Bullshitting101~#2

written on: 18th June 2009(before i came to my senses)

well,once upon a time,i learned that if you love someone,you gotta learn to let the person go...
yes,i am ready to let the person go...
but kan,like i said,and many people say,EVERYONE DESERVE A 2ND CHANCE la...
i must fight for it..right?
hmm..if i give up,like how i always give up,then,no point la...no point in living..
but,the thing that pisses me off,is that u dont quit something u just started la!!haishh...
sadis taw...sadis...cam pengecut pun ada...macam pesalah pun ada...uhhhh,cheeky..hehehehe...

aku memang merindui dia,yeah,i do really miss him...but,i cant force someone into loving me la kan..hehe..i only can hope..and dream..and keep on dreaming..but we did have a plan..didnt we..but its ok...maybe i wasnt the one who was suppose to be in that plan..its ok..i totally understand...
people,remember,"DONT EVER LEAVE SOMEONE HANGING WITH A MILLION QUESTIONS"
people,remember,"DO NOT QUIT SOMETHING U STARTED,IF U WANNA QUIT,DONT START IT.."
same goes to marriage...
hahaha...well,i guess,when u r really heartbroken crashed crushed(wow),u just go crazy for a bit,but,if u r strong enuf,u can move on,u can do it,even though the memories haunts u down...but i know,i am strong enuf..and at least,i changed..thanks for that special person who made me change...i became a lil bit more girly,and i feel hard to simply swear,and i sing happy songs like 'always look at the bright side of life'...hehehe...
but,somehow,i tot that person was different,really different,but,it turns out that he was just the same as the others...takperla...kita belajar dari pengajaran...
aku pun xkan jadi pushy...aku akan jadi penyabar...and,who knows,soon,nathra will wear tudung(feels like it laaaaa)...hehehe...neways,i love that person,and always will...but i will mend back my broken heart like i always do...hehehehe...
but,hey,THANK U...

~xoxo

W.E.M.L.

well well...
i guess,if i wud be given a nickname,i wud be call,'the confused one'...who doesnt even know of what she wants in life...

1) i dont know if what i said before,bout not loving iedrus,was true or was just because i found someone new...
2) i am being a desperate bitch rite now,arent i?coz im looking for iedrus again...
3) i can move on from being dump..i found out the truth..not from sharif though...i realized,it was my mistake all along..i pushed him too hard,that i accidentally pushed him away..
4) i told my friend that i wanna banned 27th june in my life,meaning no presents,no wishes,but,i really dont know how true i want that...hmmm..
5) i dont know if i still love iedrus,but,i really really do miss him alot...
6) i've lost my mind,i cannot think anymore,its like,i lost my brains or something...y?
7) but im already fine from being dumped...
8) actually,signs were there all along,that me and sharif mmg xserasi from the start..he is just him,and im me...we r two different people with different likings...hmm...no wonder everyday i sure sing 'kita berdua,jauh berbeza,langit dan bumi,blablabla' everytime after i reach home from seeing him...haha...

see...and there's more going on...hmmm...

"WhatEvaMajorLoser-W.E.M.L."

-xoxo-

bullshitting101~#1

life isn't as bad as i thought it is..
doesn't mean that, one thing in your life goes away,you gotta be down..
if you have great friends,they just know how to make u feel better..
well,shit happens in life,rite?and,everything happens for a reason..
and,i know,everybody hates to be left hanging...hmm..
i wonder,what awaits me ahead..
will i end up having the one i love as the one?
will i be working in the advertising line as what im studying now?
will i be a successful person?
will i have a great life ahead?
will i be able to move on in life when im heartbroken?
i guess,its up to me right?its how i colour that white piece of cloth...
yeah...after all this crying and saying that i wanna die and stupid stuff like that,
i came to my senses...i came back to earth...i can do it..so what if just because of one stupid shit that happened,i have to screw up...unless,i am and was born to just screw up(hehehe)...
well,one thing u all gotta know,nathra is a very very negative and impatient person...
oh,talking about impatient,
dear friends,who've ive hurt,no matter what way ive hurt u,i wanna apologize..
and,people,remember,no matter how lost u feel,how angry u feel,how stupid u feel,EVERYONE DESERVE A 2ND CHANCE...
and,to all u mabukers out there-"DRINKING IS NOT A SOLUTION!!!"
and,to all u cowards or messed up people out there,-"TALKING IS THE BEST SOLUTION"~that's what adults do(if u say u r matured laaa)...

