Crapping 101 #65 - 2 October 2014 Updates.... :P

Well hello kenello readers.

It's been almost a year now yea, since I last updated my blog. Oh well, the only time I use the computer is at office. HaHa. Phone is for facebook. So, havent been in blogspot for too long, though I miss blabbering here. HeeHeeHee.

Occay, let's hear out my updates.

1) Not wearing headscarf anymore, dont pray anymore, been wearing short skirts! like wtf. lol
2) Have a boyfie, long hair, haha, been dating him since May 2014, still new in the relationship. He's amazingly nice, cheeky, and like to purposely provoke my anger and laugh about it. LOL.
3) Depression hasnt been ok though.
4) Recently having thoughts about not being so sexy and showing legs off.

Can I continue this another day. Currently my mind is occupied with something so disturbing that I just can't think anymore.

u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #64 - Please, you're killing me softly...

Darn all these nonsense.

It just doesnt makes sense. Currently, I'm loosing my mind with the decisions made by the government.

I think, if I were to loose my mind for real and commit suicide, I'd do it in front of his office, and post a letter to him stating that, 'I did it because you made me do it.'

Haih... Crazy oh crazy, I think you are crazy.


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #63 - It's over

Hello dear readers,

Apparently, love is full of bullocks.

Yes, after being silent for 2 weeks, and him not saying a single thing or even asking if I was alright, I confronted him.

So, bla bla bla, cut the story short, we broke up.

Sad? Nah... It's time to explore the deep sea bebeh!! LOL

u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #62 - What a weird story...

Sometimes I wonder, is it hard to tell the world that you're taken? Rather than leading them into thinking that you're single and totally date-able? And I don't get it... How is it possible that you can love a person, but treat them like they don't mean anything to you...

How weird...

Once there was a question... "If I change, will you still love and accept me?' The answer was 'yes, till my last breath.'

Then bit by bit, the questioner changed, changed and changed till the answerer hardly know the questioner, but yet, holding on to what God has given to the answerer, the answerer still loved the questioner. Yet, deep in the answerer's heart, answerer just wanted to be appreciated, to be loved, to be acknowledge, and that the questioner would feel proud to be seen walking in public with the answerer... But the questioner never made any sign or statement that the questioner would marry the answerer one day...

Yet, the answerer could only pray to God and wait... As times tick away, each day seems rather painful as the questioner never had thoughts of introducing answerer to questioner's parents. That meant a huge thing - it means questioner is not interested in her.

But odd, that questioner still have love for answerer in his eyes when they met. But most of the time, cold, cold was all answerer felt from questioner. Yet, once upon a time ago, the questioner was the warmth of answerer's heart, questioner was the knight in all answerer's fairytale.

Now, there might be some trouble, as the answerer's mother has been talking about the questioner alot. The mother likes the questioner alot, yet the questioner might not know of, that the mother has been secretly praying that the answerer would end up being married to the questioner.

Haih... Pitiful story... but weird at the same time...LOL

Aren't I a pretty awesome story teller? Jeng Jeng Jeng...

u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #61 - What the man I love has done to me

Yes. Love.

I remember back then when I use to hate love, cursed it, never wanted to love ever again. But that all changed when one day, God answered my prayer.

Yeah, so I found love then. Been loving him for 360 days now, 5 days more to being 1 year together. My goal is to be with him till death do us apart. Why? Because he can guide me to the road of Allah. Yes. I never had thoughts I would be what I am today.

I am with hijab, trying to pray 5 times a day, installed an apps of how to read jawi, been thinking of going for reciting the Quran classes, have feelings of going to pray at the mosque, and I went for terawih the other day.

Most of my friends who knew in and out about me, couldn't believe their eyes seeing me with hijab. What more those who knows me but not close, and those who just know my face. And I have received support from some of them, compliments, and so on. I told Miss U (my bestie) that if everyone actually kept saying what they say, it might actually come true. LOL. Yes, I'm pretty sure you are wondering what they said - pretty. HaHaHa.

