so,im writing again...
where are you ied?
i missed you..
why are we being separated by the sea?
why do we need to go through this hard time?
why do i have to suffer?i always suffer..
im tired of suffering..
im tired of waiting..
but,im still gonna try to put my head up high,and wait....
i know,u will call me soon...
that's a strong feeling...u will call me soon...
real soon........
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
i wanna be an actress..
i love fame!!
i love fame!!
i love fame!!
i love fame!!
i love fame!!
shouting out to all readers..
whoever who know anyone/any agency that's looking for an actress,let me know!!
im too addicted to fame!!hahaha...
i love fame!!
i love fame!!
i love fame!!
i love fame!!
shouting out to all readers..
whoever who know anyone/any agency that's looking for an actress,let me know!!
im too addicted to fame!!hahaha...
Monday, October 27, 2008
dear anonymous...
well,my post,titled "waiting" has been commented by an anonymous..
well,dear anonymous,well,waiting hurts..but if u like a person,u shud tell the person,coz if i were u,i wud go to that person,and let him/her know how i feel about him/her...
and if that person already know,but maybe for unwanted reasons he/her couldnt be with u,and u know that there's no way u gonna be with that person,then straight to ur face im telling u,THERE IS SUCH WORD IN THIS WORLD AS "MOVE ON".....sorrie to be harsh...
see,for my case,i am already in a relationship,and im worried of his wellbeing...coz we r separated by the sea...so,its very difficult..
try imagining urself,having a loved one(which u r in relationship with!),being god knows how far away from u,and u havent seen him/her in 3weeks and in the next 7months,and u havent heard from him/her in 2weeks since he/her landed in that place,and u dont know if u r gonna hear from him/her in the next 7months...
now,picture that....
but anyways,thank you for reading and putting down ur thoughts on my blog,i highly appreciate it...
well,dear anonymous,well,waiting hurts..but if u like a person,u shud tell the person,coz if i were u,i wud go to that person,and let him/her know how i feel about him/her...
and if that person already know,but maybe for unwanted reasons he/her couldnt be with u,and u know that there's no way u gonna be with that person,then straight to ur face im telling u,THERE IS SUCH WORD IN THIS WORLD AS "MOVE ON".....sorrie to be harsh...
see,for my case,i am already in a relationship,and im worried of his wellbeing...coz we r separated by the sea...so,its very difficult..
try imagining urself,having a loved one(which u r in relationship with!),being god knows how far away from u,and u havent seen him/her in 3weeks and in the next 7months,and u havent heard from him/her in 2weeks since he/her landed in that place,and u dont know if u r gonna hear from him/her in the next 7months...
now,picture that....
but anyways,thank you for reading and putting down ur thoughts on my blog,i highly appreciate it...
Sunday, October 26, 2008
waiting...
waiting...
ive been waiting..
its getting too long now..
but im still waiting...
i hate waiting...
coz waiting makes me loose my mind..
my mind changes into negative thoughts if waited too long..
call me..dont make me wait..
how long more shud i wait?
if only u wud understand this..
if only u cud feel what im going through..
if only u knew how waiting feels like...
ive been waiting..
its getting too long now..
but im still waiting...
i hate waiting...
coz waiting makes me loose my mind..
my mind changes into negative thoughts if waited too long..
call me..dont make me wait..
how long more shud i wait?
if only u wud understand this..
if only u cud feel what im going through..
if only u knew how waiting feels like...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
its been 3 weeks since i last saw u...
its been 2 weeks since i last heard from u..
negative thoughts are coming soon..
when am i gonna hear from u?
when will 7months come?
when can i wake up n feel happy knowing that u r near to me?
when can i see u again?
when can i get rid of the negative thoughts that r coming in my head?
why am i like this?
why am i too in love with u?
why cant i take it easy?
why why why?
ARGHHHHH
ARGHHHHHH
ARGHHHHHHH
ARGHHHHHHHH
BID MY BLOOD TO RUN,
BEFORE I COME UNDONE,
SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING I'VE BECOME...
(erkk,tetibe je ada lagu evanesence ni asal ek?)
its been 2 weeks since i last heard from u..
negative thoughts are coming soon..
when am i gonna hear from u?
when will 7months come?
when can i wake up n feel happy knowing that u r near to me?
when can i see u again?
when can i get rid of the negative thoughts that r coming in my head?
why am i like this?
why am i too in love with u?
why cant i take it easy?
why why why?
ARGHHHHH
ARGHHHHHH
ARGHHHHHHH
ARGHHHHHHHH
BID MY BLOOD TO RUN,
BEFORE I COME UNDONE,
SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING I'VE BECOME...
(erkk,tetibe je ada lagu evanesence ni asal ek?)
dreams...
2 bad dreams...one involving pern..which i was at pern's with my car and also my new bike that dad bought me(in the dream laa) which looks the same as iedrus's bike,same colour,same number plat...then bla bla bla...cut the story la..haa,me n pern was in my car,in the jam,it was raining slightly,and my car kindda skidded..ishh,hard to explain la..but it wasnt my mistake,it was the car,it has a life,and it wanted to do bad to me...so freaky!!!the other involving iedrus..i dream that the snake bit him and he died..so sadddddd......so scary..nightmare..arghh..another thing im curious about,y do i always have dreams that involves snakes?gosh..is that bad?is it dangerous?does that mean bad luck?arghh...confusing laa...
understand
I Know What It's Like To Want To Die, How You Try To Fit In But You Cant, How You Hurt Yourself On The Outside To Try To Kill The Thing On The Inside.
Monday, October 20, 2008
22 and still,life has no meaning..
take my life away,
i don't want to be here,
i have everything,
but yet,am not happy.
why?i questioned myself,
i feel unhappy,
i feel down,
i feel like i want to end it,
end my life that doesnt mean anything to me,
take me away,
far from my own life,
bring me away,
where i could mean my laughter,
make me disappear,
make me go away...
-written on 24sept08-
i don't want to be here,
i have everything,
but yet,am not happy.
why?i questioned myself,
i feel unhappy,
i feel down,
i feel like i want to end it,
end my life that doesnt mean anything to me,
take me away,
far from my own life,
bring me away,
where i could mean my laughter,
make me disappear,
make me go away...
-written on 24sept08-
MUNGKIN,kan?
mungkin, kalau aku bawa diri,semua akan gembira,kan?
mungkin,kalau aku pergi jauh,mum & dad akan sedar,kan?
mungkin,kalau aku takde,orang takkan tau pun,kan?
mungkin,kalau aku mati,mereka bahagia,kan?
mungkin,aku tak bermaksud apa-apa pada keluarga,kan?
mungkin,pada diaorang,aku cuma patung boneka,kan?
mungkin,aku memang menyusahkan diaorang,kan?
mungkin,aku memang mengada-ada & rosak,kan?
mungkin,aku memang bodoh,kan?
mungkin,mum memang maksudkan apa yang dia kata,kan?
mungkin,aku memang tak wujud,kan?
mungkin,aku patut bawa diri,kan?
mungkin,aku patut mati,kan?
MUNGKIN,SEMUANYA BETUL!
MUNGKIN JUGA AKU BUKAN ANAK MEREKA....
-written on 5th october 2008-
mungkin,kalau aku pergi jauh,mum & dad akan sedar,kan?
mungkin,kalau aku takde,orang takkan tau pun,kan?
mungkin,kalau aku mati,mereka bahagia,kan?
mungkin,aku tak bermaksud apa-apa pada keluarga,kan?
mungkin,pada diaorang,aku cuma patung boneka,kan?
mungkin,aku memang menyusahkan diaorang,kan?
mungkin,aku memang mengada-ada & rosak,kan?
mungkin,aku memang bodoh,kan?
mungkin,mum memang maksudkan apa yang dia kata,kan?
mungkin,aku memang tak wujud,kan?
mungkin,aku patut bawa diri,kan?
mungkin,aku patut mati,kan?
MUNGKIN,SEMUANYA BETUL!
MUNGKIN JUGA AKU BUKAN ANAK MEREKA....
-written on 5th october 2008-
Hari ini dan Esok
Hari ini,
ku telah berputus asa,
ku ingin pergi jauh,
membawa diri,
ke dunia lain.
Hari ini,
ku sedar,bahawa ku tidak berguna,
aku ingin bersendirian,
jauh dari keluargaku,
ku sedar,ku tidak layak,
untuk dipanggil manusia.
Esok,
aku akan berjauhan,
aku akan bersendirian,
menempuhi hidup tanpa keluarga,
di duniaku sendiri.
Esok,
akanku mati dengan bangga,
atas keputusanku,
walau dihina dan dicaci,
ku tetap akan bangga,
kerna ku bisa membuat keputusanku sendiri.
-wrote on 5th October 2008-
ku telah berputus asa,
ku ingin pergi jauh,
membawa diri,
ke dunia lain.
Hari ini,
ku sedar,bahawa ku tidak berguna,
aku ingin bersendirian,
jauh dari keluargaku,
ku sedar,ku tidak layak,
untuk dipanggil manusia.
Esok,
aku akan berjauhan,
aku akan bersendirian,
menempuhi hidup tanpa keluarga,
di duniaku sendiri.
Esok,
akanku mati dengan bangga,
atas keputusanku,
walau dihina dan dicaci,
ku tetap akan bangga,
kerna ku bisa membuat keputusanku sendiri.