p/s:sorrie if this note singgung u readers feelings...this is my bullshitting mind speaking...hehe..
~XOXO

replied back msg...

hi..u xpenah sakitkan ati i,walaupun yeah,i ada xpuas ati dengan u..sharif,what happen to u?ini bukanlah sharif yang i kenal?i ada sakitkan hati u ke?i ada singgung perasaan u ke?hmm..kenapa u tetibe jadi camni?izzit because im just to clingy?sharif,the past was meant to be in the past...u met me for a reason..but now u r quitting what u started...i nak faham u..i know,inside u,there's this whole new wonderful person in there...u need to move on from the past...i accepted who u are...i choose u...sharif,apa maksud u dengan keserasian antara kita tiada?i tidak merasakan camtu pun...i tried to talk to u,but u seem to not open up to me..and,on saturday,u said u ada something nak bincang dengan i,is this the matter?kalau ye,ini bukan berbincang namanya sharif...u r just running away...y?talk to me...lets meet up,and talk...adults talk,so come,lets talk...face to face...look me in the eye,and tell me all this...one last time...
p/s:ur ayat gile jiwang..didnt know u cud say things yg berbunga2...and,i miss ya,we really did actually have something special...

this was what i replied to him...and gosh,my mood swings like faster than the rocket...geez...one second im fine,one second i feel sad,one second i feel happy...geez...wat's wrong?

break up msg..

hi....sebelum i cakap apa2 i nak minta maaf dulu,jika selama ni i banyak sakit kan hati u...dan i nak ucapkan terima kasih banyak2 untuk apa saja yg u buat untuk i...selama kita kenal...u tau tak sebenarnya kadang2 apa yg kita rancang tak semestinya berjalan seperti yg diharapkan,jadi kuatkan hati u sebab i bukan membenci u,bukan ada perempuan lain dan bukan sebab i marahkan u....tidak ada cacat celanya dari pandangan i,cantik manis sama macam manusia lain,apa pun situasinya kita tetap bole jadi kawan dan soal jodoh semuanya kerja tuhan,i tak nak tipu u,setelah sekian hari ini i mengenali u i cuba untuk cari keserasian antara u dengan i....jelas sekali sebenarnya sayang i pada u berbatas tidak bole diberi lebih....sebab hati ni tak bole nak dipaksa lagi....i harap u faham....tiada soal atau isu lain selain isu mengenai hati kita sendiri...setiap perlakuan u sebenarnya tidak sesuai untuk i mungkin disebabkan kisah silam i,i dh tak tau macam nak layan perempuan,manja u,comel u sebenar nya sangat istimewa tp sayang sebab ia bukan untuk i,sebaliknya orang lain,mungkin jodoh u nanti i tak tau dan i tak tau apa akan jadi kat i lg 2 3 tahun...i minta u faham isi hati i,i tanak pura2,dan i tak bole tipu hati i...u baik dan u bole jadi lg baik dari sekarang...bukan i tak suka kat u tak sayang kat u,tapi keserasian antara kita tiada,jadi i dah fikir masak2 lagi lama hubungan kita nanti hati kita akan jadi lagi rumit,dan mulai sekarang kita kawan je tak lebih dari itu,i minta maaf.

that was a break up message i received...tak paham r,everything was fine..just because my status kat facebook merepek2 emonyer,dia rasa aku jadi gila sbb dia r?weh,ingat aku xda keje lain nak bwat dari jadi gila hanya sbb seekor jantan yang tak tau nak menghargai apa yg dia ada???arghhh.....fuck la....fuck!!!!and all my fucking problems pun had to start at the same time la kan?babi sial pukimak cibai hanjing sial!!!arghhhhh....

men and women

what's up with men? its so hard to understand them, and its so hard for them to understand us girls...

MEN:
-stupid
-straight
-lame
-heartbreakers
-cold
-heartless
-suckers!!

WOMEN:
-smart
-flickered minded
-emotional
-hot
-loving
-annoying at times
-good at planning
-soft hearted

so, basically, men and women are two different human beings with different brain shape i guess..hahahaha...

-xoxo-

latest newsflash about my love life..

so,
latest news,
dlguy dont call me anymore,i think he sorta get the hint(me not answering his calls)
but,i feel bad though..hmm..

but sharif,he's nice..ive been changing alot..having lotsa sense now in my head too due to sharif lecturing me alot..hahahaha....sweet..i find he cute in ALL WAYS!!!hahaha...