Anyways, I am blessed, that Allah has sent this man, to me, to guide me. I hope too that Allah has planned my whole life with him ahead of us. And most of all, I am blessed that Allah has never given up on me.

I hope He will forgive my sins and hating him before :(

u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Quote101 #1

"Sometime I wish I could know what he is thinking about so I could do better..."

crapping 101 #60 - It's 27th June again...Weee~

Hey ho, Let's Go...

WOAHHH!!! Quick updates alright?

1) Added 2 cats to my family, now I have 13 altogether.

2) Trying to be a better Muslim, going to wear headscarf soon, In shaa Allah.

3) July 16th, will be in a year relationship with my boyfie. Oh how time flies...

4) It's 27th June today, 27 years of me breathing, owh all those sane and insane things i've done in life. lol. but what have I achieved throughout these 27 years? Hmm...

5) My Freelance design business is very slow, for now.

6) I only have 3 most appreciated besties now, who are always there for me through rain and shine.

7) 2 days ago, is the 1 year anniversary of Muffin's death :( and tomorrow, 3 years of Rasta's disappearance.

8) Learning to love myself, put myself first before anything else.

9) Someone commented 'RIP Nathra' in my previous post, and I'm like, WTF? Just because I went on silence, it does not give you the chance to be a 'rude child'. Hmm.

10) Can't think of number 10, so, next post...

u kno u love me,
-xoxo-

crapping 101 #59 - Updates on the past updates...

1st thing 1st...

Dear readers that I love, I would like to apologize for the silence. Thank you for constantly being patient in waiting for updates :) I love all of you.. HeHeHe

Well, someone asked me if I have a new job or a new guy. Actually, I have updated that before the recent post. It's been 8 months working in this hospital now. And, it's been 8 months too that I dated my boyfriend. But I could update on that... :P

So, my work. Work is work right? haha. Every company has its politics issues, same goes as mine. Colleagues issues too. It's so hard to put on a smiley face at certain people that I can't really jive in with. It's bloody annoying. And hell, I can't work with this new retainer writer my boss hired. URGH~

Other than work, I'm a fixed freelance designer for a restaurant that I always go for lunch at. In the mids of being their photographer as well :) The other freelance job I got, was a complete failure. Well, nevermind, I shall take it as that job was not meant to be mine. :) Positive thinking. HeHe.

Occay, hot topic now. Boyfriend. He has been really nice, in terms of - he's understanding, he has so much patience facing all my moodswings. YES, MY MOODSWINGS HAS GONE FROM LEVEL 5 TO LEVEL 9 now...OHMIGOSH! Anyways, my boyfriend has changed me a little. I've started praying these days. That's good. Been feeling closer to God now :) But....It's hard to go dating with him. Don't ask why. LOL.

Hmm. What else. Oh, CATS. I now have 3 of my existing cat, and 8 rescued cats and 5 kittens(one of the rescued cat gave birth recently, yeap, she made out with the other rescued cat, HAHA).

So, yeah. That's about it, I think. Nothing much been happening. Same old same old. :P

Anyways.

u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

crapping 101 #58 - Addiction to Rescuing.

My addiction - RESCUING.

Yes, my parents get annoyed, but all they can do is yell and scream, but nothing more.

And when I say Rescue, it's not just picking up a cat from the food stalls, eventhough I have done that before. But, what I actually do, is, to actually endanger myself, just to give these innocent little creatures a place to call HOME, someone to love them. Yes, they don't go for regular check ups, they only go for emergency cases, like when they are sick or so...But they get a place to call HOME, they get food, they get to learn to live with others, equal love. What more can they ask for.

Strays. People kick, beat, torture them. They never asked to be strays.

But it all starts when human started to abandon one, which eventually, leads to, million and trillion of them. It's different if they castrate them, then abandon, which is still actually a very sick thing to do, but way better then letting them to keep on littering.