-wrote on 5th October 2008-
cinta...
ketika kamu sibuk berlatih,
ku disini mengingatimu.
ketika kamu sibuk bercakap,
ku disini bercakap tentang kamu.
ketika kamu sakit,
ku disini merasai kesakitanmu.
dan ketika kamu sedang tidur,
ku disini membelaimu.
apabila kamu menyedari,
masa 7bulan berlalu pantas,
ku disini merasai seperti 7tahun menantimu,
sentiasa kamu dihatiku,
ku merinduimu, ku mencintaimu,
dan ku ingin kau tahu,
ku sentiasa di dalam hatimu,milikmu..
kerna akulah,
aku..
yang tetap mencintaimu,
walau dunia terbahagi dua,
kau tetap dihatiku...
cinta....
mix stuff....
i figured out something...well..maybe..im too extream lazy..to do anything..maybe the two years spent doing nothing at home,has made my brains and body lazy..extreamly lazy...i just like sitting doing nothing..or hanging out with frens..coz i love laughing...and i also found out that i like doing my own art..its more like expressing what's in myself...hmm...owh..nix n pern..i miss those days going back with u guys on d bus n lrt..we use to laugh like there's nobody around us..n wen people look at us,we just laugh tercekik sbb kena tahan gelak..hahaha....owh man...i miss year 1...hmm...TOA made us suffer...well...maybe just me..i dont knoe how evry human that goes to TOA can cope up laa...ishh....gila aku jdnye..maybe by d time i graduate,im gonna enroll into d asylum..haha...owhh...bored bored bored...hmmm....dunno wat else to say...but..i think,these days,im a lil happier..as in work wise..i try to think that its 4 my own good..and nvm to suffer,as long as others dont suffer seing me not doing anything in my life...and..im sad also,coz i miss iedrus so much...its been 2weeks not seeing him..and 1week havent heard any news for him coz he cannot bring his hp...and he's stuck in d jungle someplace in Sabah..aiyoo..hmm...its ok...he'll be back in 7months..and i think,i have a mission...to loose weight in 7months...and ive been thinking,when he meet me in KLIA,will he notice me or he wont know who i am..hehehe...well...good luck to me on my mission..hope u guys will support me!and hopefully i can tahan my nafsu for food..hahaha....
Thursday, October 16, 2008
feelings??
happiness..what is happiness?
sadness..what is sadness?
anger..what is anger?
love..what is love?
devastated..what is devastated?
shocked..what is shocked??
and so on...
feelings...owh feelings...have u ever felt a kindda feeling,that u cudnt explain..its like all in one...and ur body tingles to it...blood rushes in u..heart feels weird..hmm..i have..and have u ever feel sad most of the time,but goes around faking up ur own feelings to hide the feelings out?i have...have u ever felt like the world hates u?i have...well...d best thing that explains me,myself and i...the song sang by simple plan-welcome to my life...hmm...
sadness..what is sadness?
anger..what is anger?
love..what is love?
devastated..what is devastated?
shocked..what is shocked??
and so on...
feelings...owh feelings...have u ever felt a kindda feeling,that u cudnt explain..its like all in one...and ur body tingles to it...blood rushes in u..heart feels weird..hmm..i have..and have u ever feel sad most of the time,but goes around faking up ur own feelings to hide the feelings out?i have...have u ever felt like the world hates u?i have...well...d best thing that explains me,myself and i...the song sang by simple plan-welcome to my life...hmm...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
huh?
so yeah..he left..but...he didnt leave for good la...he is undergoing training in sabah at this very moment...3months in sabah...then 3months dunno where(but hopefully in kajang)...then 1month back in sabah for d final training..and...he's now actually a sub-inspector...after training,he will naik pangkat to inspector..then dunno when la,he's gonna enter those polis academy n naik pangkat to chief inspector..then kawin with me..hahahaha...
now,its been few days since i last saw him..actually,1week to be exact..and its gonna be for 7months more..unless he gets to be in kajang la..but if not,7months..and i have asked so so so many people this question,"7months is not long right?"....just to be assured...hmm...
actually,im so sad....plus we just met...but hey,i forgot to mention,we have so many common things...its like 'bagai pinang dibelah dua' r weii..hehe...i miss him laaa...arghh....kan best kalau 7bulan tu sama dengan 7hari/7minggu je....hmmm....
but neway,life,is pretty messed up..my works are last minutes...my energy has gone away with the wind..my mind,often flyz away...and wen im driving,i only think of either CRASHING INTO D TOLL'S WALL or IEDRUS(dlguy)...and wen at home,i lock myself up in my room...my mind,gone with the wind...i wish i cud not be who i am today...and i really really wished,i had parents/family members who understands me better..who can actually see n feel what im going through...who can actually,be in d same shoe as mine..
and ive gave up...on studying..on living...i gave up on everything...all i have in my life at this moment is,my babies......every humanbeing has gone away from me..drifted away..even iedrus..but iedrus case is acceptable,he needs his training..hehe...but everyone else...mum?dad?tasha?nadia?fazli?pern?nix?i needed u guys.....i need u guys badly...but,where r u?
can i just float away and vanish into thin air?can i fall from earth into the space n disappear?can i cut my self so deep n alot,that there wont be any skin left for me to cut?can i punch the wall so hard that it breaks?can i hang myself off klcc tower?can i crash my car,into the toll's wall..and if i do,will i be flying through the air b4 i die?can i be assassinated?can i be murdered?
will i be missed?will i be remembered?will i be forgotten?
now,its been few days since i last saw him..actually,1week to be exact..and its gonna be for 7months more..unless he gets to be in kajang la..but if not,7months..and i have asked so so so many people this question,"7months is not long right?"....just to be assured...hmm...
actually,im so sad....plus we just met...but hey,i forgot to mention,we have so many common things...its like 'bagai pinang dibelah dua' r weii..hehe...i miss him laaa...arghh....kan best kalau 7bulan tu sama dengan 7hari/7minggu je....hmmm....
but neway,life,is pretty messed up..my works are last minutes...my energy has gone away with the wind..my mind,often flyz away...and wen im driving,i only think of either CRASHING INTO D TOLL'S WALL or IEDRUS(dlguy)...and wen at home,i lock myself up in my room...my mind,gone with the wind...i wish i cud not be who i am today...and i really really wished,i had parents/family members who understands me better..who can actually see n feel what im going through...who can actually,be in d same shoe as mine..
and ive gave up...on studying..on living...i gave up on everything...all i have in my life at this moment is,my babies......every humanbeing has gone away from me..drifted away..even iedrus..but iedrus case is acceptable,he needs his training..hehe...but everyone else...mum?dad?tasha?nadia?fazli?pern?nix?i needed u guys.....i need u guys badly...but,where r u?
can i just float away and vanish into thin air?can i fall from earth into the space n disappear?can i cut my self so deep n alot,that there wont be any skin left for me to cut?can i punch the wall so hard that it breaks?can i hang myself off klcc tower?can i crash my car,into the toll's wall..and if i do,will i be flying through the air b4 i die?can i be assassinated?can i be murdered?
will i be missed?will i be remembered?will i be forgotten?
Thursday, October 09, 2008
finally,its about time!!
finally,after pern passed the letter n kept pushing him 4 d number,he asked 4 my number..omg..and he started by just miscalling me..and then messaging..thnx to d technology,or else,i'll be stuck with zaman batu nye surat menyurat..haha...now,dlguy,is my boyfriend..haha...PERN,BANYAK BANYAK TERIMA KASIH YAA!!!hehe...u'll be top1 on my wedding guest list!!hehe...
so ya,at 1st i have 2boyfriends,but then,i ended things with zul..coz i didnt have feelings 4 him,and i figured out y i shud not keep him to myself..but ya,i were happy,zul was dissapointed..hmm..nvmla...life moves on...but ya,dlguy,he treats me like a princess..huhu..but.......im so so super sad now...he left today morning...and i wont meet him till after 7months..hmm...he's leaving 4 sabah,4 training..and i keep telling myself,7months is not long..is very fast...ya?hmm...
dlguy,he's an inspector..and his goal is to keep getting promotion..and to marry me..huhu...owh man,love was so gud..finally...hehe...neway,i've been thinking..when he comes back after 7months,i wanna go pick him up at klia...and,i think i will just stop n stare when i c him..tergamam kejap kot..hehe...then run n hug him..u know,like in those movies..hehehe...but now,i just cant wait 4 that moment...coz,not onli i wont c him 4 7months,but no calling also..he only can call me on satdays n sundays..psycho r....baru kawin da kena macam ni..aiyoyo...gila la aku...btw,i met his sister at his house..hahahaha....his sister mcm scary r..garang je muke..eeee..seram...neway...im glad that i have someone who loves me n i love him too...
XOXO
so ya,at 1st i have 2boyfriends,but then,i ended things with zul..coz i didnt have feelings 4 him,and i figured out y i shud not keep him to myself..but ya,i were happy,zul was dissapointed..hmm..nvmla...life moves on...but ya,dlguy,he treats me like a princess..huhu..but.......im so so super sad now...he left today morning...and i wont meet him till after 7months..hmm...he's leaving 4 sabah,4 training..and i keep telling myself,7months is not long..is very fast...ya?hmm...
dlguy,he's an inspector..and his goal is to keep getting promotion..and to marry me..huhu...owh man,love was so gud..finally...hehe...neway,i've been thinking..when he comes back after 7months,i wanna go pick him up at klia...and,i think i will just stop n stare when i c him..tergamam kejap kot..hehe...then run n hug him..u know,like in those movies..hehehe...but now,i just cant wait 4 that moment...coz,not onli i wont c him 4 7months,but no calling also..he only can call me on satdays n sundays..psycho r....baru kawin da kena macam ni..aiyoyo...gila la aku...btw,i met his sister at his house..hahahaha....his sister mcm scary r..garang je muke..eeee..seram...neway...im glad that i have someone who loves me n i love him too...
