Crapping 101 #36 --> This post, full of crap...

Where should I start.....


Oh, how about how fucked up I feel...Aha..Yeap..Damn fucked up...Like 10 super fast train just going on me, crushing my bones, leaving me on the track, dead.


Life. Love. All that, seems to be crap when it comes to me. Nice, sweet, beautiful, great, it can never last. It always ends up ugly. But why do I feel this time, it will be beautiful? Or is that just some stupid instinct I should not trust? Why do I feel like I will end up with you? Damn. It's so difficult. Dreaming about you almost every night. FUCK! But, pity you also, to end up with a person as fucked up and damaged as me. Hmm...


I envy you. I envy your life, your parents, I envy it all. I wish I were you. I wish they were mine. Haihh...I thought I only fell in love with the son, but, apparently, I'm in love with the parents too. Daymn...


ARGH. Can I please go into a coma now and loose my memories? I don't want a single memory, because all of it was just pain. Happy memories? That too, it never lasted anyway. So, why think about it? It will only cause pain.


PAIN PAIN PAIN!! That is what Nathra's life is all about.


This is it. I still want to work in Jakarta. I want to go there, and live life there. Fuck everything else. I wanna be a gothic chick. Thick eyeliners, skinny body, fishnets, short skirts, CONVERSE, dark black hair with only few strands of shocking pink highlights, don't give a damn about anything anymore, being emo and dark all the time, hate people, hate everything...I wanna be that. LOL. Yeap. I will get a job in Jakarta. It seems like a cool place to start my new life. WOOT WOOT.


Anyway,


u kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-