Yeah, so, my addiction, is like how a junky need its drugs. I just can't see cats being strays, even dogs. If I could have dogs, I would have had so many of them. LOL. Even now, I have 12 cats, feeding 2 stray cats, 7 hamsters, 3 tortoise - 1 was rescued, fishes and other creatures living around my house. LOL. I am proud to say, I am an animal lover and I love people calling me mother cat, coz my cats do actually listen to me, and adapt to me very well. I wish to have a zoo :P

Now, I'm saving up, very slowly, to renovate their lil bungalow into a mega huge bungalow, with 3 storeys tiers.. Hope by next year, it will be done.

Till then...

u kno u love me,

-x.o.x.o.-

crapping 101 #57 - Will he be that?

Today...

Someone told me about Kelantan men. This and that. Which honestly, made me freak out a lil.

So, after my friend left, I called my boyfriend. I asked him if he was going to be that one day...

What my friend told me, is that, Kelantan men, will someone, want to marry a Kelantanese. Either they would marry a 2nd wife, or, they divorce and marry a Kelantanese.

So, my psycho mind, had been thinking since then, is that true? Hmm... I don't know how I would respond, if ever one day, that happen. Maybe I might cut his dick off, FOR REAL, or get out of that relationship and find a new husband, or just be emo..I dont know. I really cant say. But what I can say is that I am afraid of the future. I don't want a screwed up marriage life. I've seen enough. Marriage that's fucked up... I hope I wont go through all that. Let it be fights, but not till the marriage have to end.

Anyway, what I hope most is that my boyfriend, won't be that kind of man. I hope he will be a good husband and a great daddy to our children. I don't want a man full of drama and fake. So, I hope, he will be the perfect other half of me. Because as it is, I'm pretty sure he can guide me through life and bring me to the right path to Allah.

I was really thankful, the day I met him. For the first time in my life, I cried thanking Allah that my boyfriend was sent to me. Haihh... Indahnya hidup ini :)

Anyways, here are the few transformation I'm about to go through.
1. Cut hair (done) and colour it to a very dark brown.
2. Quit doshing, or at least, slow down on it.
3. Wear a tudung. :)
4. Go for Islamic studies.
5. Dance class - aerobics, another way for lazy people who don't wanna go to the gym ;P
6. Change my way - Thoughts, Feelings.

Yeap, for now, that's the 6 transformations I must go through. Hope it all work out well.

Till then...

u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #56 - I have no idea...

WOW!! Feels like been years since I last updated my blog....

So, I have a new job, technically, not really new, been 3 months... I'm now working in a hospital, yeah yeah, I know, a designer in a hospital...whatttt... but hey, peeps, EVERY COMPANY NEEDS A DESIGNER occayyy.... :)

Neways, work is awesome. For the 1st time in my life, I can actually say, "Hey, I love my job!" They make me feel like a designer. I'm starting to feel like a designer too. FINALLY! Thank God! They love my job, not only my boss, the doctors too! YEAY!

And, yes, my love life is getting better, I think. I found someone who could love me and accept me. And, he fits the criteria I prayed for. Yeap, it's funny how I met him. Insyaallah, he will be my husband. He can change me and bring me to the right path. But, yeah, everytime there's a but ya? But, he's younger to me 5 years. Will the age difference be a problem? Maybe it is? He's 21 but acting like 26, I'm 26 acting like 21...Haa...I have young blood in me, and he's being very uncle2. LOL. But, when I met him, for the 1st time in my life, I actually cried thanking God for what God has given me (apart from my babies...)

Now, he's changing from whom I actually 1st met. I'm coping up with accepting the changes. Yeah, sometimes I get pissed, but when I'm alone, I sit and think about it, I am also changing my self, to accept him. Coz I choose him, Coz God brought him to me, so, I have to deal with it, Im saying this in a good way :)

Erm, oh, I actually found a cat, Sophie, a long furred cat, she was perfecto! She does her business in d toilet, waits for me before going out, very disciplined. But then, one day, she went missing :( Was sooo sad. Even till today, I'd still pray she'd come back and that I'd meet her again.

Shoots, since the death of my neighbour's dog, BeeMan, I miss him so much till today. URGH!

