in pain and left in pain...

i woke up this morning, with a terrible pain in me, lower part from the chest, terrible terrible pain..i woke up from sleep, not a peaceful sleep, its a freaking scary sleep, but awesome dream, but scary sleep...u understand?hmm..i presume u dont...neway, im in pain right, and i still had to go for my best friends marriage, been running around the whole day, then my head started to feel like my brains were loose...like when i walk, i can feel a terrible vibration in my head, yeah,picture that!!when i sit, i get up gosh the pain comes attacking me like worldwar2 man!!arghh...till now, its 10pm now, i just got back from a wedding, i told my dad that i wanna go to the doctor, he said ask mum about it, so i asked mum, and she said 'u go doctor also what the doctor can do?take medicine onlyyyy'....damn...so yeah, my parents rather loose me than bringing me to the doctor right??so if i die, then only they will realize that im in fucking pain right??? like hellooooo, im the one suffering, of course u dont care right??!!arghhh....

are your parents like that too?

my boyfriend forced me to go to the doctor, now i know why i didnt wanna tell my parents that i wanna go to the doctor, coz telling them, and they saying no, it makes my pain even worse!!bloody hell!!!arghhh...

pern, nix, if i die, show them this post, show my parents this post, tell them, that my body has been disfunctioning alot, and they didnt even care!!!

2 in 1

if a person claims that he or she loves u,
and at the same time, he or she dont have a phone,
dont u think he or she shud try no matter how, to call u?
hurmpp...
maybe he did ran outta love too......

newayz,
this new guy,shariff,he's great...he's just sooo cute..arghh..somehow, he makes me feel like i wanna be a better person, live a greater live, carry on living without hating it, be a real girl(finally)...i mean, seriously, im like, starting to think of 'oh man,what am i gonna wear today?', and ive been singing songs like 'allllways look at the brighttttt side of life'....hahahahaha...omg,im changing...huhu...glad..oh,but imagine me changing, but last time,i always break up with the person when i start to feel that the person ask me to change.hahahaha....wow...WOW...seriously,WOW!!!

oh crap!!

HOLY CRAPPP!!!!

iedrus is back...

and im,FUCKED!!!

DARN DAMN!!!

NEWSFLASH: NEW BF!!!

so,i met this new guy on facebook,he's nice,he's sweet,he cares about me,he didnt just left me shut for 7months then suddenly one day text me and the other day shut again(arghhh)...well,i like him too,at that time laa,now,i love him..bit by bit,and it will be soo much soon...
his name is sharif,he's..ermm...he's arghhh sooo sweet...hehe..he's a photographer/musician..he's smart..he definately can speak english...his lips are sooooooo soft(hehehe),yeap,went out with him today,kissed for the 1st time..ohh,and now,im just stillllll feel like im in lala land....hmmm...that feeling,of his soft lips,on mine,ohhh,i just cant forget...
ok,that's the latest news for now..hehe..before i get too in detail and make everyone puke..hahaha...
yeap..that's about it...btw,i just found out today,that he's a shy guy...when meeting girls..haha..cute...arghhh....kufumaufaurofogolfoldifiafa(nix,u know what im saying..haha..)

p/s: what happens to iedrus?hmm...letting him go,i guess...coz,now i think,he actually left me,that day he stopped calling me..and 7months?gosh,that's a pretty long time..that i aint sure bout my feelings anymore..and,i think,by the way he sounded that day,i pretty much sure,he kindda lost that feeling too...hurmpp...

-xoxo-

Miracle Day...

ZOMG...

Today: Miracle Day

I woke up at 2.30pm today, and as usual, as i wake up, the 1st thing i do is to check my phone(hehehe)...So i saw that i got a message, i viewed message and i got shocked, and my eyes just open widely...I didnt expect it at all...I got a message from someone that i have just been waiting for 7months...

Yes, Iedrus text me..he said 'hai syg...' and i just didnt even believe that it was him, plus i just woke up see, i really thought i was dreaming..So i text his brother and i called cik Natelppa..

