Today, 31st December 2010.
Felt empty inside. No one to go out with. No plans. No mood. Nothing new about the year, nothing new about me.
Suddenly, the feeling of missing someone, wishing we were still together came rushing in my heart and head. Ied. Yeap, Ied. I'm thinking about him. Thinking of how long we would have been as a couple if we didn't break up. Thinking of how much I woudnt miss him, if we were still together. Thinking of how I won't suffer till now, if we hadnt broken up. I miss him. Ied is my only exboyfriend whom I can't seem to forget. Why? Did he put some black magic on me? Or was he so special that I can't seem to get him out of my heart? Hmm. Till today, I still seem to have questions on my mind, and wishes and hopes that he would come back to me. I can't seem to find the right perfect guy to replace him. Wow, I can't believe I'm actually looking for a replacement, not someone new. He was too special.
I wonder if Mr. E could be special too, but heck, Mr E and Nathra, doesn't fit to be together, too much in common things, it would be like North magnet and another North magnet. But I think Mr. E and me can be best friends. Yeah, I can see that.
Oh, I'm still jobless. Therefore, facebook is always updated, blog is always updated, therefore this post is here. LOL.
OMG, still on my mind, Ied. Will I be able to find someone who can be as special as him? Wait, suddenly, I thought to myself, why am I so desperate to find a boyfriend? Yes, DESPERATE?!?! Am I lonely? Why do I want to feel love so badly? Isn't the love I have from my family is enough already? Or am I just scared to not get married before the world ends? Or is it peer pressure cause all my friends are married, getting married, or at least in a stable relationship?
"Arghh, what's with all these effing questions, Nathra??" I asked myself.
Aha, no answer to that one.
I turned away from the screen, looked at the clock hanging on my room wall, it shows 6.41pm. Damn. I'm gonna be alone tonight. Not being able to celebrate the coming of the new year, the additional year to my age, yeap, believe it or not, I'm gonna be 25. Wow. Even I can't believe it myself. Will I be matured enough? Will I change? Will I be able to answer the questions I have been asking myself all these while? Hah, there you go, haven't got an answer, but added more questions. Haih.
"Nathra, stop whining!" I told myself.
Wow, I'm starting to enjoy this post I'm writing. Haha. Love the style I'm writing. Oh damn, there I go again, praising myself, I'm just soooo into myself. Aha. Sometimes, I feel like Im so into myself, that I should be marrying my own self. Haha. Don't you think so?
Anyway, I hope 2011 will be a better year for me and my family. I hope our financial will be stable, I hope there won't be any family fights(damn, I'm sick of those). But hope what I will get a great job. Hope that I will be close to God and that I will change to be a better person. AND Quit Doshing!!Haha..
Pray for me aight, and wish me luck.
u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-
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