Ya, and I found another cat, medium long fur, took her from a Tomyam shop in Ampang. At first, she had trouble living with my other cats, now, she's coping up well. I named her Darling, coz she only response to that name.... Sigh~

There was something that happened recently, something I did a month ago, I'd rather not say what. But, I hope God could forgive me for what I've done. I'm hoping to forget that day...I wish I cud erase my memories just for that period of time. Sigh* T.T

Anyways, so far so good. I've stopped my depression pills, on my own, after I met my boyfriend. I feel partially completed in life, but one more step to go before I completely feel satisfied with life - Marriage.

I now want a baby so badly. I wanna play dress up with him/her. I wanna bring him/her up in a good way. I already have names for them too :) And, I have planned how I'm going to bring him/her up, like how I heard an Ustaz was saying.

The 1st 7 years - love him/her, treat them very manja'ly...

The 2nd 7 years - beat them if needed, be strict to them...

The 3rd 7 years - be friends with them, share problems with them...

The 4th 7 years - guide them, but let them fly...

Yeah, sometimes I do listen to the IKIM.fm....It's a good channel... :P

Anyways, gotta go now...Will update again next time. Daym, need to write more poems again! Miss writing, and ARGH, need to continue my novel!!!!! LMFAO~

Till then...

u know u love me,

-x.o.x.o.-

Updates - June and its curse...

June was suppose to be a great month...Recovering after the incident that occurred 2 years ago, where I lost my Rasta a day after my birthday.... 


I thought things would change...


But, little did I know, it has officially become  a point of curse in my life.


27th June 2010 my birthdate.
28th June 2010 - Lost Rasta
27th June 2012 my birthdate.
28th June 2012 - Muffin died


Yeap, this year, 2012, again, a day after my so called suppose to be a wonderful day, the day I celebrated being older, I lost another baby of mine. It was scary.


That evening, I let all the cats out of their mansion, they were happy running around. I saw a male stray cat (bad cat who fights with mine), walking in my house compound, I chased it, it ran to the back. Then I let it be, coz I felt bad if I chased it away, it is homeless.... Then, while I was sitting laughing with my parents at the garden, that stray had came to attack my cats. It 1st attack Muffin, and she ran under Tash's car. Maddox had stopped that fight by interfering, and now, Maddox and the stray was in a war. While I ran towards them, for the 1st time in my life, I witness Mama jumping in the fight aswell, like she was protecting her babies.By the time I reached there, one side of my slipper was already in my hands, waiting to throw at the stray, but still hesitating because of pity, yet, was doing the 'shoohh' sound. The war ended for a while, coz the stray ran, but Maddox had to chase after it, do did I, to chase after Maddox, so he won't hurt himself :P They fought till I had to just throw the slipper on the stray, and the stray ran off. There I was, nurturing Maddox, his chest was pounding so fast, and I could feel his heart has been pumped into a larger size. I carried him to sit on the bench by the pond, in front of mommy. But mom called Muffin out. See, I did not actually saw her being attack, so I thought she ran to hide because she was scared. Muffin is a timid and shy cat, who does not really mix around. She's always so independent. 


But there she was, walking out from hiding, as she walked across the drain, she just fell, weak, like her muscles had all gone. I ran towards her, carrying her, comforting her on the bench in front of mom, by the pond. Mom and Dad told me to feed her some water, coz she's just scared. And while I was about to place some water into her mouth, she bit me, so hard, I thought she was going to chew my flesh out. But no, she was going to die.


And there I was, screaming, crying, but the truth, it wasnt the pain on the hand that hurt most, it was having to see her, have her heart attack, dying there, in pain.


That is the worst death I have ever faced in my life so far.


Muffin will always be in my heart, I hope these scars last forever... I guess it was worth it, to let her bite me, to ease her pain of dying...


I will always heart you Muffin, whereever you are, and I hope one day, we will meet again.


With love,
xoxo.

Poem Time : About Us

Specially for Abang Arrow, Fantasy, Rasta, Soxy, Muffin, Kitty, Boboy, and those who has left me for heaven long time ago....


