Is it weird to be scared?
Yes, that's the line I want to start this blog with. Hmm.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going to grow old alone, die alone in my house, with my cats just being around me. Or are they going to leave me too?
Insecure is what I feel. Insecure of myself, insecure of life, insecure of love, insecure of everything. I feel so scared. Yeap, I had just too much bad experiences in life. Maybe to some other people, it's just a small thing, but to me, it's a big deal. For instance, love. When I love, I really love, I don't look at other man. But why can't these people I have loved before look at all that? Why can't they see me for who I am? Just like my family. Hmm.
The reason why I choose to love animals with all of my heart? Because they don't judge me. They accept me. I'm fat, I'm a mood swinger, I don't know what I want to be in life, but they don't care about all that. Because, they see through me, they don't judge me. They make me so happy. Everyone else just choose to judge me all the time, they don't see right through me.
Shit, occay, let's get back to my main topic. Yeah, maybe I'm a big coward who just pretend that I'm fine, I'm strong and that I have control. Maybe I like to be in control cause it's a distraction.
Urgh, shit, what am I crapping about? Is this it? Is this what being an adult is? This sick feelings I feel in my chest? If in that case, being an adult is full of crap.
Anyway, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...Oh, shit, I think I accidentally fell in love..Oh no, am I going to feel another heart breaking moments? Coz I'm really so sick and tired of it.. It seriously does hurt occay readers. Please, don't say love, if you don't love. Easy. Don't pretend, don't be a faker. I mean, it hurts so much, I think it's even worse that being hit by a fast track train. Eh, but for now, fine fine, they can say I'm having love-sick/angau, or whatever shit they wanna call it. So what? I am, just human being kan? God created love among us all.
Oh no, I really feel so sorry for you readers, coz I'm talking crap again. HaHaHa..
Eh, 30th November 2011, would be 1 month I've been dating him. Insecure, honestly, yeah, there's just insecurity in this relationship. Maybe coz it's too early. Eh, what rubbish am I talking, macam cari suami jer. LMFAO~ I think I'm just too complicated for anyone to even think of marrying me. He's too awesome, he's perfect to me..But yeah, who cares about all the other stuff, he makes my heart beat, he makes me feel alive again, he makes me feel the air rubbing against my skin, he is my sunshine, and I love him. ;P
Occay, I think right now, this very second, I don't even know if I'm awake or asleep. I have only slept for 2 hours. Blergh...I'm gonna take a shower and sleep..Oh I miss him so much..Yeay yeay, not including today, it's only 5 days more!!!I can't wait... :) As son as I see him at the airport, I'm gonna just hug him so hard, and kiss him soooo hard, like there's just two of us left in this world. Ngeee heee hee....
u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-
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