XOXO
Thursday, September 25, 2008
why ya?
i have everything..i got a family,my babies,my best frens(pern n nix),my car,my new laptop,my ipod,my bf,basically,EVERYTHING...but....why am i still unhappy?why am i feeling like its not what im hoping for?why am i feeling like i want something else?hmmm...
Pern passed the letter to DL...
OMG OMG OMG....
PERN passed the letter to DLGUY...waaa...so scared...wat will d reply be ya?hopefully positive!!!arghhhhhhhhhhh................
PERN passed the letter to DLGUY...waaa...so scared...wat will d reply be ya?hopefully positive!!!arghhhhhhhhhhh................
Thursday, September 18, 2008
i miss him...
can i get married?hmm...stupid question...but,ya,i wanna get married...its not because of sex...but,its because i wanna live with him,sleep with him,sit n watch tv with him,see him everyday,breath the same air with him,share the same bed,do everything with him...well,most of u might say 'cheh,not getting married oso can do maaa'...yes...so true..but...try having a parents who dont want/dont let u have a bf eventhough u r 22years old..and when u wanna go out with him,having ur chest being so pain,u have to lie to ur parents about ur whereabouts...hmmm...sad ya...so...yeah...OH MAMA SAYA MAHU KAWIN,OH MAMA SAYA MAHU KAWIN...LALALALA....
-bye-
-bye-
lappie lappie toppie...
uh la la....so happie...my new toy...aaaa...yeay...tasha promised me my 'june' birthday present will be a laptop,just delayed,but yeay,now i got it...this is the best birthday present ever!!!thanks alot sista!!!!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
DLGUY..moving out!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!!red alert!!!
i have been hanging out at my fren's house,pern,to chill with her...andddd....to spy on her neighbour whom i have gave a nickname-->DLGUY coz he,use to,drink Dutch Lady strawberry..so gay..but...still...i like him..but..i dont know..i just wanna make frens with him laa...
then one day,like a stupid retard,i asked his name,he said his name is idrus...
then merdeka day,he finally ACTUALLY talked to me..wow..he ask where i went and wat time i went home n he said he bertugas at dataran merdeka..then i ask bertugas what??he said he's a polis...owhhhh...so hot!!!MEN IN UNIFORM ARE SOOOO SUPER HOT!!!*nix will agree with me,TOTALLY!!*
neway,recently,pern called me..she said...he talked to her..he said he's transferring to sabah...bloody sabah..so far...we will be separated by the sea!!arghhhhhhh....worst nightmare!!so...now...my task!!to get his number no matter how!!see,its hard to see him,coz he's always not at home..the time he comes back,very not reliable...so..i told pern..i asked her actually..if she wud pass a letter to dlguy if i write a letter for him..she said yes..of course she also said its like "zaman percintaan dulu2 yg guna surat menyurat"-->sentence not exact as hers la..
neway...isnt this great...but the scary part is the waiting for the reply part..hmmm...but,hopefully the letter im gonna write wont be too berbunga2..hahaha...but i hope i will score it!!to get his phone number..haha....
*shhhhhh....dont tell my boyfriend,after he jealous....HAHAHAHAHA....
i have been hanging out at my fren's house,pern,to chill with her...andddd....to spy on her neighbour whom i have gave a nickname-->DLGUY coz he,use to,drink Dutch Lady strawberry..so gay..but...still...i like him..but..i dont know..i just wanna make frens with him laa...
then one day,like a stupid retard,i asked his name,he said his name is idrus...
then merdeka day,he finally ACTUALLY talked to me..wow..he ask where i went and wat time i went home n he said he bertugas at dataran merdeka..then i ask bertugas what??he said he's a polis...owhhhh...so hot!!!MEN IN UNIFORM ARE SOOOO SUPER HOT!!!*nix will agree with me,TOTALLY!!*
neway,recently,pern called me..she said...he talked to her..he said he's transferring to sabah...bloody sabah..so far...we will be separated by the sea!!arghhhhhhh....worst nightmare!!so...now...my task!!to get his number no matter how!!see,its hard to see him,coz he's always not at home..the time he comes back,very not reliable...so..i told pern..i asked her actually..if she wud pass a letter to dlguy if i write a letter for him..she said yes..of course she also said its like "zaman percintaan dulu2 yg guna surat menyurat"-->sentence not exact as hers la..
neway...isnt this great...but the scary part is the waiting for the reply part..hmmm...but,hopefully the letter im gonna write wont be too berbunga2..hahaha...but i hope i will score it!!to get his phone number..haha....
*shhhhhh....dont tell my boyfriend,after he jealous....HAHAHAHAHA....
aiyoyoo...
"dead...let me be dead...shoot me..."
why must i be tortured with figure studies?i hate humans..and i have to learn to draw them?oh man...so messed up!!the worst part is,they tricked me..usually the name of the subject shud be figure studies..but now they changed it to visual fundamentals...that name sounds like it got nothing to do with figure la...ishh...darn that college arr...hmmm...klaa...nothing else to tell...
why must i be tortured with figure studies?i hate humans..and i have to learn to draw them?oh man...so messed up!!the worst part is,they tricked me..usually the name of the subject shud be figure studies..but now they changed it to visual fundamentals...that name sounds like it got nothing to do with figure la...ishh...darn that college arr...hmmm...klaa...nothing else to tell...
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
insecure??
im having this major feeling this pass few days..
ok..let me tell u y i have this major prob,its because of my bf,wen we go out,he looks at girls,other girls,like he wants them or sumthing(that's wat i feel laa)...
and this past few days,in my head,i have been having images of my bf looking at other girls...
im so tired of picturing it!!arghhh
i tried to not think that way...but it aint stopping...hmm...
so,im trying to figure out if it is ok to feel insecure of my bf..or its totally wrong??
well,i did ask a wise one(tasha,my sister)..she said he shouldnt be looking at other girls if he really love me...
but neway,i trust him,i know he's not capable of cheating towards me..i just kno la,dont ask me how i knoe!!
gosh...i know nix and pern will be mad at me...pls dont..im already goin nutz trying to get rid of this stupid images...
oh ya,forgot to mention...i did tell him all this..of how i feel...so far,the last i went dating with him,i didnt really notice him looking at other girls..hmm...did it work??hmmm...
oh..then yesterday i told him bout me having pictures of him looking at girls in my head,he said im thinking of nonsence..hmmm.....
BUT WHATEVER PUN,I STILL FUCKING FREAKING LOVE HIM!!!HAHAHHA...(now night time,not puasa time,can swear,hahaha)
ok..let me tell u y i have this major prob,its because of my bf,wen we go out,he looks at girls,other girls,like he wants them or sumthing(that's wat i feel laa)...
and this past few days,in my head,i have been having images of my bf looking at other girls...
im so tired of picturing it!!arghhh
i tried to not think that way...but it aint stopping...hmm...
so,im trying to figure out if it is ok to feel insecure of my bf..or its totally wrong??
well,i did ask a wise one(tasha,my sister)..she said he shouldnt be looking at other girls if he really love me...
but neway,i trust him,i know he's not capable of cheating towards me..i just kno la,dont ask me how i knoe!!
gosh...i know nix and pern will be mad at me...pls dont..im already goin nutz trying to get rid of this stupid images...
oh ya,forgot to mention...i did tell him all this..of how i feel...so far,the last i went dating with him,i didnt really notice him looking at other girls..hmm...did it work??hmmm...
oh..then yesterday i told him bout me having pictures of him looking at girls in my head,he said im thinking of nonsence..hmmm.....
BUT WHATEVER PUN,I STILL FUCKING FREAKING LOVE HIM!!!HAHAHHA...(now night time,not puasa time,can swear,hahaha)
i guess,that's how i had to....
sometimes,i wish mum cud be my bestfriend.
actually,i wish she was,a mum who was also a bestfriend.
like for instance,the gilmore girls,or like nix n her mum or like ruby n her mum..
it's so cool,their mums are so cool.
they talk bout lotsa stuff--men.
well,im not saying here that i wish her mum was mine,but im just wishing my mum cud be so open n cool with me.
but to them,most of the choices i made is wrong,maybe that's why i let my mum choose my education choice--college and the course.
i wish i cud tell mum that even at this age of 22,i still havent figured out with what i want in life,but i just wanna enjoy but do nothing.
and i wish i cud tell her i have a boyfriend who is a really great to me,he's nobody special in his life,but he understands me,treat me right,well,eventhough he has no education background and just being a chef,but he makes me happy,isnt that's what important?
i wish,mum cud read my blog,all the stuff i wrote,oh yeah,she will,definately will,but only the day i draw my very last breath,if i go b4 her,i will tell her to check out my blog.
but really,i dont wanna and im sick of having to lie to my own parents about the stuff i do,or about who im going out with if im going dating.
im sick of lying,but,really,at this very moment,i still have/had to keep on lying...i guess,that's how i had to.....
actually,i wish she was,a mum who was also a bestfriend.
like for instance,the gilmore girls,or like nix n her mum or like ruby n her mum..
it's so cool,their mums are so cool.
they talk bout lotsa stuff--men.
well,im not saying here that i wish her mum was mine,but im just wishing my mum cud be so open n cool with me.
but to them,most of the choices i made is wrong,maybe that's why i let my mum choose my education choice--college and the course.
i wish i cud tell mum that even at this age of 22,i still havent figured out with what i want in life,but i just wanna enjoy but do nothing.
and i wish i cud tell her i have a boyfriend who is a really great to me,he's nobody special in his life,but he understands me,treat me right,well,eventhough he has no education background and just being a chef,but he makes me happy,isnt that's what important?
i wish,mum cud read my blog,all the stuff i wrote,oh yeah,she will,definately will,but only the day i draw my very last breath,if i go b4 her,i will tell her to check out my blog.
but really,i dont wanna and im sick of having to lie to my own parents about the stuff i do,or about who im going out with if im going dating.
im sick of lying,but,really,at this very moment,i still have/had to keep on lying...i guess,that's how i had to.....
avril's concert...
I SHUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
I WUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
I CUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
--it was a be there or be dead thing..
but i wasnt there,fact that maybe if i had rich parents,i could have gone for it,or if i gotten to study straight after quitting limkokwing or if i didnt quit limkokwing,i wud have gotten a job by now and wud have had $$ to get the tickets..but too bad,just not my luck,i didnt get to go for it...
now,watching all those 'recaps' on tv,bout the concert,'DANG IT!!'..IT HURTS BADLY..its all coming back to me!i thought i got over it after shopping with mum on friday,d day d concert was held...
i really feel so sad,depressed,my head is burried below the earth now(wow,im becoming deep),wishing badly that it didnt passed yet or if only she was gonna come after 'Raya'(so that i go duit raya) or sumthing...oh gosh...Life is one hell of a pathetic poece of shit!!
I WUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
I CUD HAVE BEEN THERE!!
--it was a be there or be dead thing..
but i wasnt there,fact that maybe if i had rich parents,i could have gone for it,or if i gotten to study straight after quitting limkokwing or if i didnt quit limkokwing,i wud have gotten a job by now and wud have had $$ to get the tickets..but too bad,just not my luck,i didnt get to go for it...
now,watching all those 'recaps' on tv,bout the concert,'DANG IT!!'..IT HURTS BADLY..its all coming back to me!i thought i got over it after shopping with mum on friday,d day d concert was held...
i really feel so sad,depressed,my head is burried below the earth now(wow,im becoming deep),wishing badly that it didnt passed yet or if only she was gonna come after 'Raya'(so that i go duit raya) or sumthing...oh gosh...Life is one hell of a pathetic poece of shit!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
29th AUGUST 2008-MOST TRAGIC DAY FOR ME!
OMG OMG OMG...ITS 9.11PM NOW...THE THING THAT I WANT TO BE MOSTTT AT,AT THIS VERY MOMENT OF TIME IS....AVRIL LAVINGE LIVE IN MALAYSIA CONCERT!!!!ARGHHHH.....IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ IM TOO POOR....IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ OF THOSE FREAKING PEOPLE WHO WANTED THE CONCERT TO BE BANNED,IF ONLY IT WASNT BECOZ OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WROTE NEGATIVE THINGS BOUT HER IN THE PAPERS 'avril is a punk'????WHAT WERE THEY THINKING BOUT??!!!MY DAD IS INFLUENCED BY IT!!DAMN IT!!
see....when avril started out being famous,owhhhh....the papers wrote all those SWEET NICE DELICIOUS things about her...now they wrote bad stuff??!!??very fickled minded stupid idiotic bloody fucking piece of shit bastards!!!arghhh...and owh yeah...how bout those people who wanted the concert to be banned??owhh....how bout PUSSY FREAKING CAT DOLLS???they didnt mind that..wow...avril is not punk!!ok stupitos!!!she's cool...pink princess!!!she write beautiful songs that not even any of those uneducated artist in this country cud write!!arghhh!!!!IM TURNING INTO HULK NOW!!GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!SO SO SUPER ANGRY!!!!
see....when avril started out being famous,owhhhh....the papers wrote all those SWEET NICE DELICIOUS things about her...now they wrote bad stuff??!!??very fickled minded stupid idiotic bloody fucking piece of shit bastards!!!arghhh...and owh yeah...how bout those people who wanted the concert to be banned??owhh....how bout PUSSY FREAKING CAT DOLLS???they didnt mind that..wow...avril is not punk!!ok stupitos!!!she's cool...pink princess!!!she write beautiful songs that not even any of those uneducated artist in this country cud write!!arghhh!!!!IM TURNING INTO HULK NOW!!GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!SO SO SUPER ANGRY!!!!
MERDEKA!MERDEKA!MERDEKA!
owh yeah....independence day,is just few days away..so cool..im gonna go out on the eve of independence,celebrating....BUTTTTTT.........I ACTUALLY REALLY STILL DONT GET IT...
DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT MERDEKA MEANS?WHAT DOES INDEPENDENCE DAY MEAN?WHAT DOES THE 31ST AUGUST 1957 MEAN TO YOU GUYS?
seriously man...almost all teenagers these days,people of malaysia these days,actually dont know what independence mean...they will all giv the sameeeeee answer to it 'its d day when malaysia is free from colonization n bla bla bla'.....but...come on...dont u guys think,the education of history of malaysia in malaysia is not good enough for those kids these days?the world is becoming to modern,and the people,of course,want to be modern too...but...no history is installed in them...
well,what i think is that maybe,they shud teach more bout independence day to the school kids...then maybe,they cud understand more...what do u guys think of this??hmmmmmm...just wondering....
DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT MERDEKA MEANS?WHAT DOES INDEPENDENCE DAY MEAN?WHAT DOES THE 31ST AUGUST 1957 MEAN TO YOU GUYS?
seriously man...almost all teenagers these days,people of malaysia these days,actually dont know what independence mean...they will all giv the sameeeeee answer to it 'its d day when malaysia is free from colonization n bla bla bla'.....but...come on...dont u guys think,the education of history of malaysia in malaysia is not good enough for those kids these days?the world is becoming to modern,and the people,of course,want to be modern too...but...no history is installed in them...
well,what i think is that maybe,they shud teach more bout independence day to the school kids...then maybe,they cud understand more...what do u guys think of this??hmmmmmm...just wondering....
flushed away...
-CREEP by radiohead-
"i wish i was special,
so fucking special,
but im a creep,
im a weirdo,what the hell am i doing here?
i dont belong here..."
that song is the perfect song to describe me..i dont have the perfect body,i wish i had..i dont have a perfect soul,i wish i had..and all my life,i was told to do things,well,maybe im the youngest,but,i have feelings too,but my family dont seem to see all that..its always me..'nathra do this,nathra do that'..always me gets the 'doings'..maybe thats one reason y i dont seem to see the point of me being here in this world.i just wanna be all by myself,living my own life,where i cud just do my own thing,in my own perfect little world of mine.
how many of u in this world who has life like mine?a life that is planned by not u,but ur parents.a life where u are told to do things,by ur family,not by ur own head.what can we do about this?
if i should go talk to them,tell them how i feel,they are just gonna say that im thinking to much..as it is,mum already did call me 'a spoilt brat', and that im troublesome to her, and indirectly calling me 'stupid'...it hurts..badly..it effects me!!why do my family,the one i loved the most have to do this to me?i feel unwanted,feel like,im not part of them..that's why,my love for them,are FLUSHED AWAY!!!
"i wish i was special,
so fucking special,
but im a creep,
im a weirdo,what the hell am i doing here?
i dont belong here..."
that song is the perfect song to describe me..i dont have the perfect body,i wish i had..i dont have a perfect soul,i wish i had..and all my life,i was told to do things,well,maybe im the youngest,but,i have feelings too,but my family dont seem to see all that..its always me..'nathra do this,nathra do that'..always me gets the 'doings'..maybe thats one reason y i dont seem to see the point of me being here in this world.i just wanna be all by myself,living my own life,where i cud just do my own thing,in my own perfect little world of mine.
how many of u in this world who has life like mine?a life that is planned by not u,but ur parents.a life where u are told to do things,by ur family,not by ur own head.what can we do about this?
if i should go talk to them,tell them how i feel,they are just gonna say that im thinking to much..as it is,mum already did call me 'a spoilt brat', and that im troublesome to her, and indirectly calling me 'stupid'...it hurts..badly..it effects me!!why do my family,the one i loved the most have to do this to me?i feel unwanted,feel like,im not part of them..that's why,my love for them,are FLUSHED AWAY!!!
for my late fantasy baby,RIP!!
dear dearest fantasy,
since u left me,on 30th may 2008,i miss u very much.i miss u jumping on my lap and sleep for a long time,i miss u standing by the kitchen window waiting for left overs,i miss u tagging along with me when i walk front&back outside the house,i miss your 'meow's..i miss u sitting & hiding under my blanket..tasy,i miss u so much..u left me,but i made u promise me that u'll never leave me,remember? will i ever see u again?having to face the fact that i was gonna wake up everyday knowing u're not around anymore and everything's just different without u was painful.i called u just now,while i was on the swing,i wonder if u cud still hear me?cuz i really still feel ur presence.i miss u tasy...i miss u very much..i love u and not in a single second that i will stop missing and loving u...
lotsa loads of love,
nathra najmie devarajah
since u left me,on 30th may 2008,i miss u very much.i miss u jumping on my lap and sleep for a long time,i miss u standing by the kitchen window waiting for left overs,i miss u tagging along with me when i walk front&back outside the house,i miss your 'meow's..i miss u sitting & hiding under my blanket..tasy,i miss u so much..u left me,but i made u promise me that u'll never leave me,remember? will i ever see u again?having to face the fact that i was gonna wake up everyday knowing u're not around anymore and everything's just different without u was painful.i called u just now,while i was on the swing,i wonder if u cud still hear me?cuz i really still feel ur presence.i miss u tasy...i miss u very much..i love u and not in a single second that i will stop missing and loving u...
lotsa loads of love,
nathra najmie devarajah
Sunday, August 24, 2008
me and zul...
im back again with zul..gosh...we broke up bout 2 months ago..very complicating...in july 2006 we started dating..then broke up in feb/mac 2007..then i was single for a year plus because i love zul so much n cant seem to wanting to replace him with another guy..hmmm...then in april 2008 we coupled back..then in june 2008 we broke up...then now..august 2008..2days ago,we coupled back..i cant get him outta my mind..i just,want him..he's different than any other guy in this world that i've known...soon,i will post up a story bout all the 20++ men i've dated..hahaha....thanks for reading..till then....
