bullshitting 101~#31 - Scared.

This is life, feeling scared is something that can't be separated with human beings. Therefore, I have that feeling too. Its killing me inside. Im so scared....

Im scared of:

• Loosing the man I currently love so much.
• Loosing my precious relationship with my sister.
• Loosing my family.
• This lack of motivation feeling that I'm feeling which is bringing me down in studies.
• Not being able to achieve my dreams to go to the U.S. to be a photographer with National Geographic and nudity photographer freelance/with Playboy.
• Being alone in this evil world.
• Loosing all my babies(Cats,Tortoises n Fishes).
• Being a loser.
• Being a sad pathetic person I use to be,again...
• Hurting the heart of the man I love.
• Missing people alot, coz it makes me cry.
• L.O.V.E.
• Going crazy and loosing my mind.
• Having anger management issues.
• Loosing my husband(I don't know who that is gonna be) coz I hate sex.
• being so scared...

There's many more points that I can type, but I rather not bore all of you readers :)

"Fears need to be faced with bravery"

u know u love me,

x.o.x.o.

bullshitting 101~#30 - damn damn bz...

hello readers...

Well, 1stly, I would like to apologize, for not updating my blog, for such a long time. Since I came back from AbuDhabi (beautiful n peaceful place), everything is just so messed up. Ive been too busy. I only have time for my facebook.haha..Anyway, here's the updates...

I went twice, to abudhabi, i went, i came back, i spent the worst one week in malaysia, then i flew to abudhabi again. hahaha...thanks to my sister for the expenses. the trip, it was beautiful. i never thought UAE would be such a beautiful country. im loving abudhabi, and winter in UAE was awesome! COLD,BUT NO SNOW!!haha..

I came back on the 5th of January 2010. and classes started on the 6th. haha...So, the 1st week of college was like, "aha,whatever...boring..blablabla..." then came then 2nd week, gosh, a lil heavy...and when the 3rd week came, i was like 'shittt,die die die...' (so much of wanna change into a positive person yeah?haha)

Then......lalala....came the cheezy part...haha..I met someone...on facebook...who's now my boyfriend...its such a coincident ok...that he's Arab..he's from Yemen..haha..and,from what i see, and what my bestfriend(N) and my cousin(R) see, he loves me alot..dunno la how it goes..im feeling a lil hard to trust and to give in fully these days..maybe bcoz of Ied..haha..

Oh,not forgetting...I told my parents about my sister(the best sister anyone could ever have)...and my sister found out...now..she's not talking to me..she said 'I NEVER WANT TO KNOW YOU EVER AGAIN!!GET OUT FROM MY FUCKING LIFE!!' shit...i miss her so much...oh T, i wish i could hug and say that i miss u so much..look readers,dont judge me wrong ok..my intention was pure and true...i was trying to save her..i guess, she wants to drown in her own mistakes forever, fine then!!hahaha...

So readers, that's a lil update for you guys...im really sorry for not updating this blog..Soon yeah?hehehe...Im trying my best to do well this year...its my final year..one year only..coz i have a target..my target is to study in US next year..therefore, no failing..no hanky panky stuff..hehe..but i will do keep updating once in a while..In the mean time, please bare with me!!!

x.o.x.o.,

you know you love me,

-nathra-