bullshitting 101~#80 - Miss is a feeling.

Miss.

That's what I'm feeling now.

I miss those chats I had with Mr. E, I miss those webcam sessions I have with him. I miss how he would make me laugh non-stop. I miss how cute he act while on webcam.

Why did we end up like this? Why do I feel the distance now? Would it make a difference if he had not forced me to tell him the truth, that I like you? Would it make a difference if I lied to him about the truth? Hmm.

Mr. E, why the hell did I have feelings for him? Why the hell did I like him? But this time, it doesn't hurt so much liking him and not getting the positive response I want from him. But each night, I still pray that he would open his heart for me to be in it. Hmm. I'd pray that he'd like me for me, for who I am, for my heart, for me being able to understand him and his job, not for other pathetic reasons. Would'nt it be a miracle if he suddenly tell me on the 15th Jan, 'Nathra, I like you so much, I was just testing you all these while'.... WOW. Sweeeeetttt...Haha..I think I would cry at that very second or most probably smile non-stop till he gets freaked out. LOL.

Weird lah. Why is it possible that when I like other guys and when I know it's negative, I can easily forget them. Why is it different with Mr. E? Why do I still pray and hope? Why do I feel like behind his words of 'Im a bad guy' I see good in him? Why why why? Urgh! Still can't be able to stop having questions in my life. LOL.

Well, see how far I went from the main topic. Haha. Occay, I miss him. I miss talking to him. I miss that once I actually felt close to him like he was my best friend, and that I can rely on him, I can tell him anything, I feel safe and comfortable with him. Haih. I guess, if time changes, days changes, week changes, month changes, year changes, what more, a person, he changed too, I changed to, you all changed too. Right? Hmm.

I'm going to end my post here, for now. Thank you for reading.

u kno u love me,

-x.o.x.o.-