*btw,im so influenced by 'gossip girl',the tv drama...where it always end with.....
XOXO
*btw,im so influenced by 'gossip girl',the tv drama...where it always end with.....
XOXO
LOVE 2
if u had one person that u loved very much, that u somehow, had to let go off, would u do that? i actually did let this one person that i very much loved. twice,i had to let him go twice, i did let him go because i've learnt that "if u love a person, you've got to learn to let the person go"..ok, that is about love, a different type of love.but what if, u love something, so much, that u wud die for it,but,God love it more than u do,will u let it go?i couldnt.i still havent.i cant.im afraid that i might forget it.im scared and i just couldnt let it go.what if,one day,i try to remember it,but i cant?that's y i cant let it go.and also i love him, too much,he's my baby,and he's still is,and i cant let it go,eventhough he's gone now,for quite sometime.but yet,i still feel him,his presence..i know he is still around.
now,back to reality..that's two difference i found out about love,apart from the 'complicating' things..love..it's a disease..a disease that weakens a body, killing the weak,softly and slowly inside,eating up bits and pieces of the weak's heart.then,the next thing you know................
*now,'weak' here means, a weak person,whom has been over powered by the disease.
now,back to reality..that's two difference i found out about love,apart from the 'complicating' things..love..it's a disease..a disease that weakens a body, killing the weak,softly and slowly inside,eating up bits and pieces of the weak's heart.then,the next thing you know................
*now,'weak' here means, a weak person,whom has been over powered by the disease.
The Devil That Killed Me Softly..
as i stand still,
looking at the things around me,
everything's moving fast,
i tried to move,
but my feets are locked,
i tried to scream,
but i can't hear my voice,
then i realized,my lips are shut,
i struggle to move,
but i can't,
i tried,over and over again,
then,everything turned black,
i can't see,
everything is dark,
i'm straining my eyes,
but i still can't see,
then,my heart stopped,
that morning,i wake up,
knowing that i died night before,
but if i died,
who is that person living in my body,
is it,the devils?
looking at the things around me,
everything's moving fast,
i tried to move,
but my feets are locked,
i tried to scream,
but i can't hear my voice,
then i realized,my lips are shut,
i struggle to move,
but i can't,
i tried,over and over again,
then,everything turned black,
i can't see,
everything is dark,
i'm straining my eyes,
but i still can't see,
then,my heart stopped,
that morning,i wake up,
knowing that i died night before,
but if i died,
who is that person living in my body,
is it,the devils?
something,nothing...
words,
they are only words,
meaning,
it comes straight from the heart,
understand,
that's what the brain will do,
love,
its a kind of feeling that the heart feels,
thoughts,
that's when the brain thinks,
tired,
it's when the body runs out of battery,
politics,
it is a very stupid matter,
time,
is when the clock goes 'tick-tock',
humans,
they are born with different characters,
life,
everyone wants it to be 'purr'-fect,
food,
too much of it makes a person fat,
death,
is when someone's time is over,
goodbye,
is when i end this poem...
they are only words,
meaning,
it comes straight from the heart,
understand,
that's what the brain will do,
love,
its a kind of feeling that the heart feels,
thoughts,
that's when the brain thinks,
tired,
it's when the body runs out of battery,
politics,
it is a very stupid matter,
time,
is when the clock goes 'tick-tock',
humans,
they are born with different characters,
life,
everyone wants it to be 'purr'-fect,
food,
too much of it makes a person fat,
death,
is when someone's time is over,
goodbye,
is when i end this poem...
Friday, August 15, 2008
What if,one day,u found out that you are adopted?
see,im different from my family...im crazy..i love arts...i LOVE animals...im weird...i LOVE meeting new people...but they are so different..i often think of this..what if i am adopted?how will i react to that?hmm...will i go crazy and mad at the people who brought me up?or will i be glad that they told me?and...am i going to go find my biological parents?or am i gonna be satisfied with the one i have?hmmm...what wud u do?and how many people are there in this world who was adopted and knew about it..and how many didnt know they were adopted?hmm...so weird...and how wud those people who brought them up,who didnt tell them that they were adopted,how wud they feel?guilty?relief?what?im sorry readers,i am a person who thinks alot...ALOT!!really...even when im doin my 'business',even when im asleep i think...i think so..hehe...but really,WHAT IF,ONE DAY,YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU ARE ADOPTED??
Do You Actually Know The People You Live With?
so,i've been thinking..who are those people i live with?those people whom i call mom and dad..those people whom i call sisters..are they really who they are?are they those people whom i know 22years ago?or were they actually being themselves or they are just pretending to be who they are?
maybe dad is being who he is....maybe he isnt..(definately!!)
maybe mum is being who she is...maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
maybe nadia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..
maybe natassia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
there you go...the answers to the question..they are not those people i grew up with..they are not the person i lived with for 22years..who r they?its like they are being possessed by some "evil and crazy demon".....i repeat,"EVIL AND CRAZY DEMON"....that's what they are acting now...my mom wud rather loose her own daughter than letting her marry who she wants to..my dad wud rather spend time with his 90++ years old mother than spending time with his own family..my sister,tassia wud rather marry some guy and dump her family who has been with her since the day she was born...
its so weird...and the worst part is,i am the only one realizing all this..hmmm...im the onli one who thinks my family is broken up...or maybe,going to....
so now...how bout u guys?do you actually know those people you call mum,dad,sister,brother,lover,husband,child...do you actually know them?take a minute to think...who are they?are they the people u knew long time ago?are they?DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH?
maybe dad is being who he is....maybe he isnt..(definately!!)
maybe mum is being who she is...maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
maybe nadia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..
maybe natassia is being who she is..maybe she isnt..(definately!!)
there you go...the answers to the question..they are not those people i grew up with..they are not the person i lived with for 22years..who r they?its like they are being possessed by some "evil and crazy demon".....i repeat,"EVIL AND CRAZY DEMON"....that's what they are acting now...my mom wud rather loose her own daughter than letting her marry who she wants to..my dad wud rather spend time with his 90++ years old mother than spending time with his own family..my sister,tassia wud rather marry some guy and dump her family who has been with her since the day she was born...
its so weird...and the worst part is,i am the only one realizing all this..hmmm...im the onli one who thinks my family is broken up...or maybe,going to....
so now...how bout u guys?do you actually know those people you call mum,dad,sister,brother,lover,husband,child...do you actually know them?take a minute to think...who are they?are they the people u knew long time ago?are they?DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH?
Friday, July 11, 2008
love?
this man,named zul khairulzaim...i swear i will never be with him ever again even if he's d only guy left in this world!!he's an ass...and me,im stupid to have gotten back with him again!!gosh...he just dumped me..just like that...gosh...so now im single again....but so not available!haha...but yeah...now it makes me think..over n over again...how many people in this world have been hurt by their loved ones?loved ones here doesnt have to be boyfren/girlfren..it cud be parents,best fren and so on...it really hurts to be hurt by these people that we 'love'...now..my mind is questioning:"what is love?"...wat is love?hmm...is it when we have feelings for a person?or we care for a person?love is damn complicating wehhh!!!hmmm....
parents and kids these days
parents this days...they say:its not easy to be a parent...
kids this days...they say:when im a parent,im so not gonna giv hard time to my kids..
basically,parents and kids these days,i think,they dont understand each other...hmmm..but then again,parents dont simply dont let their kids do things coz they wanna protect them..they love them...but kids,they want freedom..hmmm...two different minded people we have here...wat do u think of this?have u ever thought,who is right n who is wrong?and if u r a kid now,when u grow to be a parent,are u gonna do the same to ur kids?or the opposite?and if u r a parent now,what r u gonna do to ur kids?still love n protect them by not giving them the freedom they want?or love them by letting them do things which u know will eventually destroy ur kids life?
kids this days...they say:when im a parent,im so not gonna giv hard time to my kids..
basically,parents and kids these days,i think,they dont understand each other...hmmm..but then again,parents dont simply dont let their kids do things coz they wanna protect them..they love them...but kids,they want freedom..hmmm...two different minded people we have here...wat do u think of this?have u ever thought,who is right n who is wrong?and if u r a kid now,when u grow to be a parent,are u gonna do the same to ur kids?or the opposite?and if u r a parent now,what r u gonna do to ur kids?still love n protect them by not giving them the freedom they want?or love them by letting them do things which u know will eventually destroy ur kids life?
