, the strength, courage and bravery to face the world. And yes, I was already so madly deeply in love with him. And from what he said, he loves me very much too. But, why say 'before we fall more deeply and hurt ourselves more'? Hmmm...Nevermind, let that be it...Ive said it once,to a guy,Im gonna say it again,here, 'I love him, and I will always love him, till I draw my last breath.' But, i have once learnt, that, 'if you love someone, you gotta learn to let the person go.' So, I will...

20.March.2010.

~ After all that commotions, crying, blablabla, I went home. And if you readers read my post before this, you will know, I was already feeling way lower than depressed, and the break up was a real wrong timing thingy. So, I was at home, mom and dad noticed something different, coz I went to bed early, sitting in the dark, tears flowing automatically, brains was thinking more than usual, dizziness due to the bottle of beer. I made my decision. Ive decided to talk to dad. Well, why not mom? Occay, the reason is because, talking to a women, is not as easy as talking to a men. K? : ) Well, before that, let me remind you, I may not have written this in my blog, but i wrote it on facebook. Ive finally found my dream job, to be a photographer with National Geography and to also have my very own 'Kid's Arts & Craft Centre'...It may not be a big dream to you readers, but to me, its way bigger than big. Its my passion. Working anywhere near animals. Teaching kids(people said i have the patience to teach kids, i gave tuitions bfore :D ) So, now, Im waiting till Tuesday comes, Im gonna talk to my daddy, it's my only chance. I cant take the pain of lying to myself, what more, lying to them. I SHOULD HAVE done this a long time ago, but only now, after the break up, I decided to take actions for myself. I shouldnt rely on anyone anymore, what more, cling on to the word 'LOVE'...Since daddy is good at business, mommy is good with registrations and stuff(she had her own kindergarden) and Im good at teaching and also at arts and crafts, Im sure, if we three joined our talents together, we can be on top. YES. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF!!! But honestly, I cant study anymore, Im done with it.

22.March.2010.

~ Moha, a really nice friend of mine, is gonna leave on this date, meaning, today. He helped me alot when I had ups and downs with that man I loved and have lost. Moha, is simply a great friend. I hope to meet him again, someday, somewhere, in future. I love him very much (as friends). I wish him all full luck for his future. And that I will always be there for him, through ups and downs, through happiness and sadness, I will always be there for him, and I will forever be his friend, good friend, best friend, a shoulder to cry on.

23.March.2010.

~ This date, marks it all. Im gonna talk to my dad. Like adults. Wish me luck guys!!

* As we go on, we remember, all the times we've, spent together..I just wanted to spend every last minute I had before the time comes with him...But its ok Nathra, you love him, you gotta let....him......GO. *

u know u love me,

x.o.x.o.

bullshitting 101~#33 - The happenings...

I never thought it would be this hard...

Why is it always unfair?

Why?

1) I love him so much..I would do anything for him(SERIOUSLY,ANYTHING!!but not stupid things la..haha)..Time is running out...but why cant we be like we use to be?happy...or is it true that once men make a girl fall deeply in love,then they are not scared of loosing her?hmmm...i was scared of loosing him..but now..he made me feel like im the worst girlfriend ever..and he just proved that i can never be in a nice relationship..honestly readers,im a girl,i started dating at the age of 16,now im 24,but i already have almost 30 ex bfs..WTF rite??hmmm...

2) Parents..why cant they have planning for their kid's future before having the kids?hmmm...or at least,make the right decisions whether or not to have kids more than they can afford?hmm...not informing the kid 'malaysia,or any other country,where r we gonna find the money to send u to study?' FUCK MONEY LA!!!because of money,my dreams are broken..my life has officially ended..coz i dont have the mood,courage and effort to study or to go US anymore!!!

3) Im feeling like shit..super depressed...way lower than the word depressed...shootsss...i swear,if my house has a gun, the bullet is sooo gonna go through my head...then i'll be free from the world..only gonna have to worry bout whats gonna happen in hell..hahaha...yeah,im definately gonna go to hell..huhu...

yeah...that's few happenings that's going on in my life, on my effing head, all at the effing same time!!!haihhh...the rest is bout my sister, self issues and education...hmm..

got to go now...thanks for reading!! : )

u kno u love me,

x.o.x.o.

bullshitting 101~#32- Understanding love

L-O-V-E

What do we understand from this four letter word? Does it only mean l-o-v-e, or does it actually has a meaning?Well, from my understanding, there are two kind of love, love that actually mean very deep or love just for the sake of saying...

LOVE:

 1) Love and a relationship, cannot be started based on lies.

 2) Love is a big thing, it is when 2 people, has deep feelings for each other.

 3) Love won't work if you cheat.

 4) Love can be pretty painful, for example, when you love a person so much,truly n madly,but the person hurt you by lying or cheating,even if it is just a small white lie.

 5) Love in a relationship, need to have trust, without trust, there's no point in being in love with each other.

 6) Love can be pretty confusing, for example, sometimes, we confuse our self with love,like and fling.

 7) Love can be very very deep indeed.

 8) Love is pure and true.

 9) Love is when you and your partner, share everything together, no shyness, no secrets.

10) Love sometimes is just a game, it's up to you to play and tackle it right.

11) There's two kind of love in this world - 'puppy love' n 'matured love'.

12) Love doesn't only mean 'SEX'.

13) Love doesn't only mean love for partner, it can also be for anything, from living things to objects.

14) Love is somehow a special feeling, tickling your heart, making it so excited and nervous at the same time.

15) Love can also be addictive, for example, a person can be dependent on it.(dangerous)

16) Love is not a thing to play around with.

17) Love can also be love for God.

18) Love can cure hearts, it can change a person from being sad or depressed to being happy.

19) Love can be blind, it can be anyone you will fall in love with.

20) Love is sometimes, lame, dumb and stupid.

So, now, what is your understanding of love? Hmmm... Don't you think love is one hell of an amazing thing, but damn complicated at the same time?

Hahaha...

you know you love me,

-x.o.x.o.-