To cut the story short, Iedrus told me to call him if i dont believe it, and cik Natelppa gave me the courage to call him..And i asked him 3question to make sure it was him and he answered straight without even a pause:
Question 1: "Dulu Iedrus slalu minum air kotak apa?"
He answered: "STRAWBERRYYYYYYYY" and he sounded so cute saying it..haha..
Question 2: "1st time i kuar ngan Iedrus, kita lepak dalam kereta kat mana?"
He answered: "Bangsar"
Question 3: "1st time i kuar ngan Iedrus, dia pakai baju apa?"
He answered: "Hijau"
And i was pretty damn sure that it was him...Haha...

Well, he's still in sabah, going crazy not knowing when he's gonna come back..Haha..

And he's not feeling well, he's sick, and he misses me and he loves me...And all this, just made my day...Eventhough dad scolded me just now, i was justttttt happy in my head..hahahaha...

Wow, finally after waiting for 7months, finally...hmm...Now i just can't wait for him to come back, i just wanna hug him tight...

XOXO~

father's love...

IMAGINE...

true story

once,she were so close to her father..she look up to him more than anything..he's her goddess,he's her life,he's everything to her..till one day,this thing that humans are so greedy of, that i seem to hate so much,that is called money,spoilt their relationship..her father became more to him self..her father lost his job..her father is not young anymore,and her father has to supply food and shelter for her n her family..so,slowly,time passes by,she dont really bond with her father anymore,and that relationship that was once special,has turned sour,dull,not knowing each other anymore.......

then suddenly,her life seem to turn upside down, everything is just bad luck,all she gives is nothing but trouble...and one day,when her dad was just relaxing,she went to hug him...and he didnt hug her back...but he said 'aahhh, after you cry'...its like chasing her away...so she just left.

then she started questioning herself, does her father still loves her?does her father still see her as that special one?does her father hate her??all these question...and tears just began to flow,on her skin,on her cheeks,and it became cold as the aircond blows the air..and everything just doesnt matter anymore now...coz they hate her...

see how some of u are still lucky that u have a father, and that u have a father who loves u, a father who cares for u...when was the last time u say that magical word to ur father?that 3 word "i love u"??when was the last time u hugged ur father?

coz God is great..and u wont know when will be the last time u ever see your father...dont be afraid, dont be ashamed,instead, be proud, feel proud and tell ur father that u love him,and hug him...coz,he might be gone,anytime,anysecond now,maybe in the next one minute,the next hour,the next day,the next week?

think about it readers...

mothers...

mother, mummy, mama, ibu, amma, ummi

mother's day..

how sure you are, when you say "happy mother's day" to your mother?
how sure you are, when you say "i love you mom" to her?
how sure are you, that you love her? that you really love her?

think about it...

what if, u had a mom who is just so hard to live with, to cope with, to breathe with...
what if, u had a mom who is just so controlling over your life, your sister's life, your brother's life?
what if, u had a mom who don't even care about u, your sister, your brother?

true story:
there's this mom, who wouldn't answer her phone, on mother's day, call from her own blood, her 25 year old daughter, who's living in another country-->why? because she didn't agree to go to that another country to get that man her mother wants her daughter to get married to+she wants too...due to work, money and time...

so, how many of you have a mother, who gives you the freedom to make your own decision, to make a choice of your life, understand bout your feelings, a mother who may be angry at you but still have the heart to answer your call on mother's day?

but yet, you complain about your mother?
yet, you say your mother is full of crap?
but that girl, still loves her mom, still go through it even if she can't take it anymore...

think about it...

mothers........

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...

well,this song explains it all..it is so true..and this song represents me best!!well, for those of u interested in this song, you can find it, in youtube, cyndi lauper-girls just wanna have fun..hope u enjoy the song..its from the 80s...and yes,i am very oldschool..so what??huhu..just enjoy k coz, GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun...

sentence of the post

1) kalau nak tikam, tikam habis-habisan

2) kalau nak sayang, sayang habis-habisan

3) kalau nak menipu, biarlah kamu jadi pro dulu

amazingly...