XOXO~

special edition for my love...

there are simple things that i find sooo amazing,
the simple things that u do,
the simple but amazing things that happen between us..

i love how my heart beats waiting to see u,
i love how u talk sense into me,
i love the way u clench your teeth when u cant resist looking at me,
i love the way u smell,
i love how your smell stick to my palm when we let go of our hands,
i love how your eyes whispers to me saying that u r all mine,
i love it when we talk for hours on the phone,
and how my legs just cant stop moving when im talking to u,
MOST OF ALL, I LOVE BEING IN LOVE WITH U...

i appreciate every single second spending time with u,
i appreciate every moment i spend with u,
and i want to spend the rest of my life,feeling more...

i <3>

in pain and left in pain...

i woke up this morning, with a terrible pain in me, lower part from the chest, terrible terrible pain..i woke up from sleep, not a peaceful sleep, its a freaking scary sleep, but awesome dream, but scary sleep...u understand?hmm..i presume u dont...neway, im in pain right, and i still had to go for my best friends marriage, been running around the whole day, then my head started to feel like my brains were loose...like when i walk, i can feel a terrible vibration in my head, yeah,picture that!!when i sit, i get up gosh the pain comes attacking me like worldwar2 man!!arghh...till now, its 10pm now, i just got back from a wedding, i told my dad that i wanna go to the doctor, he said ask mum about it, so i asked mum, and she said 'u go doctor also what the doctor can do?take medicine onlyyyy'....damn...so yeah, my parents rather loose me than bringing me to the doctor right??so if i die, then only they will realize that im in fucking pain right??? like hellooooo, im the one suffering, of course u dont care right??!!arghhh....

are your parents like that too?

my boyfriend forced me to go to the doctor, now i know why i didnt wanna tell my parents that i wanna go to the doctor, coz telling them, and they saying no, it makes my pain even worse!!bloody hell!!!arghhh...

pern, nix, if i die, show them this post, show my parents this post, tell them, that my body has been disfunctioning alot, and they didnt even care!!!

2 in 1

if a person claims that he or she loves u,
and at the same time, he or she dont have a phone,
dont u think he or she shud try no matter how, to call u?
hurmpp...
maybe he did ran outta love too......

newayz,
this new guy,shariff,he's great...he's just sooo cute..arghh..somehow, he makes me feel like i wanna be a better person, live a greater live, carry on living without hating it, be a real girl(finally)...i mean, seriously, im like, starting to think of 'oh man,what am i gonna wear today?', and ive been singing songs like 'allllways look at the brighttttt side of life'....hahahahaha...omg,im changing...huhu...glad..oh,but imagine me changing, but last time,i always break up with the person when i start to feel that the person ask me to change.hahahaha....wow...WOW...seriously,WOW!!!

oh crap!!

HOLY CRAPPP!!!!

iedrus is back...

and im,FUCKED!!!

DARN DAMN!!!

NEWSFLASH: NEW BF!!!

so,i met this new guy on facebook,he's nice,he's sweet,he cares about me,he didnt just left me shut for 7months then suddenly one day text me and the other day shut again(arghhh)...well,i like him too,at that time laa,now,i love him..bit by bit,and it will be soo much soon...
his name is sharif,he's..ermm...he's arghhh sooo sweet...hehe..he's a photographer/musician..he's smart..he definately can speak english...his lips are sooooooo soft(hehehe),yeap,went out with him today,kissed for the 1st time..ohh,and now,im just stillllll feel like im in lala land....hmmm...that feeling,of his soft lips,on mine,ohhh,i just cant forget...
ok,that's the latest news for now..hehe..before i get too in detail and make everyone puke..hahaha...
yeap..that's about it...btw,i just found out today,that he's a shy guy...when meeting girls..haha..cute...arghhh....kufumaufaurofogolfoldifiafa(nix,u know what im saying..haha..)

p/s: what happens to iedrus?hmm...letting him go,i guess...coz,now i think,he actually left me,that day he stopped calling me..and 7months?gosh,that's a pretty long time..that i aint sure bout my feelings anymore..and,i think,by the way he sounded that day,i pretty much sure,he kindda lost that feeling too...hurmpp...

-xoxo-

Miracle Day...

ZOMG...