About Us


There's a story,
About Us,
About you and me.
There's a story,
About our times together,
When you were always here to take pain away,
When you would lay on me, staring into my eyes.
There's a story,
About the past,
When you were still around,
Now there's no more story left about me and you,
Coz you have gone away,
Far from beyond,
And I'm not strong to carry on.
There's only one story left,
It's about my lonely heart...


I will always love them, even if death do us apart...


<3,
Nathra ND

Curve in life...

I think, I have come to a point in my life, where I have to sit and think, What the hell do I actually want to do in life. Recently, working in this new company since April, I realize that I have lack of creativity. Should I learn more and educate myself to Degree level? Or should I keep working under people? I realize that I cant work under anyone anymore.


Here is the conclusion.


1. Talk to mom and dad about this.
2. Concentrate on building my freelance company.
3. Find freelance graphic design job.
4. Finish my novel to be publish and sold widely.


Yes, I must make a change in life. No more being stressed about this. I know, I found the answer, I just need to find the courage right away.


Must make a change in life. Priority number 1 in life right now. Don't give a damn about other people's feelings anymore, think about myself first and never care about any other self anymore!!


Done. Set my mind.




u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #55 - Lost count of the head count..

ZOMG, been ages since i came on blog...well, to be honest, i have lost count of how many men has checked me out...I think its about 20 now...20 only, chill lah..im not hot..LMFAO~


But here, updates...


I quit my job in fairfuckingview...LOL... Now im working at an event agency, encoremedia in Subang..Well, it's a bangladeshi company, but who cares..But anyhow, I have another offer, now working freelance with that other offer..HeHeHe...Kecurangan..LOL~


Other than that, well, I have no more feelings for Mr.Sunshine...NON AT ALL!! And im glad..LOL~ Still single, looking for the perfect man to be a husband...Have tons of scandals...been driving 120 these days, since i drove my boss's BMW the other day...LOL...Got hurt again by this stupid army dude, but wtf, part of life i guess...I can deal with being hurt these days...LOL...What else..erm...Been feeling better these days,health wise...Other than that, everything is gud so far...


So, we'll see how things goes in the near future...I have a plan now, find tons of money, open my own designing company...so...let's see... :)


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #54 --> Head Count to how many men who check me out!!

Wow Wee Junior Juice!!!! LOL~


My head count, from 5, now has reached 9...and one of it, the number 8, is actually my ex boyfriend, the longest relationship boyfriend...


Muahahaha, I'm looking better and better day by day...After all, I love the attention, so, might aswell work hard to achieve my goal right? Goal and GOLD! LMFAO~


Ngee Hee Hee...


So, as today, 04.02.2012, my head count is now 9.


Let's see how far more I can go. Note, my head count will stop on the 27th June 2012!


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #53 --> Full of crap...LOL~

Today, I'm feeling a little down.


I wish I could see him, get a hug from him, get a kiss from him, talk to him, one last time...


I miss him, his text messages, his calls, laughing with him, telling him shiet...Haih...How sad it is when things were fine, but there are unfair reasons just lingering around...


It took me 2 years to forget Ied before this... I wonder how long it's going to take for me to forget Mr. Sunshine...LMFAO~ 


Anyway, today is a very boring day. Woke up at 4 plus...Been doing nothing since then.. It feels like I have no brain or someshit like that...I think even Patrick the starfish has a better day than mine. HaHaHa...


Oh shiet..Suddenly, I'm wondering, how is he doing in Jakarta? Is he fine? Has he been eating well? Has he been taking care of his health? Has he been fucking around? Shiet...WTF? Why am I thinking about him. He quit on me. Ahh, enough Nathra, fuck it, forget!!


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #52 --> Head Count to how many men who check me out!!

So, recently, I have decided to do a head count, on how many people in Malaysia or in this world would find me attractive... Meaning, they would either check me out, or have the guts to approach me.


