Crapping 101 #18 --> Update...

I'm so hurt.


Why does my life always revolve around the word W.A.I.T.?


I have been waiting my whole life, how long more must I wait? All I wanted was love and affection, happiness and joy. Is it too hard to just be able to feel all that? I'm tired, so tired of waiting.


Why can't people around me see right through me, feel me? Why?


I'm never going to give my heart out anymore, I'm never going to trust anymore, and this wall around my heart, will never be broken down again. This time, I'll control the game.


Anyway, so, Mr. Sunshine, oh dear, we haven't talked like we use to, since last Sunday night, and today is Sunday again. One week. It has made me loose my mind. Why is it that when a relationship just started, everything was so sweet and nice, then, it turn out to be weird. Hmm. He's married to his work, I know that. But, if he really did love me, takkan sekali oso cannot reply my text? But then, kesian him also, work so hard, day and night. And the worst part is, I don't know how is he, whether he eats properly, whether he calls his parents, whether he is really ok... Haih...I feel like shit not knowing anything about him. That suck.


Maybe I am selfish, wanting him to call me, to text me, to talk to me...But I just want security, I don't want this relationship to end, I want long term relationship. I don't care if he's not the one to be with me for eternity. But fuck, isn't it unfair, that God has always give me terrible relationship? Jealous siot tengok orang2 dapat bercinta dengan gembira. Haihh...


Nevermind, what goes, goes. What comes, comes. I guess since I signed up in this relationship, then I have to just deal with all the test God is giving me, suck it up like a soldier. After all, all these test, will only make me learn, will only make me grow, and will only make me stronger. I will just play the game and go with the flow.


Will things be better? Can it work out well?


What a little bird told me is true, I've been worrying so much about what will happen, when I should be worrying about now. Instead of thinking about myself, I should be thinking how is he doing over there.


I've been such a bad girlfriend. So selfish. Hmm. Alright, I'm gonna try cooling down, concentrate on life, concentrate on getting a new job, try to live a happy life instead of some depressed shit life, and give him the space he needs.


Anyway,


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-