Today: Miracle Day

I woke up at 2.30pm today, and as usual, as i wake up, the 1st thing i do is to check my phone(hehehe)...So i saw that i got a message, i viewed message and i got shocked, and my eyes just open widely...I didnt expect it at all...I got a message from someone that i have just been waiting for 7months...

Yes, Iedrus text me..he said 'hai syg...' and i just didnt even believe that it was him, plus i just woke up see, i really thought i was dreaming..So i text his brother and i called cik Natelppa..

To cut the story short, Iedrus told me to call him if i dont believe it, and cik Natelppa gave me the courage to call him..And i asked him 3question to make sure it was him and he answered straight without even a pause:
Question 1: "Dulu Iedrus slalu minum air kotak apa?"
He answered: "STRAWBERRYYYYYYYY" and he sounded so cute saying it..haha..
Question 2: "1st time i kuar ngan Iedrus, kita lepak dalam kereta kat mana?"
He answered: "Bangsar"
Question 3: "1st time i kuar ngan Iedrus, dia pakai baju apa?"
He answered: "Hijau"
And i was pretty damn sure that it was him...Haha...

Well, he's still in sabah, going crazy not knowing when he's gonna come back..Haha..

And he's not feeling well, he's sick, and he misses me and he loves me...And all this, just made my day...Eventhough dad scolded me just now, i was justttttt happy in my head..hahahaha...

Wow, finally after waiting for 7months, finally...hmm...Now i just can't wait for him to come back, i just wanna hug him tight...

XOXO~

father's love...

IMAGINE...

true story

once,she were so close to her father..she look up to him more than anything..he's her goddess,he's her life,he's everything to her..till one day,this thing that humans are so greedy of, that i seem to hate so much,that is called money,spoilt their relationship..her father became more to him self..her father lost his job..her father is not young anymore,and her father has to supply food and shelter for her n her family..so,slowly,time passes by,she dont really bond with her father anymore,and that relationship that was once special,has turned sour,dull,not knowing each other anymore.......

then suddenly,her life seem to turn upside down, everything is just bad luck,all she gives is nothing but trouble...and one day,when her dad was just relaxing,she went to hug him...and he didnt hug her back...but he said 'aahhh, after you cry'...its like chasing her away...so she just left.

then she started questioning herself, does her father still loves her?does her father still see her as that special one?does her father hate her??all these question...and tears just began to flow,on her skin,on her cheeks,and it became cold as the aircond blows the air..and everything just doesnt matter anymore now...coz they hate her...

see how some of u are still lucky that u have a father, and that u have a father who loves u, a father who cares for u...when was the last time u say that magical word to ur father?that 3 word "i love u"??when was the last time u hugged ur father?

coz God is great..and u wont know when will be the last time u ever see your father...dont be afraid, dont be ashamed,instead, be proud, feel proud and tell ur father that u love him,and hug him...coz,he might be gone,anytime,anysecond now,maybe in the next one minute,the next hour,the next day,the next week?

think about it readers...

mothers...

mother, mummy, mama, ibu, amma, ummi

mother's day..

how sure you are, when you say "happy mother's day" to your mother?
how sure you are, when you say "i love you mom" to her?
how sure are you, that you love her? that you really love her?

think about it...

what if, u had a mom who is just so hard to live with, to cope with, to breathe with...
what if, u had a mom who is just so controlling over your life, your sister's life, your brother's life?
what if, u had a mom who don't even care about u, your sister, your brother?

true story:
there's this mom, who wouldn't answer her phone, on mother's day, call from her own blood, her 25 year old daughter, who's living in another country-->why? because she didn't agree to go to that another country to get that man her mother wants her daughter to get married to+she wants too...due to work, money and time...

so, how many of you have a mother, who gives you the freedom to make your own decision, to make a choice of your life, understand bout your feelings, a mother who may be angry at you but still have the heart to answer your call on mother's day?

but yet, you complain about your mother?
yet, you say your mother is full of crap?
but that girl, still loves her mom, still go through it even if she can't take it anymore...

think about it...

mothers........