Saturday, June 14, 2008
what does family mean?
what is a family?what does it mean?coz all i knoe is that,my family,taught me alot of shit..they make me think,if having a family,will end up like what my family is going through now,i dont want to start one.coz,i dont want my kids to suffer,like i am going through...so,what does family means?happy family?keluarga bahagia?kononnya la kan?family portrait,semua nampak happy,but look beyond the picture,are they really happy?are they what they potray?does a happy family really exist?question your self..is it worth it,to go through all the troubles,to start a family,then ending up to be not what u expect it to be?everyone doing their own thing,not thinking bout how others feel,not caring enough for each other..saying that i have ur back but the fact is...they cant even take care of them self...hmmm...think about it...just use ur brains,that god gave to all of u...and think...think of the future..the answer u get to it,its amazing...can be positive and can be negative..and,kononnya,its up to u to change it..wat if u tried and tried,but,yet,nothing happens...and u get sick of it..what do u do...u cant do anything anymore..can u...coz u r sick of it..tired...and u knoe,u cant do anything anymore if the others dont help each other..if they dont try,u try...but u fail..everything wont work if u tepuk sebelah tangan..right?hmm...think about all this...thank you for reading this...thank you...gracias...
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
love strikes again..
well,im back with my ex again..zul khairulzaim..so in love la..i love him so much...
Saturday, July 07, 2007
100% legal
100% legal.....how great it feels....im 21 now...my mum present me a gold chain,a key with d number 21 on it...the key to my freedom.....but yet,i musnt waste it...i must use it well...but anyway,im 21 man......thats awesome...i can vote now...and i can club too...how cool is that..haha....but,i must be wiser in the things i do...i have to think well b4 i take actions...i must think what is right from wrong...yes...i must do that from now on....awesomeeeee.......
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
after so long...
wow...after so long..here i am again,writing...yet,no ideas coming out of my head...hmmm...thinking and thinking hard now,but still,ideas are all trapped in side my juicy brains..haha...gud stuff,bad stuff...bad stuff,lotsa shit happening in my life rite now....gud stuff,im single and im happy bout it..haha...yet,my eyes are still looking at cute guys,but,deep in my heart,i dont want to have a boyfriend..im happy being single..i save lotsa time..i dont waste money...i dont waste my feelings...the most important thing is,i dont have to lie to my parents..haha....ok..thats it..my head hurts now...got to stop writing...but y my fingers are still on the keyboard..haha...ok ok...enough now....i love my self...and love who ever who reads my blog..i appreciate it..hehe...tq.....owh,just in case,this is my myspace url www.myspace.com/princessnathra........huhu...tata...
Friday, November 24, 2006
-perhaps-
im sitting in the dark,
im trying to figure out this life,
i cant find my path,
i cant understand life,
i dont know what i want,
what i want to be,
if i ever know about it,
how am i going to complete it,
im normal..not disable,
then why cant i live normal?
why cant i be asured of my life?
maybe i should end this life,
but then,i still have my loved ones,
they are there for me..
my family,my pets,and my special friend..
perhaps i shall change,
i must try achieving dreams,
after all...i still have my loved ones...
-created on 8th june 2003-
im trying to figure out this life,
i cant find my path,
i cant understand life,
i dont know what i want,
what i want to be,
if i ever know about it,
how am i going to complete it,
im normal..not disable,
then why cant i live normal?
why cant i be asured of my life?
maybe i should end this life,
but then,i still have my loved ones,
they are there for me..
my family,my pets,and my special friend..
perhaps i shall change,
i must try achieving dreams,
after all...i still have my loved ones...
-created on 8th june 2003-
Thursday, November 23, 2006
-feelings-
i feel like im alone,
i dont know why,
i feel tired of this feelings,
i want to get away,
from this feelings that is creeping in me,
i cant concentrate in life,
i dont know what i want,
i cant sleep at night,
i cant live my life,
i feel alone,
i feel bored,
i hate this feelings,
i want to run away,
far away from this feelings,
maybe i should hide in the jungle,
or run away to the sea,
perhaps i will forget this feelings then,
i hate the way it comes in me,
it conquers my body and soul,
this feelings make me hate myself, people and the world,
i hurts me inside,
till i hate to live,
and i dont want to stay alive,
because i cant find my path,
i feel bored and tired of this feelings,
i want to run away,
away from this freaky feelings,
that has been in me for a long time...
-created by me on 8th june 2003 at 12.24am-
i dont know why,
i feel tired of this feelings,
i want to get away,
from this feelings that is creeping in me,
i cant concentrate in life,
i dont know what i want,
i cant sleep at night,
i cant live my life,
i feel alone,
i feel bored,
i hate this feelings,
i want to run away,
far away from this feelings,
maybe i should hide in the jungle,
or run away to the sea,
perhaps i will forget this feelings then,
i hate the way it comes in me,
it conquers my body and soul,
this feelings make me hate myself, people and the world,
i hurts me inside,
till i hate to live,
and i dont want to stay alive,
because i cant find my path,
i feel bored and tired of this feelings,
i want to run away,
away from this freaky feelings,
that has been in me for a long time...
-created by me on 8th june 2003 at 12.24am-
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
-confuse-
im just a girl,
who shares a part of this world,
with the people i dont even know,
with the animals i like..
but somehow,
i cant find my destiny,
i dont understand the world,
i cant find my path..
i dont know why im here,
in this world that will end,
why must i share this world,
what is the cause i am here?
but however,
i feel thankful to be here,
cause i can fight back,
for the rights of these animals..
maybe that's why i am here,
to fight for animals,
to stand by their sides,
when they are weak..
i really love them,
they are innocent,
they are just a part of this world,
and i believe that this world are theirs..
only humans who say,
as if this world is theirs,
as if they are greater than anything,
but actually,they are the weakest..
they are humans who dont realize,
with all the pleasures they have,
they forget who they are,
and tend to rule..
but i will somehow,
help these animals,
to carry on conquering,
this world of theirs...
-created by me on 3rd june 2003 at 11.05pm-
who shares a part of this world,
with the people i dont even know,
with the animals i like..
but somehow,
i cant find my destiny,
i dont understand the world,
i cant find my path..
i dont know why im here,
in this world that will end,
why must i share this world,
what is the cause i am here?
but however,
i feel thankful to be here,
cause i can fight back,
for the rights of these animals..
maybe that's why i am here,
to fight for animals,
to stand by their sides,
when they are weak..
i really love them,
they are innocent,
they are just a part of this world,
and i believe that this world are theirs..
only humans who say,
as if this world is theirs,
as if they are greater than anything,
but actually,they are the weakest..
they are humans who dont realize,
with all the pleasures they have,
they forget who they are,
and tend to rule..
but i will somehow,
help these animals,
to carry on conquering,
this world of theirs...
-created by me on 3rd june 2003 at 11.05pm-
-mother-
mother...
you are my heaven,
you brought me up with tender care,
you shared all your tender love,
you put me in a safe condition,
you are always there to support me...
mother...
i know it was hard for you giving birth to me,
i know your kind heart cries when i hurt you,
i know deep in your heart,you suffer,
i realize the troubles i gave you,
but i still attempt to do it...
mother...
no matter how much you scold,
no matter whatever you do,
i know whatever you done is for me,
i remember all those times i used to hurt you,
i remember all those times i cheated you...
mother...
i just want you to know,
no matter how much i hurt you,
no matter how much i made you cry,
you are still my mother,
and no one can replace you...
mother...
you are the best,
you are more than a best friend,
i'm so sorry for what i've done all this years,
i want you to know that,
with all of my heart,i love you...
-created by me on 26/5/2003-
you are my heaven,
you brought me up with tender care,
you shared all your tender love,
you put me in a safe condition,
you are always there to support me...
mother...
i know it was hard for you giving birth to me,
i know your kind heart cries when i hurt you,
i know deep in your heart,you suffer,
i realize the troubles i gave you,
but i still attempt to do it...
mother...
no matter how much you scold,
no matter whatever you do,
i know whatever you done is for me,
i remember all those times i used to hurt you,
i remember all those times i cheated you...
mother...
i just want you to know,
no matter how much i hurt you,
no matter how much i made you cry,
you are still my mother,
and no one can replace you...
mother...
you are the best,
you are more than a best friend,
i'm so sorry for what i've done all this years,
i want you to know that,
with all of my heart,i love you...
-created by me on 26/5/2003-
-once upon a time-
once upon a time,
it is very beautiful,
it is full of flora and fauna,
it is so clean..
once upon a time,
we breath clean air,
we drank clean water,
we listen to beautiful sounds..
once upon a time,
the rivers and seas was full of fishes,
the forest was full of creatures,
the sky was full of birds..
once upon a time,
it was a beautiful place,
it was the heaven for humans,
but now,what's left is more like hell...
-created on by me on 22nd may 2003-
it is very beautiful,
it is full of flora and fauna,
it is so clean..
once upon a time,
we breath clean air,
we drank clean water,
we listen to beautiful sounds..
once upon a time,
the rivers and seas was full of fishes,
the forest was full of creatures,
the sky was full of birds..
once upon a time,
it was a beautiful place,
it was the heaven for humans,
but now,what's left is more like hell...
-created on by me on 22nd may 2003-
-do you realize that?-
do you realize that,
that they are dying,
they are suffering,
and it is all because of you?
do you realize that,
you took away their home,
you took away their family,
you ruin everything in their life..
do you realize that,
that we need tghem,
that they are part of our life?
but you capture them..
do you realize that,
you treat them badly,
you hurt them,
you kill them..
do you realize that,
they are part of this world,
we share the world with them,
you suppose to protect them...
do you realize that..
they need our love,
they need our care,
they need freedom...
do you realize that,
you are hurting them,
you are losing them,
and you will regret when they are gone...