Last week, Thursday, there was 1 guy, who was actually checking me out. He was in his car, waiting for only God knows what. I'm not sure if he's chinese or malay. He was in a Viva. I walked from 7 Eleven at Convent Kajang school to my car. He watched me. I got in my car, started the engine, turned on the inner lights coz I was about to top up my phone. I looked at him, I noticed he was staring at me..After I topped up my phone, I turned off the lights, then I looked at him again, I saw him showing his phone to me, with the screen facing my direction, I guess that's his way of saying 'hey, whats ur number'...LMFAO~ He should have just be a man, got down of the car, and approached me. Anyway, that was the 1st guy.


Then, yesterday, I went to Cameron Highlands with Mom, Dad and Rini. There, 3 guys checked me out. Aha, yes, not 1, but 3!!! LOL~ Alright, this just means that my plan to be hot, is working! :) Being hot is not only just looking good (face) alright people, being hot means, you gotta walk proudly, gracefully, like you own the world, and dress up nice, have confidence, speak good English with accent...Damn, it's tough alright!! Anyway, all together, head count, 4 now...


Today, CNY lunch at cik P's home, as usual, this is the 4th year I go there, it is my culture now for CNYs. After lunch, went to meet cik R, at Bangsar. Went to do threading and face+neck bleaching again, shit, the lady did my eyebrow a little to thin..LOL~ Nevermind that. Then, me and cik R, went shopping, then chill at Coffee Bean & Tealeaf. While walking in Bangsar Village 2, there was a dude, he was old lah, I think around 40ish...He checked me out. LMFAO~ I was talking to cik R, telling her about living in New York, being hot, walking like we own the world...So I was walking straight, with chest out, with English accent..He saw me, he checked me out as he passed by me...LOL~ So, head count, 5 now!!!


5 people checked me out...Hmm...How many more to come? I guess we'll just wait and see.. Ngee Hee Hee.. I guess this break up is doing me good. Sad, but I'm hot now, so who cares? LMFAO~


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #51 --> Miss, miss, miss... :)

Alright.


I think I miss him. I wish I could replay 30th October - 11th December 2011 again and again. LMFAO~


It was nice having him calling me, texting me, skyping with me, staring at me, listening to me, smiling at me, laughing with me. Owh dear, I'm only me when I was with him. I felt so real and alive. :)


Oh those sweet memories. But, I guess, shit happens, you can never escape the shits of life right? LOL~


Kalau saja semua itu masih berlaku....


It's occay. I will get my feet back on the ground. But, I still will wait for him, even if it takes forever, even if he has moved on.


Lirikan matanya, telah terpahat di dada. Senyuman ikhlasnya, telah terbuku di hati. Ahh, rindunya aku dengan dia. :)


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-

Crapping 101 #50 --> I wished the future never appeared in mind...

I have been asking myself a million times, do I actually want to marry him?


At 1st, the answer was YES, YES and YES...Then, been thinking so deep, I did not had a single thought about marriage for the first time in my life while I was in a relationship. I never even thought I would have dated him. So I guess, my answer would be a NO. I don't know who the fuck he is, how can I say I want to marry him. I guess, my intention was just to love, be loved, but, not marriage. Basically, what I'm saying here is, I just wanted to be in a relationship with him. Nothing more than that.


I was driving back alone from my grandmother's house. This thought came to mind. Therefore, I'm blogging it here.


Been thinking so deep. He acts like he's all mature, but no, he's actually not. Hey, I'm not saying I am. LOL~ He acts like he's all tough, but no, he's actually not. Maybe what I have been writing in my blog, made him, and a lot of people think, that I would want to marry him. Maybe it freaked him out. Hey, I'll never know.


Anyway, after thinking and those thoughts came to my mind, next thing I know, I was already in Kajang, passing by Kajang Church, I just thought about him. And I felt sad, to be honest, I felt like fuck, I think I miss him. And wish that I could tell him that all I wanted was just a relationship from him.


But what the fuck, what's done is done. All we can do is not to think back, or even look at the future, but look at life now, and live the life. Ahaks, if that was so easy to be done, I wouldn't have had a blog in the first place right? LOL~


u know u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-