The long drive home, traffic jam.
I managed to ask Dad a question. The intention was to try to understand Mr. Sunshine's decision on the break up.
ME : Dad, when you marry Mom, were you scared? About religion.
The first thing he replied.
DAD : That's why I dated Mom for 7 years. To ensure that I love her, to ensure that I understand and learn about the religion and culture.
Wow. He really did love her. He said, a guy who really loves you, would do anything for you, even die for you. I guess what he meant was, if a guy really loves me, he would take a bullet for me straight in his heart. Meaning, if someone were to shoot me, the guy would be willing to jump in front of me so the bullet would hit him, instead of me.
I guess, in Dad's case, he did not quit the relationship. He really knew what he was signing up for. He took the challenge. He really did love Mom. He also said, if a girl is willing to do anything for a guy, that's no use, the marriage would not last long.
That just put sense in my head. I guess, Mr. Sunshine did love me, but he did not love me till the extend that he would die for me. I guess, there's just no use in being together. I'm going to move on. Yet, deep in my heart, I know, I still wish he would have love me to the extend of doing anything for me, I still wish he did not quit on me, I still wish he is the one whom I will wake up to every day for the rest of my life. After all, he even moved on now, he's happy wherever on earth he is, he doesn't even care a single shiet about me, so, why should I suffer right? :) After all, if he really loved me, he would still wont have the heart to look at any girls, fuck any girls, he would have still want to know about me, he would have still called me, misses me, love me, he would still keep in contact with me.
After the talk with Dad, I changed my decision, a man must be willing to jump in front of the bullet for me. I'm not going to do anything for a guy anymore. Fuck that shiet. If a guy really had balls, he must do anything for me.
I'm glad Dad did not quit on Mom. I'm glad he took 7 years to date her, to know that he really loves her, and to convert. I'm glad he is my father. And I'm farking glad I had that talk with Dad.
Mr. Sunshine is my true love I guess, cause I was willing to do anything for him, but he may not be the one I will end up with. True love only come once, but it doesn't mean that they will be the one you'll end up with. Sometimes, even a couple who's married for 30 years, they would still be thinking of 'Hey, I once had a real true love, but it did not happen.'
Anyway, Mr. Sunshine, if you read this, note this dear, you will always be my true love. I will always have a place for you in my heart, in my life. But, if you are not willing to take a bullet for me, I guess your decision was right. Thank you, for ending it now, than ending it later. I guess you were right all along, when you said you did not want us to get hurt later. I guess you blocking me on facebook was the right thing to do after all. It is helping me, eventhough I still do love you and miss you, and do hope you'll come back. But, I guess, I owe you an apology, and a thank you. I hope, one day, we will meet, and would laugh about the past.
Oh Oh, I'm going to start a head count, on how many guys out there, who tries to woo me, who's attracted to me... Just for fun. Hey, I'm still holding on to my words, I don't think I want to get married. ;) Too many things I have seen and learn from marriages. Enough. Too scary. I think the only perfect one I have seen so far is, erm, Mr. Sunshine's parents. Alright, goodbye marriage, hello to the new Nathra!!
u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-
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