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...

well,this song explains it all..it is so true..and this song represents me best!!well, for those of u interested in this song, you can find it, in youtube, cyndi lauper-girls just wanna have fun..hope u enjoy the song..its from the 80s...and yes,i am very oldschool..so what??huhu..just enjoy k coz, GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun...

sentence of the post

1) kalau nak tikam, tikam habis-habisan

2) kalau nak sayang, sayang habis-habisan

3) kalau nak menipu, biarlah kamu jadi pro dulu

amazingly...

amazingly, as some of u know, i waited 7months for iedrus...
amazingly, since ive known him in my life, i dont easily love a person anymore...
amazingly, iedrus is the only one i want...
amazingly, i am so amazed with my self...
amazingly, he's that special guy that no one can beat...
amazingly, i feel so tied up to him...
amazingly, im feeling scared waiting for him...
amazingly, im really scared the shit outta my self, just waiting for him...
amazingly, amazing...

ikut suka hati

omg..its 1st may...its may already...mayyyyyyyyyy.....

iedrus is suppose to come back this month..i wonder what will happen...everything is gonna change...everything...

i miss him..but im actually damn scared..actually, im pretty damn scared of alot of shit that is happening to me right now..hmm..i wonder how will all this end..

i use to think that 'life is just a game,so i shud play it well' but i guess,i screwed up actually...hmm..

oh yeah, have u people ever had a fren who was so hard to talk to?dia ske ikut kepala dia je..dia buat2 takde hal, tapi kebenarannye,dia mmg ada hal..pukimak sial orang camtu..eeee...ko jangan satu hari,aku hilang sabar,sepak terajang je muka bangang ko tu!!ish ish...kalau la ko tahu semua ni...wkakakakakakaka....bodo!!

word of the post:
-ungrateful bitch, go screw ur self!!-

ohhhh,takut takut takut...iedrus nak balik...hmm...

sudahlah...

penat...

the swearing post!!

tonight,im just here,sitting alone,using my sister's lappie,at my sister's place,well,i feel so much hatred in me..i feel like i hate someone close to me..for sooo many reasons...damn sick and tired of this person's stupid fake acting..u r one hell of a fucking good actor la ha?god damn it!!buat tambah dosa aku je la ko ni!!

neway, i feel that i dont deserve to be breathing in this world..ive been failing all my life..im a big time failure..i never score something..and now,even worse,im having this huge fucking dilemma, need to tell my parents that i failed,again,but this time,no otp or wat so ever shit..

by the way, to all u ppl who kononnye say that i shudnt give up studying,just carry on studying, and shit like that,or even saying u understand wat im going through but the fact that u actually dont,go fuck urself,also to u people who have thoughts like 'maybe nathra is lazy',well im not lazy,i have issues with the education shit coz i aint interested in studying,so again,go fuck ur fucking self u fucking people!!seriously!!coz if u really understand n feel what im going through,then u will know how fucking shitty i feel!!so far,only 2frens of mine understand,coz they went through it,nix and nathia...this problem im facing,is actually something really weird,its a weird disease...have u ever,have a task to be done,u wanna do it,but when u sit n concentrate to do it,u just loose it,u cant do it,and the next thing u think is 'i rather die' and u feel like the world is coming to an end...thats what i went through,therefore,i failed marker rendering fucking stupid class...

see,my problem here is that,in my mind,"i dont fucking knoe why i have to fucking study when i dont even wanna work after studying,and i wanna be a professional photographer n have my own studio,not some stupid advertising design person"...this is what in other people's mind's,"studying is important,having a career is important"...this is what my so called parents who wont try to be in my shoes understand,"studying is important,career is important,having a great job is good for your future,money is everything these days"....well one thing i wanna say,"WELL U FUCKING PEOPLE,TRY BEING IN MY FUCKING SHOE FOR ONE DAY,U WONT EVEN LAST!!"

im sorrie for all the swearing used in this post, to those of u who has no connection with me but so happen reads my blog...but those of u who knows who u fucking people are,remember,go fuck ur self!!and only i knoe who u r...opps,unless u terasa la..sape makan cili,terasa la kepedasannye kan...dont bother calling me and kononnye pretending that u care about me la ok,or just to ask me if u r the one im talking bout,those many many people,coz i will always pretend that im nice...

i wish, i was unborn..

i wish, i wasnt this useless,

i wish, i was that perfect person u wanted me to be...

mom dad, im sorrie to say,

u have a loser daughter who happens to be a big failure!!

and so happen,

she feels that she hates u,

but till today,

she wonders, that if she hates u,

y doesnt she have the guts to fucking leave u,

or to fucking die...

im sorrie i have to be this BIG DISAPPOINTMENT in ur lives...

wish my parents cud knoe how i truly feels...

and wish i have the guts to tell them everything...from A to Z...

-ended with tears-