the swearing post!!

tonight,im just here,sitting alone,using my sister's lappie,at my sister's place,well,i feel so much hatred in me..i feel like i hate someone close to me..for sooo many reasons...damn sick and tired of this person's stupid fake acting..u r one hell of a fucking good actor la ha?god damn it!!buat tambah dosa aku je la ko ni!!

neway, i feel that i dont deserve to be breathing in this world..ive been failing all my life..im a big time failure..i never score something..and now,even worse,im having this huge fucking dilemma, need to tell my parents that i failed,again,but this time,no otp or wat so ever shit..

by the way, to all u ppl who kononnye say that i shudnt give up studying,just carry on studying, and shit like that,or even saying u understand wat im going through but the fact that u actually dont,go fuck urself,also to u people who have thoughts like 'maybe nathra is lazy',well im not lazy,i have issues with the education shit coz i aint interested in studying,so again,go fuck ur fucking self u fucking people!!seriously!!coz if u really understand n feel what im going through,then u will know how fucking shitty i feel!!so far,only 2frens of mine understand,coz they went through it,nix and nathia...this problem im facing,is actually something really weird,its a weird disease...have u ever,have a task to be done,u wanna do it,but when u sit n concentrate to do it,u just loose it,u cant do it,and the next thing u think is 'i rather die' and u feel like the world is coming to an end...thats what i went through,therefore,i failed marker rendering fucking stupid class...

see,my problem here is that,in my mind,"i dont fucking knoe why i have to fucking study when i dont even wanna work after studying,and i wanna be a professional photographer n have my own studio,not some stupid advertising design person"...this is what in other people's mind's,"studying is important,having a career is important"...this is what my so called parents who wont try to be in my shoes understand,"studying is important,career is important,having a great job is good for your future,money is everything these days"....well one thing i wanna say,"WELL U FUCKING PEOPLE,TRY BEING IN MY FUCKING SHOE FOR ONE DAY,U WONT EVEN LAST!!"

im sorrie for all the swearing used in this post, to those of u who has no connection with me but so happen reads my blog...but those of u who knows who u fucking people are,remember,go fuck ur self!!and only i knoe who u r...opps,unless u terasa la..sape makan cili,terasa la kepedasannye kan...dont bother calling me and kononnye pretending that u care about me la ok,or just to ask me if u r the one im talking bout,those many many people,coz i will always pretend that im nice...

i wish, i was unborn..

i wish, i wasnt this useless,

i wish, i was that perfect person u wanted me to be...

mom dad, im sorrie to say,

u have a loser daughter who happens to be a big failure!!

and so happen,

she feels that she hates u,

but till today,

she wonders, that if she hates u,

y doesnt she have the guts to fucking leave u,

or to fucking die...

im sorrie i have to be this BIG DISAPPOINTMENT in ur lives...

wish my parents cud knoe how i truly feels...

and wish i have the guts to tell them everything...from A to Z...

-ended with tears-