bullshitting 101~#34 - Live diary

18.January.2010.

~ A man, came into my life, gave me happiness, gave me love, changed my life, made me a whole new person, made me believe in love, made me change my perspective over sex, basically, he changed my life and made me smile again.

20.March.2010.

~ That man, whom was suppose to be with me a while more, before he get back to reality of marrying someone else(arranged marriage), DUMPED ME. He said, he could not lie to himself, lie to me. Eventhough I made my choice, knowing that he cant marry me, I told him, its occay, as I accepted that fact, I accepted the fact that, I only have appoximately 3more months to be with him, happily in love, but...he took it away. Cruel, evil, wishing badly to hate him, yet, I couldnt. But then, I tried and tried, I guess its no use. Maybe he didnt know, he was,to me, the strength, courage and bravery to face the world. And yes, I was already so madly deeply in love with him. And from what he said, he loves me very much too. But, why say 'before we fall more deeply and hurt ourselves more'? Hmmm...Nevermind, let that be it...Ive said it once,to a guy,Im gonna say it again,here, 'I love him, and I will always love him, till I draw my last breath.' But, i have once learnt, that, 'if you love someone, you gotta learn to let the person go.' So, I will...

20.March.2010.

~ After all that commotions, crying, blablabla, I went home. And if you readers read my post before this, you will know, I was already feeling way lower than depressed, and the break up was a real wrong timing thingy. So, I was at home, mom and dad noticed something different, coz I went to bed early, sitting in the dark, tears flowing automatically, brains was thinking more than usual, dizziness due to the bottle of beer. I made my decision. Ive decided to talk to dad. Well, why not mom? Occay, the reason is because, talking to a women, is not as easy as talking to a men. K? : ) Well, before that, let me remind you, I may not have written this in my blog, but i wrote it on facebook. Ive finally found my dream job, to be a photographer with National Geography and to also have my very own 'Kid's Arts & Craft Centre'...It may not be a big dream to you readers, but to me, its way bigger than big. Its my passion. Working anywhere near animals. Teaching kids(people said i have the patience to teach kids, i gave tuitions bfore :D ) So, now, Im waiting till Tuesday comes, Im gonna talk to my daddy, it's my only chance. I cant take the pain of lying to myself, what more, lying to them. I SHOULD HAVE done this a long time ago, but only now, after the break up, I decided to take actions for myself. I shouldnt rely on anyone anymore, what more, cling on to the word 'LOVE'...Since daddy is good at business, mommy is good with registrations and stuff(she had her own kindergarden) and Im good at teaching and also at arts and crafts, Im sure, if we three joined our talents together, we can be on top. YES. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF!!! But honestly, I cant study anymore, Im done with it.

22.March.2010.

~ Moha, a really nice friend of mine, is gonna leave on this date, meaning, today. He helped me alot when I had ups and downs with that man I loved and have lost. Moha, is simply a great friend. I hope to meet him again, someday, somewhere, in future. I love him very much (as friends). I wish him all full luck for his future. And that I will always be there for him, through ups and downs, through happiness and sadness, I will always be there for him, and I will forever be his friend, good friend, best friend, a shoulder to cry on.

23.March.2010.

~ This date, marks it all. Im gonna talk to my dad. Like adults. Wish me luck guys!!

* As we go on, we remember, all the times we've, spent together..I just wanted to spend every last minute I had before the time comes with him...But its ok Nathra, you love him, you gotta let....him......GO. *

u know u love me,

x.o.x.o.