amazingly, as some of u know, i waited 7months for iedrus...
amazingly, since ive known him in my life, i dont easily love a person anymore...
amazingly, iedrus is the only one i want...
amazingly, i am so amazed with my self...
amazingly, he's that special guy that no one can beat...
amazingly, i feel so tied up to him...
amazingly, im feeling scared waiting for him...
amazingly, im really scared the shit outta my self, just waiting for him...
amazingly, amazing...

ikut suka hati

omg..its 1st may...its may already...mayyyyyyyyyy.....

iedrus is suppose to come back this month..i wonder what will happen...everything is gonna change...everything...

i miss him..but im actually damn scared..actually, im pretty damn scared of alot of shit that is happening to me right now..hmm..i wonder how will all this end..

i use to think that 'life is just a game,so i shud play it well' but i guess,i screwed up actually...hmm..

oh yeah, have u people ever had a fren who was so hard to talk to?dia ske ikut kepala dia je..dia buat2 takde hal, tapi kebenarannye,dia mmg ada hal..pukimak sial orang camtu..eeee...ko jangan satu hari,aku hilang sabar,sepak terajang je muka bangang ko tu!!ish ish...kalau la ko tahu semua ni...wkakakakakakaka....bodo!!

word of the post:
-ungrateful bitch, go screw ur self!!-

ohhhh,takut takut takut...iedrus nak balik...hmm...

sudahlah...

penat...

the swearing post!!

tonight,im just here,sitting alone,using my sister's lappie,at my sister's place,well,i feel so much hatred in me..i feel like i hate someone close to me..for sooo many reasons...damn sick and tired of this person's stupid fake acting..u r one hell of a fucking good actor la ha?god damn it!!buat tambah dosa aku je la ko ni!!

neway, i feel that i dont deserve to be breathing in this world..ive been failing all my life..im a big time failure..i never score something..and now,even worse,im having this huge fucking dilemma, need to tell my parents that i failed,again,but this time,no otp or wat so ever shit..

by the way, to all u ppl who kononnye say that i shudnt give up studying,just carry on studying, and shit like that,or even saying u understand wat im going through but the fact that u actually dont,go fuck urself,also to u people who have thoughts like 'maybe nathra is lazy',well im not lazy,i have issues with the education shit coz i aint interested in studying,so again,go fuck ur fucking self u fucking people!!seriously!!coz if u really understand n feel what im going through,then u will know how fucking shitty i feel!!so far,only 2frens of mine understand,coz they went through it,nix and nathia...this problem im facing,is actually something really weird,its a weird disease...have u ever,have a task to be done,u wanna do it,but when u sit n concentrate to do it,u just loose it,u cant do it,and the next thing u think is 'i rather die' and u feel like the world is coming to an end...thats what i went through,therefore,i failed marker rendering fucking stupid class...

see,my problem here is that,in my mind,"i dont fucking knoe why i have to fucking study when i dont even wanna work after studying,and i wanna be a professional photographer n have my own studio,not some stupid advertising design person"...this is what in other people's mind's,"studying is important,having a career is important"...this is what my so called parents who wont try to be in my shoes understand,"studying is important,career is important,having a great job is good for your future,money is everything these days"....well one thing i wanna say,"WELL U FUCKING PEOPLE,TRY BEING IN MY FUCKING SHOE FOR ONE DAY,U WONT EVEN LAST!!"

im sorrie for all the swearing used in this post, to those of u who has no connection with me but so happen reads my blog...but those of u who knows who u fucking people are,remember,go fuck ur self!!and only i knoe who u r...opps,unless u terasa la..sape makan cili,terasa la kepedasannye kan...dont bother calling me and kononnye pretending that u care about me la ok,or just to ask me if u r the one im talking bout,those many many people,coz i will always pretend that im nice...

i wish, i was unborn..

i wish, i wasnt this useless,

i wish, i was that perfect person u wanted me to be...

mom dad, im sorrie to say,

u have a loser daughter who happens to be a big failure!!

and so happen,

she feels that she hates u,

but till today,

she wonders, that if she hates u,

y doesnt she have the guts to fucking leave u,

or to fucking die...

im sorrie i have to be this BIG DISAPPOINTMENT in ur lives...

wish my parents cud knoe how i truly feels...

and wish i have the guts to tell them everything...from A to Z...

-ended with tears-