Dear you,
Sometime I wonder, did you date me because you really did like me, or because you just wanted to use me. Sometimes I wonder, did you really mean everything you have said to me? Those text messages, those times on skype, those calls made...Did you mean it all? Most of all, I wonder, did you really mean it when you say that you love me, or did those words just did not mean anything and you did it just to satisfy me? I mean, seriously, to think about it, if a person really did love someone, they would do anything to save the relationship. They wont think about the future TOO SOON, cause we'll never know who we will end up marrying someday. Did you really mean it when you said 'why not' to my question of 'do you even want to marry me?' or was it that you were just too drunk?
I was so stupid right? To have not seen it all. You know what pisses me off the most, that 1st time we chill together, just you and I, on the hill, at the tokong, I asked why do you think about me. I thought you knew the inner me, the one that no one else know, not even my parents, you said people always use me. And geee, you did use me too. Right?
I just wanted a relationship out of you, not a promise of the future. Yes, I was madly deeply in love with you, that I wrote a lot of crap on my blog too. Maybe you did read my blog, or maybe your friends read it, and told you about it. It has a title called 'crapping101' for a reason you know...
Now, I wonder, when I whisper your name here, alone, can you hear it? When my heart cries longing for those moments of being in a relationship with you, those skypes, those text messages, etc., can you hear it cry? I wonder, when I miss you so badly, do you feel it too?
I'm not going crazy, I did not go crazy, I'd never go crazy for a guy. I'm starting to accept the fact that you choose to miss out on a huge deal, I don't loose anything, you're the one who's missing out something. But hey, nevermind. Break ups usually teaches me a lot, and I have known a lot about you from that. I don't wish for anything bad for you, but, I'd like to wish you best of luck in life. And remember, in future, don't break a girls heart. Maybe you have a plan of breaking all girls heart because of your past, or maybe you did not have intentions like that, but instead, you thought it would be alright, till you realize that I was falling deeply with you. Yes, I was falling deeply with you, but not as deep as you may have imagine. If I were to get hurt so bad, like you kept saying 'i dont want you to be hurt even worst later on', well, you're totally wrong, because, hey, I'm doing SO GREAT here. And next time, don't waste time. Alright? Imagine if someone did that to your sister, or your mother, wouldn't you kill those people who hurt them? If I had a brother, I think you'd be dead by now. HaHa. Luckily, I don't have brothers. Anyway, with or without you, life goes on no matter how shitty it would be. And heck, since you left, I don't even have a single scar on my hands, AWESOMENESS! HaHaHa.
But yes, I have to admit this, I do miss you, I do wish you'd just come back and be in a relationship with me, I do wish you'd miss me and love me still (ala, kan u said u'd always be there for me, and breaking up was not easy for you too, eventhough you seem to be doing SUPERFINE, HaHaHa), I do wish we were still together like normal.
Ahh, nevermind, nevermind...Life goes on with or without you in it. Plus, I never needed a man to make life happen anyways. Was single for a year plus, almost 2, before I met you anyways, was doing great only. Now, I will concentrate on loosing SO MUCH WEIGHT, and am going to try to be a model, and an awesome photographer. After all, my dreams is to work with National Geographic as a photographer and have a HUMMER before I die. So, I will concentrate on achieving that! :)
Hope you will take good care of your self, always remember what I have told you, that health comes 1st before work, don't smoke too much if you're drinking, always remember to call your parents. I wish you all the best in life.
P/S: Remember, I will, love you all my life, I will still hope that you'd come back, and that I will always be there for you no matter what. You can always count on me. Unless you're just using me. LOL~
*no hard feelings aite...
Anyways,
u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-
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