That is what I am going through now, I think. I feel, fighting my point, fighting my case, so just I would get him back is just so bloody important. I never thought I could love a human being as much as I love my baby Arrow, well, heck, I love this man so much, I'd do anything. Yeap, that's how much I fucking love you occay (if you read this!!)
It was nice to be able to talk to him the other day. Even though it ended up with him telling me to go do research. HaHaHa. AND I DID!! The answers I found, wow, miracles. Now, I need to talk to him again. If I'm a lawyer, I would definitely win this! HaHaHa.
I see a future with him. And I want him to be in my future. I need him to be committed. Can he be committed? Will he be committed in a relationship? HmMmMm. Well, I did get answers from him, and I hope he was not lying about it. I asked if he love me and if he even wants to be married to such a damaged and messed up person like me. I wonder what is on his mind. For the first time in my life, I could not read a guy. Usually, it was so easy to read men. This one here, this man here, damn, if I could just shrink myself and get into his brains.... What is he thinking? He makes me feel that he's confused and on top of that, he makes me confuse. LMFAO~
It's fucking weird.
I also thought about the question my sister asked me, "Are you desperate?" At that time, when she asked, I said I don't know if I am desperate or not. But now, after a week plus, I found the answer. I am not. Because, I can live without him. I can move on without him. But, I choose not to. All these while, I have never met anyone who can lift me up from being down, who puts a smile on my face no matter how shitty I feel on that day, who brings out the confidence in me, who makes me think like a grown up, who made the real me appear and make me feel so real. I am not talking all these because I am blinded by love. But I am saying all these because of deep thinking. I know what I want now. I know what I'm fighting for. I know of what I will be facing with. Hey, after all, isn't life a ride of rollercoaster? Life is a challenge, and I'm willing to face it.
See, when Nathra has set her eyes on something, a target, she can never let go. She will fight mati matian for it. HaHaHa. Yeap, I'm not a quitter, and I don't give up easily. Mulut jer boleh cakap give up, but I just won't. Determination. And yes, like he said, I am a pusher, and I am hard headed as shiet load, damn keras kepala, damn degil. But that is because, like I said, when I want something, I will get it.
Anyway, now, I wish he would talk to me. Cause, somehow, I feel like he's avoiding me. Hmmm... But hey, I don't know. After all, Nathra always think of negative before positive. HaHaHa. Can't help it.
Alright. Enough with all these crap now.
Anyway.
U kno u love me,
-x.o.x.o.-
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