Let me start by saying this. This country is not fair eh. The rules are crap.
Next, I'm going to say, life is unfair too.
If they were to allow inter-religion marriages, no one would feel so pain, and everyone would be happy. Well, everyone has their own faith to hold on to, even if they married another race, if they still believe in what they believe in, so what? Even if they converted just for formality sake, and still believe in their own faith, so what? Other countries allow all these, which I think is awesome. Can I be there please!! Haihh..
Life...Why is there such thing as being scared? Why is there such thing as being daring? Haihh.. Can't everything be mutual, the same? That say 'If you love someone, learn to let that person go', it's so bloody unfair. What's the point of loving someone, if you have to let go? Just the same with what's the point, of starting something beautiful, then, because of things happening around you, you quit that something beautiful, for someone else's sake, not for your own sake. Hmm.
But alright, I'm starting to accept the facts. I'm starting to move on, trying to put a smile on my face, but it seems so fake. I hate being fake. I'm only me when I'm with him. But I guess this is reality, you love someone so much, and at one point, you just got to let go. Reality is a bitch. A real pain in the ass. Nevermind, time will heal me. But yeap, I'm not going to love anymore, couldn't care about it anymore. I just know, there's only one person I love, that I will wait for till eternity. I know it is stupid, but he was the best. He was just too special, too perfect. But, I also wish the best for him in everything.
Life goes on, yes. I will do the things that I have always wanted to do all these while. For a start, loose weight and go gothic. I want to be like that girl Abby on CSI. ZOMG, she has always made me amazed, she inspires me. Then, I'm going to make sure I own a scrambler bike, go for rally races. Owh, awesomeness. I would make people amazed by my appearance. Find a job I would love working in. Find my true self, cause he whom I love and can never stop loving, inspires me to see wonders ahead of me.
I can never hate him, in fact, I'm actually blessed to have had him in my life before, because of him, I'm changing, I have the courage to change. He made me want to look good, he made me want to dress like a girl, he made me want to loose weight, he made me see wonders of life. So, thank you, YOU. And because of him, I'm also blessed to have great friends. Because of him, I knew what love was, eventhough I know it's impossible to see it ever again, what I saw in his eyes, and the love I saw that his parents have for each other, Wow, I'm blessed.
Gee, I'm actually smiling while writing all these. The memories, makes me happy. The flashbacks, makes me happy. Yes, there are times when I would feel so sad, feel so unfair, but, reality check, that's life eh. We just got to be strong and face it.
Alright, tomorrow, my appointment with the psychologist is at 8.30 a.m. I'm scared to go, but I'm looking forward to finding out what it will be like. Like a friend said, sometimes, we would listen to a person who wears a white coat, who tells us things in a way that we can understand. Hope he would help me, and I hope by meeting this doctor, I would help myself :)
u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-
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