-this poem is for all humans-
-stop cruelty to animals-
-created by me on 20th may 2003 at 9.05pm-
that they are dying,
they are suffering,
and it is all because of you?
do you realize that,
you took away their home,
you took away their family,
you ruin everything in their life..
do you realize that,
that we need tghem,
that they are part of our life?
but you capture them..
do you realize that,
you treat them badly,
you hurt them,
you kill them..
do you realize that,
they are part of this world,
we share the world with them,
you suppose to protect them...
do you realize that..
they need our love,
they need our care,
they need freedom...
do you realize that,
you are hurting them,
you are losing them,
and you will regret when they are gone...
-this poem is for all humans-
-stop cruelty to animals-
-created by me on 20th may 2003 at 9.05pm-
-teacher-
dear teacher..
in class,
you are the rose among the thorns,
because you are the smart one,
and we are the inarticulate,
you are like our mother,
who always cared and understand,
you never get tired teaching us,
you never get sick of our attitude,
you are always there when we needed you...
this day comes only once a year,
we will never get to do this next year,
as we will not see you again,
as we step into the world for a new challenge,
we would like you to know that,
we really appreciate you,
from the bottom of our heart,
we will always remember you...
happy teacher's day...
-created by me,specially for teacher's day on the lastyear b4 i graduated in highschool,on 12th may 2003-
in class,
you are the rose among the thorns,
because you are the smart one,
and we are the inarticulate,
you are like our mother,
who always cared and understand,
you never get tired teaching us,
you never get sick of our attitude,
you are always there when we needed you...
this day comes only once a year,
we will never get to do this next year,
as we will not see you again,
as we step into the world for a new challenge,
we would like you to know that,
we really appreciate you,
from the bottom of our heart,
we will always remember you...
happy teacher's day...
-created by me,specially for teacher's day on the lastyear b4 i graduated in highschool,on 12th may 2003-
-the world-
the world is a beautiful place,
it is where we live on,
it is full of nature,
it is full of joys...
the world was once full of happiness,
but now is has turned into a disaster,
it has been destroyed totally,
destroyed by our own hands...
we are running out of time,
to be in this world,
so come and join our hands,
to save this polluted world...
-created by me on 7th may 2003-
it is where we live on,
it is full of nature,
it is full of joys...
the world was once full of happiness,
but now is has turned into a disaster,
it has been destroyed totally,
destroyed by our own hands...
we are running out of time,
to be in this world,
so come and join our hands,
to save this polluted world...
-created by me on 7th may 2003-
Sunday, November 19, 2006
baby arrow n bunnie..
once upon a time,there lived a huge cat named arrow.he was so sweet,and one day,he fell in love with a bunnie..they played all day and all night,running around freely across the field..then,they both climb a mountain,and found an old wooden house..arrow told bunnie not to go in,but bunnie was anxious to find out what was in there..arrow forced bunnie to go home with him,so they left for home..the next morning,arrow woke up from sleep and couldnt find bunnie anywhere,and he guessed that bunnie had went to the old wooden house..bunnie did went to the old wooden house..bunnie was walking in and saw a witch casting spells on little 7dwarfs..bunnie got shock and accidently shouted.the witch heard her and cast a spell on her turning her into a teddybear..the witch then threw bunnie outside the door..arrow otherwise,rushed to the mountain and was heading to the old wooden house..he then found bunnie,on the road,turned into a teddy bear..arrow was so sad....he then brought the bunnie back home...arrow lived with bunnie and never let bunnie out of his sight...even when he is sleeping.....-the end-
p/s:this is a picture i captured while arrow sleeping with the bunnie...so sweet right?poor bunnie....
hahaha...funnie story...huhu....
-created by me on 20th november 2006-
-all my life-
all my life,
i only wanted happiness,
all my life,
must be full of fullfillness,
i was just hoping,
for a miracle to happen,
that would probably change my life,
that would probably make things better,
when i think about it,
what i know is that,
all my life,
it has been full of tears,
it's sad and i feel like a stranger,
a stranger to this world...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
i only wanted happiness,
all my life,
must be full of fullfillness,
i was just hoping,
for a miracle to happen,
that would probably change my life,
that would probably make things better,
when i think about it,
what i know is that,
all my life,
it has been full of tears,
it's sad and i feel like a stranger,
a stranger to this world...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
guess that's how break up ends...
i broke up....at last...im happie...but i dont know y,i just feel so sad deep inside me...i dont love him anymore...but,y am i feeling so shitty rite now?y?i wish i wuz sent into a time demention where i can turn everything around...back to my childhood days...and make everything right....be smart at school,never have a bf at all,make my parents save up 4 my studies...haha....easy 4 me to say all that,but,never easy 4 it to be done...haha...funnie ekk how life cud be....wow....rite now,im just thinking,thinking hard bout what happen....y am i regretting breaking up...hmm....stupid shit laa...shitty shit...fuckin shit...gosh...bloody hell....owh no,y am i cursing rite now...gosh...nutcase..ahahhaha....see,now i feel like laughing at all that has happen...it all happen in this past 20 years...damn..i shouldnt have been born...haha...im such a nutcase....huhu...i wasted all my life wasting time...haha...wow,that's d best sentence ever made by me..huhu....see,im going gaga...aiyoyoo...owh,yesterday,i watched free willy...damn i wish i had a whale...and the whale wud be my best friend...or a horse...but by best friends are all cats...i dont really have a human fren...my sister only,she's my best bestest fren ever...wow...i love her....she's d best...tassia...goshh...amazing person..the rest of my family,hmm...i rather not start shit bout them....that's it...no more shit to write...guess that's it...maybe,break up ends with sadness....rite?guess that's how break up ends.........
-written by the complicated me,on 19th november 2006-
-written by the complicated me,on 19th november 2006-
-everyday life-
im sitting outside my house,
watching the outmosphere of life,
this what happens in everyday life,
kids with their football lessons,
skaters with their skating sessions,
and me, doing nothing except watching,
all i wanted was nothing but to play,
i'm an adult on the outside,
but i'm a kid in the inside,
im sick of this heavy life,
just waiting for the time,
the moments of my life,
to enjoy in my own ways of life...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
watching the outmosphere of life,
this what happens in everyday life,
kids with their football lessons,
skaters with their skating sessions,
and me, doing nothing except watching,
all i wanted was nothing but to play,
i'm an adult on the outside,
but i'm a kid in the inside,
im sick of this heavy life,
just waiting for the time,
the moments of my life,
to enjoy in my own ways of life...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
-if-
if only i was a bird,
living outside the window,
chirping all day long,
flying freely across the country..
if only i had wings,
i would fly everywhere,
meeting new people and places,
that would be a great explore..
if only i was a fish,
swimming freely in the oceans,
with no place to go,
and no one to face..
if only i had fins,
i would swim everywhere,
meeting new species,
that would change my whole life..
if only i were to be what i wanted to be,
i would be free from paranoids,
i would probably have a better life,
the life that would set me free...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
living outside the window,
chirping all day long,
flying freely across the country..
if only i had wings,
i would fly everywhere,
meeting new people and places,
that would be a great explore..
if only i was a fish,
swimming freely in the oceans,
with no place to go,
and no one to face..
if only i had fins,
i would swim everywhere,
meeting new species,
that would change my whole life..
if only i were to be what i wanted to be,
i would be free from paranoids,
i would probably have a better life,
the life that would set me free...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
-miserable life-
i've been crying all day,
in this rainy evening of friday,
there's not much days left,
to step on a new stage of life,
i've been looking for a chance,
to be loyal to God,
but i often fail the course,
so,i would perhaps be,
much of the old me,
who will die in pain,
suffer all day and night,
i tried to think about the last time,
when i last had a good time,
but at this moment,
my life is already miserable...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
in this rainy evening of friday,
there's not much days left,
to step on a new stage of life,
i've been looking for a chance,
to be loyal to God,
but i often fail the course,
so,i would perhaps be,
much of the old me,
who will die in pain,
suffer all day and night,
i tried to think about the last time,
when i last had a good time,
but at this moment,
my life is already miserable...
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
-life-
i'm sitting here in the dark,
all alone in my room,
i'm thinking about life,
that will soon be doomed..
my life was once great,
it was once a happy story,
but now what's left is,
nothing but misery..
i'm waiting here all alone,
waiting for someone to save me,
i need to be free,
to feel what's left for me..
i feel like i'm paralysed,
my body is tied up,
i cant bear the pain,
to suffer again and again..
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
all alone in my room,
i'm thinking about life,
that will soon be doomed..
my life was once great,
it was once a happy story,
but now what's left is,
nothing but misery..
i'm waiting here all alone,
waiting for someone to save me,
i need to be free,
to feel what's left for me..
i feel like i'm paralysed,
my body is tied up,
i cant bear the pain,
to suffer again and again..
-created by me on 27th april 2003-
Saturday, November 18, 2006
-sisters-
sisters..
they are there always,
they will always be around you,
they share your joys and pains..
sisters,
no matter how much you hate them,
you will always love them,
you will always praise them..
sisters,
they will be there when you are sick,
they will also be there when you are dying,
they will share the pain with you..
sisters,
if they are far away,
on a holiday or studies,
we will then be apart,
but they will always remain in my heart..
sisters,
they will help you in all ways,
even if they have to lie,
even lying to parents,
they will be there,
FOREVER...
-created by me on 18th april 2003-
they are there always,
they will always be around you,
they share your joys and pains..
sisters,
no matter how much you hate them,
you will always love them,
you will always praise them..
sisters,
they will be there when you are sick,
they will also be there when you are dying,
they will share the pain with you..
sisters,
if they are far away,
on a holiday or studies,
we will then be apart,
but they will always remain in my heart..
sisters,
they will help you in all ways,
even if they have to lie,
even lying to parents,
they will be there,
FOREVER...
-created by me on 18th april 2003-
-love-
love..
it is a beautiful feeling,
it is romantic,
it comes when we fall for a living creature,
it can be humans,
it can be animals..
love..
it can destroy a person,
in just a flash of light,
it can cause death,
to a person who suffers,
from an unreciprocated love..
love..
when the beloves leaves and never returned,
it is to be an absurd,
it is a feeling that will capture us,
and drown a person in love..
love,
it can be sweet,
it can be nice,
but remember,
it can be harmful..
-created by me on 17th april 2003-
it is a beautiful feeling,
it is romantic,
it comes when we fall for a living creature,
it can be humans,
it can be animals..
love..
it can destroy a person,
in just a flash of light,
it can cause death,
to a person who suffers,
from an unreciprocated love..
love..
when the beloves leaves and never returned,
it is to be an absurd,
it is a feeling that will capture us,
and drown a person in love..
love,
it can be sweet,
it can be nice,
but remember,
it can be harmful..
-created by me on 17th april 2003-
-Friends-
friends..
havings friends sometimes are troublesome,
we fight among ourselves,
like kinder kids,
but somehow,
we will get back together..
friends..
they are there when i am sad,
they are there to share my joys,
they lend me their shoulders,
when i shed my tears..
friends..
we spend our mornings in school,
we spend our evenings together,
only at night we dont see each other,
we spend our weekends together,
we entertain ourselves forever,
and we will be friends forever..
but suddenly..
it suddenly changes into fear,
when we dont see each other,
we have our own paths,
to plan our own future..
but no matter how far we are,
i will always remember,
those times we spent together,
those memories we shared together,
it will always be with me,
FOREVER...
-created by me on 17th april 2003-
havings friends sometimes are troublesome,
we fight among ourselves,
like kinder kids,
but somehow,
we will get back together..
friends..
they are there when i am sad,
they are there to share my joys,
they lend me their shoulders,
when i shed my tears..
friends..
we spend our mornings in school,
we spend our evenings together,
only at night we dont see each other,
we spend our weekends together,
we entertain ourselves forever,
and we will be friends forever..
but suddenly..
it suddenly changes into fear,
when we dont see each other,
we have our own paths,
to plan our own future..
but no matter how far we are,
i will always remember,
those times we spent together,
those memories we shared together,
it will always be with me,
FOREVER...
-created by me on 17th april 2003-
Sometimes...Life...
Sometimes...
Sometimes I feel like running away,
Running away from parents,
Running away from friends,
Running away from problems and troubles,
Running away from life,
Keep on running forever..
But all this is a part of life,
Facing all the problems,
Solving all this games of life,
Completing the whole course of life,
Living out this hard life..
Sometimes..
Sometimes I feel like dreaming,
Dreaming about a great life,
Dreaming about a big house,
Dreaming about a great family,
Dreaming about great days,
Keep on dreaming..
But to think about all this,
This is just games of life,
About God's games,
About God's tests,
And we got to end it in God's way..
-created by me on 17th April 2003-
Sometimes I feel like running away,
Running away from parents,
Running away from friends,
Running away from problems and troubles,
Running away from life,
Keep on running forever..
But all this is a part of life,
Facing all the problems,
Solving all this games of life,
Completing the whole course of life,
Living out this hard life..
Sometimes..
Sometimes I feel like dreaming,
Dreaming about a great life,
Dreaming about a big house,
Dreaming about a great family,
Dreaming about great days,
Keep on dreaming..
But to think about all this,
This is just games of life,
About God's games,
About God's tests,
And we got to end it in God's way..
-created by me on 17th April 2003-
Thursday, July 20, 2006
wow...unbelievable but somehow,its true...
hmm....well...its done...im really goin to uk this time....unbelievable....scary...but...its true...omg...im scared...but cant wait to go...but i feel sad having to leave my babies...im gonna miss my 9 babies...arrow,fantasy,misse,soxy,rasta,smeagol,teddie,maddox and muffin....goshh...and my parents...mummy and daddy...my sisters..nadia and natassia...my love bed..huhu....i wish i cud talk to someone bout this...my sis or somebody...but...no one will hear me...they will say choose 1...future or the loved ones...damn...y must human make such devistating decisions?it unfair..isnt it?i wish i have an alien fren who wud listen and gimme gud ideas..maybe like doraemon or something...then he cud open a door which wud lead me straight home without having to take a flight back to malaysia...damn it...but of course...that's all just phantasies....rite...it cant be true...coz...if it is true..then people might kidnapp it to use it for some other reasons...hmm...well maybe it is like what i have said...if u love a person,u must learn to let them go...so...in order to have a better future(which i must have education),i have to leave everything behind...aint that true...goshh...but...i dont wanna be all alone in some country whom i dont knoe anyone...that's so cruel...celebrating your birthday alone,celebrating raya alone,if u r sick u bear it alone...aint fair at all...damnnn....y cant things be easy and fair...??god oh god....u r great...
-scared-
princess nathra
-scared-
princess nathra
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
wow...here i am again...thinking...whut shud i write this time....i left all my poems at home..so..no poems for now...hmm...well,well...let's see...maybe i shall talk bout...how much i love my babies...my cats...i have 9 of them...oh gosh...i have so much to say bout them...just cant stop..so i better not start..huhu...owh..i just think there's sumthing bout me and animals...its like..i have a connections with them or sumthing...hmm..wow wii junior jucci...wkakakka....klaa...damn bored...dont think i have anything interesting to say anymore....so...thnx 4 reading my blog yahh...huhu....love u all...muahhhxxx....
love,
-princess nathra-
love,
-princess nathra-
Sunday, June 25, 2006
hmmm....its been months...now..leaving it...
wow....started work on the 20th january 2005.....and 30th june will be my last day....damn....cant believe it laa....topshop midvalley is like part of my blood now...they r my family.....omg....time flyz by so fast ekkk....hmm....felt like i just started work yesterday...sad to leave work....but cant help it...need to continue study....hmm...well,i hope they will always be part of me....hmmm....love all d topshop peeps!!!
omg....friends??
have u guys ever felt like u guys have a so called nice,funnie,best friend?but they turn out to be......total shit??i have a fren...whom i like to be close with....but....since i introduced her to some other frenz....she backstabbed me by taking all my frenz away...man she's full of shit...she's a bitch!!!!SHE SHALL BURN IN HELL!!!shit...i so have to learn how to do voodoo...then just do it on her.....muahahahahhahahahhaha.....................................u bitch!!!fyruz!!!go to hell!!!!u shud burn in hell!!!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
natassia...
as i sit alone in this cold,lonely night,
i feel like the time has stopped,
everything is on pause mode,only me still left breathing here,
there's nothing i can do,
but somehow,memories of you are playing on my mind,
i wonder,are you ever coming back in my life,
or are you just gonna be in my memories forever,
wondering if we are gonna build new memories together,
like we used to,having so much fun,holding hands,
lying on a bed together with so much laughter,all that fun,i miss...
all those laughter,i cherish...
no matter what,you will always be mine...
i feel like the time has stopped,
everything is on pause mode,only me still left breathing here,
there's nothing i can do,
but somehow,memories of you are playing on my mind,
i wonder,are you ever coming back in my life,
or are you just gonna be in my memories forever,
wondering if we are gonna build new memories together,
like we used to,having so much fun,holding hands,
lying on a bed together with so much laughter,all that fun,i miss...
all those laughter,i cherish...
no matter what,you will always be mine...
Friday, June 09, 2006
egoku...egomu jua....
selalu aku terbayang,
setelah kini kita tidak bersama,
adakah kau gembira tanpaku di luar sana,
adakah kau mampu mencintai orang lain,
sebagaimana aku mencin tai dirimu,
pernah juga aku terfikir,
adakah kau teringatkan diriku ini,
adakah kau merindui belaianku,
sebagaimana aku merinduinya,
atau adakah kau juga masih mencintaiku,
sebagaimana aku masih mencintai dan merindui dirimu itu,
setiap saat,setiap hari,
mungkin juga,
kau tidak teringatkan diriku,
atau kau membenci diriku,
atau kau tidak mahu mempunyai kaitan atau ikatan dengan ku lagi,
mungkin semua ini benar,
cuma aku yang tidak mahu percaya,
atau mungkin,
aku membiarkan egoku bertakhta.....
setelah kini kita tidak bersama,
adakah kau gembira tanpaku di luar sana,
adakah kau mampu mencintai orang lain,
sebagaimana aku mencin tai dirimu,
pernah juga aku terfikir,
adakah kau teringatkan diriku ini,
adakah kau merindui belaianku,
sebagaimana aku merinduinya,
atau adakah kau juga masih mencintaiku,
sebagaimana aku masih mencintai dan merindui dirimu itu,
setiap saat,setiap hari,
mungkin juga,
kau tidak teringatkan diriku,
atau kau membenci diriku,
atau kau tidak mahu mempunyai kaitan atau ikatan dengan ku lagi,
mungkin semua ini benar,
cuma aku yang tidak mahu percaya,
atau mungkin,
aku membiarkan egoku bertakhta.....
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